Novocaine - Dentist!Verse - PG-13, Jared/Jensen
Title: Novocaine
Series: Dentist!Verse
Author: thelonejuliet
Characters: Jared, Jensen, Mike, Tom, Sandy
Pairing: mainly Jared/Jensen, Mike/Tom; mentions of others
Word Count: 2,906
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst?
Disclaimer: These people all belong to themselves and these events never happened.
Beta: candygramme
Previous Parts of the Dentist!AU found here.
All fics found here!
Verse Summary - Jensen Ackles, a new dentist in town with a troubled love life, takes on a new patient in the form of barowner Jared Padalecki. Sparks fly and attraction deepens but can the secrets that both men harbor destroy everything before it's too late?
Chapter/Part Summary: The aftermath of the scene at the bar...Jared gets some answers and some missing pieces fall into place.
Banner made by my girl, mss_celestal!
Novocaine
Jared wanted to die. He wanted to find a cave, crawl into a little ball and die of something, anything, so that he could numb the pain he was feeling.
Jensen wasn’t answering his phone or returning his calls. Four days with no word. He’d even called Jensen’s office, only to find that Jensen had taken a week of personal leave. Tom and Mike weren’t answering their phones either, though Jared wasn’t sure if that was out of loyalty to Jensen or because they were too overwhelmed dealing with the fallout. He actually suspected it was more of the latter.
Four days.
Jared had bypassed sadness into full-on despair.
Even Harley and Sadie hadn’t managed to cheer him up. They looked just as miserable about Jensen’s absence as he felt.
He’d spent two days drowning himself in self-pity and alcohol, wondering how he’d let the situation with Chad get so fucking far out of hand. He’d never figured his best friend for such a cold-hearted, manipulative asshole. Asshole, sure. But he never thought Chad would go so far. He’d always thought that somewhere, very deep inside, Chad had a decent heart. He hated that he was wrong, that he’d been fooled.
The next two days were spent dwelling, going through everything Jensen had left at his place. The many T-shirts. The sweatpants that were originally Jared’s to begin with, if the length was any indication. The boring cereal that Jensen insisted on, but Jared couldn’t stand. The CDs, showing Jensen’s questionable taste in music. The DVDs. The books. Jensen even had his own toothbrush in the bathroom.
And so what if Jared hadn’t changed out of Jensen’s Black Sabbath T-shirt in four days?
The first time he managed to drag himself out his apartment he finally began to understand just how Chad had managed to fuck everything up. That was when he started to get some answers. And they were standing by his truck in a neat, little, Sandy-McCoy-shaped package.
“Hi Jared,” Sandy greeted him with a cheerful smile.
Jared felt something unpleasant settle in his stomach at his ex-girlfriend’s appearance, all thoughts of hitting the grocery store immediately forgotten. He hadn’t seen Sandy since she’d outed him to everyone he knew, so to find her waiting for him didn’t bode well at all.
“Sandy,” he choked out. “I never thought I’d hear from you again.”
Sandy’s smile only grew larger. “Well,” she responded, quirking her lips down into a pout that she no-doubt thought was adorable. “I needed some time to think. And, when it really got down to it, I just couldn’t let you go. I need you and I’m sure we can fix our relationship, if we just work on it.”
Jared was dumbstruck. He gestured wildly with his hands for a moment, trying to convey the complete lack of comprehension. “It’s been a year and a half, Sandy!”
Sandy blinked at him, like she was dealing with a slow child. “But, Jared,” she said, speaking slowly and taking a few steps toward him, “We were good together. Your mother certainly thought so. She was sure that we could cure of this silly idea you’d gotten in your head. We were together for years, Jared. Was that all a lie?”
Jared shook his head, amazed that he was actually having this conversation. “No, it wasn’t a lie. Not entirely. I did love you. But, there was no…in the end, I didn’t love you like that, not anymore.”
Sandy seemed to take that as an agreement with her position. She stepped right up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. The smell of her shampoo made Jared feel nauseous, and he immediately pushed her away.
“Sandy, what the hell? Are you not hearing me? I’m gay. Gay, gay, gay. So gay I know what it’s like to have a guy’s dick up my ass,” he told her, point blank, watching as her look of amusement only spread.
