Real Life
As some of you already know, my Aunt Linda (aka Nanny) passed away on Sunday. All things considered, I think I am dealing with it pretty well. I had a difficult time with facing the situation, as I don't do well with hospitals since my mama passed away, but I think in the grand scheme of things, I needed to be there and being able to be a rock for someone else helped.
The biggest deal for me was that I allowed myself to feel this time. To be honest, I don't think I had a choice. I cried...a LOT! I tried not to cry in front of Nanny because I know she could hear us, but I couldn't help it. She knew I was there and I told her that I loved her...and that's what is important.
I was at the hospital for most of my time at home, and tried to be a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on for some of my other family members and though there is never really anything that you can do to ease the pain of losing your mother, I tried to at least be there for my cousins.
Needless to say, I'm utterly exhausted. Since I was already having an emotionally draining day, I also visited the cemetery for the first time since my grandmother passed away almost a year ago. I spent some time there with her, my mom, and my dad before deciding that it was time to cleanse out the soul by spending some time with my niece.
Julena is growing up so fast and she's so beautiful! I know that everyone thinks that about their nieces, but she really is. She's smart and funny...and as expected, also a little bratty. hahaha
It was great to get to spend some time with her and my brother and also my little cousins, who aren't so little anymore. One of them even talked me into getting a second piercing in my ears!! hahaha
Then on Monday, I went out to Candi's granny's farm and her dad let me squeeze off a few rounds with his .45 and though it might sound weird...it was good for the soul. Hitting that target made me feel like I was a little bit in control of something, after a weekend of chaos.
It's unbelievable to me how quickly life can change...how quickly it can turn on you. It definitely got me thinking some deep thoughts about my life and about what I need to do to be happy because life is too short to be miserable just because it seems that's the way life is. I need to get back to listening to who I really am and following my heart.
On that note, I hope that you all know that I love you and appreciate you. Thank you for everything!!
*huge huge huggles
The biggest deal for me was that I allowed myself to feel this time. To be honest, I don't think I had a choice. I cried...a LOT! I tried not to cry in front of Nanny because I know she could hear us, but I couldn't help it. She knew I was there and I told her that I loved her...and that's what is important.
I was at the hospital for most of my time at home, and tried to be a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on for some of my other family members and though there is never really anything that you can do to ease the pain of losing your mother, I tried to at least be there for my cousins.
Needless to say, I'm utterly exhausted. Since I was already having an emotionally draining day, I also visited the cemetery for the first time since my grandmother passed away almost a year ago. I spent some time there with her, my mom, and my dad before deciding that it was time to cleanse out the soul by spending some time with my niece.
Julena is growing up so fast and she's so beautiful! I know that everyone thinks that about their nieces, but she really is. She's smart and funny...and as expected, also a little bratty. hahaha
It was great to get to spend some time with her and my brother and also my little cousins, who aren't so little anymore. One of them even talked me into getting a second piercing in my ears!! hahaha
Then on Monday, I went out to Candi's granny's farm and her dad let me squeeze off a few rounds with his .45 and though it might sound weird...it was good for the soul. Hitting that target made me feel like I was a little bit in control of something, after a weekend of chaos.
It's unbelievable to me how quickly life can change...how quickly it can turn on you. It definitely got me thinking some deep thoughts about my life and about what I need to do to be happy because life is too short to be miserable just because it seems that's the way life is. I need to get back to listening to who I really am and following my heart.
On that note, I hope that you all know that I love you and appreciate you. Thank you for everything!!
*huge huge huggles