“Jared, I know you were just experimenting. Everyone does so in college,” she chastised. “I knew you would get over it.”
“I have a -” Jared paused for a moment, something awful constricting his throat as he thought about the consequences of the other night again. “I’m in love with someone. A man.”
Sandy just clucked her tongue and shook her head. “I know all about that silly boy. Jason’s his name?”
“Jensen,” he growled out, ignoring the tightness of his chest at the way the name still rolled off his tongue with emotion.
She waved her hand vaguely. “Jensen, right, whatever. Well, anyway, as soon as I found out about him, it was quite easy to get Chad to agree to whatever I said. Seems he never really got over that quick fuck back at UT. So, you see -”
Jared cut her off, stepping right up so that he was looming over her 5’4” frame. He knew his face was twisted in a nasty expression of rage, and he found that he didn’t care in the least if he scared her or if someone called the cops. Things had suddenly clicked. Chad had spent a couple weekends out of town, supposedly hooking up with a girl. Then there was the fact that he seemed to pop up in the most random places, like the park the day he and Jensen spent with the dogs.
Chad had always been something of a loner, never clinging to one person regardless of the reason. He was, however, pretty easily manipulated.
“You stupid, fucking bitch,” he spat out. “You’re the reason Chad did that? You’re the fucking reason that my relationship is screwed to hell? It’s all your fault that Jensen won’t talk to me. You have ruined my life once again! Jensen is the only reason I was able to clean up after the fallout with you, with my family. After the shit that you put me through. He’s the only thing that has made me feel human for almost three years! How the hell can you say you care about me? You and Chad both! You’re both hypocrites!”
Sandy took a step back once Jared was done with his diatribe, when he was too pissed off to even speak anymore. She was obviously shaken, not having expected him to react as he did. She probably expected him to welcome her back with open arms, tell her that he’d missed her and couldn’t live another day without her.
What the hell did she think he’d been doing? Twiddling his thumbs waiting for her to return?
“Jared,” she whispered, wide eyes taking on a cloudy confusion. “I don’t understand. I got that man away from you. He wasn’t good for you, baby.” She was shaking her head, dark brown hair falling out of its perfectly sculpted ponytail. “Justin told me about what had happened between them. He helped me get Jensen away from you. He helped me realize that I had to save you.”
And Jared’s mind screeched to a sudden halt.
“Justin…Justin Hartley? How do you even know him?” Jared spluttered.
Sandy shrugged. “Met him out in L.A. He got drunk one night and went on and on about this ex-boyfriend of his. How he’d fucked it all up. Obviously I could see right through the story, see how badly Jensen had played him. Then he told me all about this new boyfriend that Jensen had and things were clear. I couldn’t leave you. I had to get you back, to protect you. I did all for you, baby.”
When Jared just stared at her, she smiled and continued. “Your mom will be so happy to hear that you’ve straightened out. She misses you, you know. And, now that Chad and Justin have helped me set you back on the right track, you can come home, baby. You can be with your family again.”
Jared walked around her to the driver’s door of his truck and climbed in, rage and hurt boiling through his veins, too pissed off to even question how his mom was involved in the whole thing. He should have known something was wrong as soon as Justin showed up in Austin. He never would’ve even thought of Sandy though. He’d been sure she was in the past.
Turns out the past really doesn’t ever let you go.
He started the car and gripped the steering wheel so tightly he could feel his hands cramp up. He could hear Sandy shouting at him to talk to her, but he didn’t listen. He ignored her, pulling out of his parking space and heading toward the only place he might be able to find Jensen.
* * *
Tom figured he should have known who he’d find on his doorstep; the pounding should have been an indication. But he didn’t listen to his instincts - or Mike, who was curled up in Tom’s lap, trying in vain to take a nap.
Instead, he stood up, careful to replace Mike on the couch despite Mike’s grumbling, and padded to the door barefoot. He sighed, resigned, when he found Jared on the other side. One look told him all he needed to know: Jared was in bad shape. His hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks; there were dark circles under his eyes, tight lines around his mouth.
And he was pretty sure that he’d bought that T-shirt for Jensen for his birthday.
So Tom did the only thing he could do: he stepped back from the door to let Jared in and went to make a pot of coffee.
Then he and Mike listened in growing horror at Jared’s side of what had happened at the bar, at Sandy’s black mail, Chad and Justin’s treachery.
“So, see,” Jared pleaded, coffee going cold in his hands, “I need to speak to him. I need to explain. I can’t. I’m not.” He let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t be without him. I can’t breathe with him not here. It can’t end like this.”
Tom looked over at Mike, who wore the same expression he was sure he had on his face. He sighed. “He doesn’t know, man. None of it. You want to tell him or should I?”
Mike shrugged. “The kid looks like he could use some food. You go order a pizza and I’ll fill him in.”
Tom nodded and walked out of the room in search of a phone, listening to Mike begin Jensen’s tale of woe.
* * *
Mike simply couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. Jared and Jensen had seemed so solid, an example for him to follow and help get his act together with Tommy. He couldn’t imagine that Jensen hadn’t told him everything. It explained so many of Jensen’s issues; he was screwed up long before Justin came along.
Mike took a moment to look at Jared’s haggard expression, feeling his own chest tighten at the thought of not having Tommy around. Then, he sighed and began.
“Jensen has a thing about people cheating on him. He thinks he’s cursed. He probably never told you about it because he probably hasn’t thought about it in a long time, not until he caught you with Chad.”
“There was nothing to catch. It’s not like we were…”
Mike held up his hand and waited for Jared to stop protesting so he could finish. Jared clamped his mouth shut and nodded.
“As I was saying,” Mike continued, clearing his throat. “He hadn’t thought about it. The Justin thing overshadowed any hang-ups he’d had before, and I’m sure you can see why. He was so focused on dealing with what that had caused that he may have forgotten about everything else, or at least pushed it to the side. It was an everyday struggle, and I know you know that. He doesn’t trust people easily. He keeps his guard up even when he doesn’t need to…
“So Jensen never told about Danneel? Or Jeff? Or Josh?” Jared shook his head. Mike sighed, offering what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Well, make sure you’re comfortable.”
Danneel Harris was Jensen’s high-school girlfriend; they’d started dating during their sophomore year. He’d found out at graduation that she’d been cheating on him with the entire football team. And half the basketball team. And a third of the baseball team. Josh Jackson was Jensen’s first real boyfriend, his junior year in college. That guy left him for some girl named Katie, claiming that Jensen had been just an “experiment.”
“And, then there was Jeff,” Tom picked up when Mike stopped to take a breath. “Or Dr. Morgan, as the rest of us knew him. He was a professor at Texas Christian, older than us by about 15 years. Jensen met him about a month after he graduated from college and was absolutely smitten. And, to Jeff’s credit, he stayed around for a while. Almost a year. But, in the end, Jensen was heartbroken once again. We knew the guy liked ‘em young, but we never figured he’d go for his 18-year-old student.”
It took the better part of an hour to tell Jared everything, two pizzas and a couple 2-liters of diet coke consumed in the meantime. By the end, Mike could see that Jared was kicking himself. And he wanted to hurt Jensen a little bit, for not telling Jared the whole story. It might not have changed everything, but it could only have helped right?
But because of Jensen’s secrets, Jared was falling apart. Anyone could see that. The kid was broken, probably feeling like everything was his fault. It wasn’t, Mike knew that. But, he couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his gut that maybe Jensen wouldn’t forgive him.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, Tom cleared his throat, reaching over to squeeze Jared’s knee. “Give him some time,” he whispered. “Focus on the bar, on your work. Don’t dwell on this, okay? Jensen just…he’s hurt. He doesn’t know what to think. He had to get out of Austin all together just to get some perspective. Don’t think he doesn’t love you, okay, man? That couldn’t be farther from the truth. If you ask me, he loves you a little too much.”
Jared nodded and stood up, walking over to the door. Right before he disappeared though, Mike heard him whisper, “You can never love too much.”
As soon as the front door was closed, Mike sagged back against Tom, groaning. “Tommy, I don’t think this is going to turn out well,” he mumbled.
Tom nodded, kissing Mike’s temple. “I know,” he whispered. “But we gotta have some hope, right? We’ll talk to Jen when he gets back from Dallas. Maybe Aunt Donna or Mack will knock some sense into him.”
* * *
Jensen couldn’t believe he was still in so much pain, physical and emotional. The doctor had said that he was just stressed out and given him a prescription for Lexapro. He was hoping it would help stave off the panic attacks that were becoming all too frequent, maybe even help with the tension headaches.
It had been almost two weeks, practically to the hour, he noted as he pulled into his driveway and turned off the ignition. 11 solid days of no Jared, even though he stared at his phone every other minute of the day. He wanted so badly to just pick up and call, but he couldn’t find the energy to do so. He knew he would break down at the sound of Jared’s voice, and he didn’t want that to happen. He wanted a clear head when he faced Jared for the first time, wanted to be able to think rationally and calmly.
He wanted Jared to tell him he’d been hallucinating.
He knew he’d have to go back to work in the morning, start a new week with this gaping hole in his heart. He vaguely wondered if his patients would notice. He’d had a dream almost every night that he was walking around with all of his insides showing. But, where his heart should be, there was just a nail with a sign hanging on it, reading “Out indefinitely, be back when Hell freezes over” with a big picture of Jared’s smiling face. Sometimes, though, the face was Chad’s.
Jensen didn’t know what to do. He knew it would be as easy as hearing Jared out, forgiving him, but he wasn’t sure he could go through that and trust Jared again. The scene he’d walked in on had brought up too many things that he’d thought were buried, all those feelings of never being good enough. He’d never been enough to sustain one person for long, but with Jared…Jared had seemed so different.
Not for the first time, Jensen really wished he wasn’t so fucked up. Or maybe that Jared had left him that way and never tried to fix him, left him altogether before he fell in love.
How would he ever trust anyone ever again?
Sighing, Jensen made his way into the house, barely noticing anything on his way to the bedroom. He fell face-first on the bed and felt more tears come to his eyes. He was so fucking tired of crying, of moping and feeling like the world had ended. It hadn’t.
It was just Jaredless.
God, he even missed the dogs.
*****************************
I know, it's not a happy ending! Just trust me, guys. Please? *whips out puppy!eyes*
_
Series: Dentist!Verse
Author: thelonejuliet
Characters: Jared, Jensen, Mike, Tom, Sandy
Pairing: mainly Jared/Jensen, Mike/Tom; mentions of others
Word Count: 2,906
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst?
Disclaimer: These people all belong to themselves and these events never happened.
Beta: candygramme
Previous Parts of the Dentist!AU found here.
All fics found here!
Verse Summary - Jensen Ackles, a new dentist in town with a troubled love life, takes on a new patient in the form of barowner Jared Padalecki. Sparks fly and attraction deepens but can the secrets that both men harbor destroy everything before it's too late?
Chapter/Part Summary: The aftermath of the scene at the bar...Jared gets some answers and some missing pieces fall into place.
Banner made by my girl, mss_celestal!
Novocaine
Jared wanted to die. He wanted to find a cave, crawl into a little ball and die of something, anything, so that he could numb the pain he was feeling.
Jensen wasn’t answering his phone or returning his calls. Four days with no word. He’d even called Jensen’s office, only to find that Jensen had taken a week of personal leave. Tom and Mike weren’t answering their phones either, though Jared wasn’t sure if that was out of loyalty to Jensen or because they were too overwhelmed dealing with the fallout. He actually suspected it was more of the latter.
Four days.
Jared had bypassed sadness into full-on despair.
Even Harley and Sadie hadn’t managed to cheer him up. They looked just as miserable about Jensen’s absence as he felt.
He’d spent two days drowning himself in self-pity and alcohol, wondering how he’d let the situation with Chad get so fucking far out of hand. He’d never figured his best friend for such a cold-hearted, manipulative asshole. Asshole, sure. But he never thought Chad would go so far. He’d always thought that somewhere, very deep inside, Chad had a decent heart. He hated that he was wrong, that he’d been fooled.
The next two days were spent dwelling, going through everything Jensen had left at his place. The many T-shirts. The sweatpants that were originally Jared’s to begin with, if the length was any indication. The boring cereal that Jensen insisted on, but Jared couldn’t stand. The CDs, showing Jensen’s questionable taste in music. The DVDs. The books. Jensen even had his own toothbrush in the bathroom.
And so what if Jared hadn’t changed out of Jensen’s Black Sabbath T-shirt in four days?
The first time he managed to drag himself out his apartment he finally began to understand just how Chad had managed to fuck everything up. That was when he started to get some answers. And they were standing by his truck in a neat, little, Sandy-McCoy-shaped package.
“Hi Jared,” Sandy greeted him with a cheerful smile.
Jared felt something unpleasant settle in his stomach at his ex-girlfriend’s appearance, all thoughts of hitting the grocery store immediately forgotten. He hadn’t seen Sandy since she’d outed him to everyone he knew, so to find her waiting for him didn’t bode well at all.
“Sandy,” he choked out. “I never thought I’d hear from you again.”
Sandy’s smile only grew larger. “Well,” she responded, quirking her lips down into a pout that she no-doubt thought was adorable. “I needed some time to think. And, when it really got down to it, I just couldn’t let you go. I need you and I’m sure we can fix our relationship, if we just work on it.”
Jared was dumbstruck. He gestured wildly with his hands for a moment, trying to convey the complete lack of comprehension. “It’s been a year and a half, Sandy!”
Sandy blinked at him, like she was dealing with a slow child. “But, Jared,” she said, speaking slowly and taking a few steps toward him, “We were good together. Your mother certainly thought so. She was sure that we could cure of this silly idea you’d gotten in your head. We were together for years, Jared. Was that all a lie?”
Jared shook his head, amazed that he was actually having this conversation. “No, it wasn’t a lie. Not entirely. I did love you. But, there was no…in the end, I didn’t love you like that, not anymore.”
Sandy seemed to take that as an agreement with her position. She stepped right up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. The smell of her shampoo made Jared feel nauseous, and he immediately pushed her away.
“Sandy, what the hell? Are you not hearing me? I’m gay. Gay, gay, gay. So gay I know what it’s like to have a guy’s dick up my ass,” he told her, point blank, watching as her look of amusement only spread.
“Jared, I know you were just experimenting. Everyone does so in college,” she chastised. “I knew you would get over it.”
“I have a -” Jared paused for a moment, something awful constricting his throat as he thought about the consequences of the other night again. “I’m in love with someone. A man.”
Sandy just clucked her tongue and shook her head. “I know all about that silly boy. Jason’s his name?”
“Jensen,” he growled out, ignoring the tightness of his chest at the way the name still rolled off his tongue with emotion.
She waved her hand vaguely. “Jensen, right, whatever. Well, anyway, as soon as I found out about him, it was quite easy to get Chad to agree to whatever I said. Seems he never really got over that quick fuck back at UT. So, you see -”
Jared cut her off, stepping right up so that he was looming over her 5’4” frame. He knew his face was twisted in a nasty expression of rage, and he found that he didn’t care in the least if he scared her or if someone called the cops. Things had suddenly clicked. Chad had spent a couple weekends out of town, supposedly hooking up with a girl. Then there was the fact that he seemed to pop up in the most random places, like the park the day he and Jensen spent with the dogs.
Chad had always been something of a loner, never clinging to one person regardless of the reason. He was, however, pretty easily manipulated.
“You stupid, fucking bitch,” he spat out. “You’re the reason Chad did that? You’re the fucking reason that my relationship is screwed to hell? It’s all your fault that Jensen won’t talk to me. You have ruined my life once again! Jensen is the only reason I was able to clean up after the fallout with you, with my family. After the shit that you put me through. He’s the only thing that has made me feel human for almost three years! How the hell can you say you care about me? You and Chad both! You’re both hypocrites!”
Sandy took a step back once Jared was done with his diatribe, when he was too pissed off to even speak anymore. She was obviously shaken, not having expected him to react as he did. She probably expected him to welcome her back with open arms, tell her that he’d missed her and couldn’t live another day without her.
What the hell did she think he’d been doing? Twiddling his thumbs waiting for her to return?
“Jared,” she whispered, wide eyes taking on a cloudy confusion. “I don’t understand. I got that man away from you. He wasn’t good for you, baby.” She was shaking her head, dark brown hair falling out of its perfectly sculpted ponytail. “Justin told me about what had happened between them. He helped me get Jensen away from you. He helped me realize that I had to save you.”
And Jared’s mind screeched to a sudden halt.
“Justin…Justin Hartley? How do you even know him?” Jared spluttered.
Sandy shrugged. “Met him out in L.A. He got drunk one night and went on and on about this ex-boyfriend of his. How he’d fucked it all up. Obviously I could see right through the story, see how badly Jensen had played him. Then he told me all about this new boyfriend that Jensen had and things were clear. I couldn’t leave you. I had to get you back, to protect you. I did all for you, baby.”
When Jared just stared at her, she smiled and continued. “Your mom will be so happy to hear that you’ve straightened out. She misses you, you know. And, now that Chad and Justin have helped me set you back on the right track, you can come home, baby. You can be with your family again.”
Jared walked around her to the driver’s door of his truck and climbed in, rage and hurt boiling through his veins, too pissed off to even question how his mom was involved in the whole thing. He should have known something was wrong as soon as Justin showed up in Austin. He never would’ve even thought of Sandy though. He’d been sure she was in the past.
Turns out the past really doesn’t ever let you go.
He started the car and gripped the steering wheel so tightly he could feel his hands cramp up. He could hear Sandy shouting at him to talk to her, but he didn’t listen. He ignored her, pulling out of his parking space and heading toward the only place he might be able to find Jensen.
* * *
Tom figured he should have known who he’d find on his doorstep; the pounding should have been an indication. But he didn’t listen to his instincts - or Mike, who was curled up in Tom’s lap, trying in vain to take a nap.
Instead, he stood up, careful to replace Mike on the couch despite Mike’s grumbling, and padded to the door barefoot. He sighed, resigned, when he found Jared on the other side. One look told him all he needed to know: Jared was in bad shape. His hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks; there were dark circles under his eyes, tight lines around his mouth.
And he was pretty sure that he’d bought that T-shirt for Jensen for his birthday.
So Tom did the only thing he could do: he stepped back from the door to let Jared in and went to make a pot of coffee.
Then he and Mike listened in growing horror at Jared’s side of what had happened at the bar, at Sandy’s black mail, Chad and Justin’s treachery.
“So, see,” Jared pleaded, coffee going cold in his hands, “I need to speak to him. I need to explain. I can’t. I’m not.” He let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t be without him. I can’t breathe with him not here. It can’t end like this.”
Tom looked over at Mike, who wore the same expression he was sure he had on his face. He sighed. “He doesn’t know, man. None of it. You want to tell him or should I?”
Mike shrugged. “The kid looks like he could use some food. You go order a pizza and I’ll fill him in.”
Tom nodded and walked out of the room in search of a phone, listening to Mike begin Jensen’s tale of woe.
* * *
Mike simply couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. Jared and Jensen had seemed so solid, an example for him to follow and help get his act together with Tommy. He couldn’t imagine that Jensen hadn’t told him everything. It explained so many of Jensen’s issues; he was screwed up long before Justin came along.
Mike took a moment to look at Jared’s haggard expression, feeling his own chest tighten at the thought of not having Tommy around. Then, he sighed and began.
“Jensen has a thing about people cheating on him. He thinks he’s cursed. He probably never told you about it because he probably hasn’t thought about it in a long time, not until he caught you with Chad.”
“There was nothing to catch. It’s not like we were…”
Mike held up his hand and waited for Jared to stop protesting so he could finish. Jared clamped his mouth shut and nodded.
“As I was saying,” Mike continued, clearing his throat. “He hadn’t thought about it. The Justin thing overshadowed any hang-ups he’d had before, and I’m sure you can see why. He was so focused on dealing with what that had caused that he may have forgotten about everything else, or at least pushed it to the side. It was an everyday struggle, and I know you know that. He doesn’t trust people easily. He keeps his guard up even when he doesn’t need to…
“So Jensen never told about Danneel? Or Jeff? Or Josh?” Jared shook his head. Mike sighed, offering what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Well, make sure you’re comfortable.”
Danneel Harris was Jensen’s high-school girlfriend; they’d started dating during their sophomore year. He’d found out at graduation that she’d been cheating on him with the entire football team. And half the basketball team. And a third of the baseball team. Josh Jackson was Jensen’s first real boyfriend, his junior year in college. That guy left him for some girl named Katie, claiming that Jensen had been just an “experiment.”
“And, then there was Jeff,” Tom picked up when Mike stopped to take a breath. “Or Dr. Morgan, as the rest of us knew him. He was a professor at Texas Christian, older than us by about 15 years. Jensen met him about a month after he graduated from college and was absolutely smitten. And, to Jeff’s credit, he stayed around for a while. Almost a year. But, in the end, Jensen was heartbroken once again. We knew the guy liked ‘em young, but we never figured he’d go for his 18-year-old student.”
It took the better part of an hour to tell Jared everything, two pizzas and a couple 2-liters of diet coke consumed in the meantime. By the end, Mike could see that Jared was kicking himself. And he wanted to hurt Jensen a little bit, for not telling Jared the whole story. It might not have changed everything, but it could only have helped right?
But because of Jensen’s secrets, Jared was falling apart. Anyone could see that. The kid was broken, probably feeling like everything was his fault. It wasn’t, Mike knew that. But, he couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his gut that maybe Jensen wouldn’t forgive him.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, Tom cleared his throat, reaching over to squeeze Jared’s knee. “Give him some time,” he whispered. “Focus on the bar, on your work. Don’t dwell on this, okay? Jensen just…he’s hurt. He doesn’t know what to think. He had to get out of Austin all together just to get some perspective. Don’t think he doesn’t love you, okay, man? That couldn’t be farther from the truth. If you ask me, he loves you a little too much.”
Jared nodded and stood up, walking over to the door. Right before he disappeared though, Mike heard him whisper, “You can never love too much.”
As soon as the front door was closed, Mike sagged back against Tom, groaning. “Tommy, I don’t think this is going to turn out well,” he mumbled.
Tom nodded, kissing Mike’s temple. “I know,” he whispered. “But we gotta have some hope, right? We’ll talk to Jen when he gets back from Dallas. Maybe Aunt Donna or Mack will knock some sense into him.”
* * *
Jensen couldn’t believe he was still in so much pain, physical and emotional. The doctor had said that he was just stressed out and given him a prescription for Lexapro. He was hoping it would help stave off the panic attacks that were becoming all too frequent, maybe even help with the tension headaches.
It had been almost two weeks, practically to the hour, he noted as he pulled into his driveway and turned off the ignition. 11 solid days of no Jared, even though he stared at his phone every other minute of the day. He wanted so badly to just pick up and call, but he couldn’t find the energy to do so. He knew he would break down at the sound of Jared’s voice, and he didn’t want that to happen. He wanted a clear head when he faced Jared for the first time, wanted to be able to think rationally and calmly.
He wanted Jared to tell him he’d been hallucinating.
He knew he’d have to go back to work in the morning, start a new week with this gaping hole in his heart. He vaguely wondered if his patients would notice. He’d had a dream almost every night that he was walking around with all of his insides showing. But, where his heart should be, there was just a nail with a sign hanging on it, reading “Out indefinitely, be back when Hell freezes over” with a big picture of Jared’s smiling face. Sometimes, though, the face was Chad’s.
Jensen didn’t know what to do. He knew it would be as easy as hearing Jared out, forgiving him, but he wasn’t sure he could go through that and trust Jared again. The scene he’d walked in on had brought up too many things that he’d thought were buried, all those feelings of never being good enough. He’d never been enough to sustain one person for long, but with Jared…Jared had seemed so different.
Not for the first time, Jensen really wished he wasn’t so fucked up. Or maybe that Jared had left him that way and never tried to fix him, left him altogether before he fell in love.
How would he ever trust anyone ever again?
Sighing, Jensen made his way into the house, barely noticing anything on his way to the bedroom. He fell face-first on the bed and felt more tears come to his eyes. He was so fucking tired of crying, of moping and feeling like the world had ended. It hadn’t.
It was just Jaredless.
God, he even missed the dogs.
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I know, it's not a happy ending! Just trust me, guys. Please? *whips out puppy!eyes*
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