Iocane Powder

[juliet_a]

After the AFI came out with their 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes list recently, Susan suggested to me that I should make a list of my favorite 100 quotes...all from one movie, 1987's The Princess Bride. That's a dangerous suggestion to make to someone who is both a serious procrastinator and a serious (well, silly and easily amused, anyway) fan of the movie...especially when there's work to avoid doing. :) Here's the list, put into order semi-arbitrarily, and subject to change on any given day. :)

1. "The next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, 'Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'"
2. Humperdinck: "To the death."
   Westley: "No! To the pain."
   Humperdinck: "I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase."
   Westley: "I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon."
3. "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia.' But only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.' AHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAH--- "
4. "He didn't fall? Inconceivable!!"
5. Buttercup: "You mock my pain."
   The Man in Black: "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
6. "Remember this - never forget this - when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy! And you - friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were, unemployed in Greenland?"
7. Buttercup: "You mocked me once, never do it again - I died that day! You can die, too, for all I care!"
   The Man in Black: "... as ... you ... wish..."
   Buttercup: "Oh, my sweet Westley; what have I done?"
8. Vizzini: "No more rhymes now, I mean it!"
   Fezzik: "Anybody want a peanut?"
9. "Am I going mad or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass."
10. "Have you the wing?"
11. "DROP...YOUR...SWORD."
12. "Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters."
13. Inigo: "Who are you?!"
    The Man in Black: "No one of consequence."
    Inigo: "I must know."
    The Man in Black: "Get used to disappointment."
    Inigo: "'kay."
14. "This is true love. You think this happens every day?"
    
15. "Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles."
16. "You keep using that word - I do not think it means what you think it means."
17. "Whoever he is, he's too late - see? The Cliffs of Insanity!"
18. Inigo: "I could do that. In fact, I've got some rope up here. But I do not think that you will accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you."
    The Man in Black: "That does put a damper on our relationship."
19. Inigo: "I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"
    The Man in Black: "Do you always begin conversations this way?"
20. Westley: "Can you move at all?"
    Buttercup: "Move? You're alive. If you want, I can fly."
21. "Is this a kissing book?"
22. Inigo: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
    The Man in Black: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."
23. Buttercup: "We'll never survive."
    Westley: "Nonsense - you're only saying that because no one ever has."
24. "You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?"
25. "I don't envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But, in the meantime, rest well...and dream of large women."
26. Inigo: "I admit it - you are better than I am."
    The Man in Black: "Then why are you smiling?"
    Inigo: "Because I know something you don't know."
    The Man in Black: "And what is that?"
    Inigo: "I am not left-handed."
27. The Man in Black: "There's something I ought to tell you."
    Inigo: "Tell me."
    The Man in Black: "I am not left-handed either."
28. "I only dog paddle."
29. "Mawidge...mawidge is what bwings us togewer today... Mawidge, the bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffim a dweam..."
30. "What you do not smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadlier poisons known to man."
31. "Well, Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts,' he said. 'My name is Ryan. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts, either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia.' Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley."
32. "My way's not very sportsmanlike."
33. Westley: "I told you, I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?"
    Buttercup: "Well...you were dead."
    Westley: "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
34. "It's not that bad. I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely."
35. "Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why - so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish - every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."
36. "It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise."
37. "Ha. Your pig fiancé is too late. A few more steps and we'll be safe in the Fire Swamp."
38. "We are men of action. Lies do not become us."
39. "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that. But that's not what he said. He distinctly said 'to blave.' And, as we all know, 'to blave' means 'to bluff.'"
    
40. "That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying, 'As you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.'"
41. "I've hired you to help me start a war. That's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition."
42. "Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are the Shrieking Eels - if you doubt me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh."
43. The Man in Black: "You're that smart?"
    Vizzini: "Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?"
    The Man in Black: "Yes."
    Vizzini: "Morons."
44. "Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist... oooof!"
45. "Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."
46. The Man in Black: "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."
    Vizzini: "Wait 'til I get going! Where was I?"
    The Man in Black: "Australia."
47. Westley: "Where am I?"
    Albino: "The Pit of Despair. Don't even think - [coughs] - don't even think about trying to escape."
48. "The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!"
49. Buttercup: "I will never doubt again."
    Westley: "There will never be a need."
50. "It's possible, pig; I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass. I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand...then again, perhaps I have the strength after all."
51. "Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, 'All right, Westley, I've never had a valet. You can try it for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' Three years he said that. 'Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' It was a fine time for me. I was learning to fence, to fight, anything anyone would teach me."
52. "Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But, I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, MY wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped."
53. "Everybody MOVE!!"
54. "Let me explain - no, there is too much. Let me sum up."
55. Vizzini: "We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?"
    Buttercup: "There is nothing nearby; not for miles."
    Vizzini: "Then there will be no one to hear you scream."
56. "Hurry up. Move the thing! And...that other thing! Move it!"
57. "Look! He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using."
58. Fezzik: "Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid or something like that?"
    The Man in Black: "Oh no. It's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future."
59. "They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder."
60. "Look, he bested you with strength, your greatness. He bested me with steel. He must have out-thought Vizzini, and a man who can do that can plan my castle onslaught any day."
61. Inigo: "Fezzik, jog his memory."
    Fezzik: "I'm sorry, Inigo. I didn't mean to jog him so hard."
62. "That was a warning, Highness. The next time, my hand flies on its own. For where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies."
63. "And there are the Princess's footprints. She is alive ... or was, an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her, I shall be very put out."
64. "... tr ... oooo .... luv..."
65. "A farm boy. Poor. Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm."
66. "I can't afford to make exceptions. Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time."
67. "You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that. Not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it. Not with a thousand swords. And when I say you are a coward, that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth."
68. "Humperdinck. Humperdinck! Humperdinck!"
69. "Well, it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead."
70. The Kid: "Grandpa? Maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow."
    The Grandfather: "As you wish."
71. Valerie: "Bye bye, boys."
    Miracle Max: "Have fun storming the castle."
    Valerie: "Think it'll work?"
    Miracle Max: "It'd take a miracle. Buh-bye!"
72. King: "What was that for?"
    Buttercup: "Because you've always been so kind to me. And I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the Honeymoon Suite."
    King: "Won't that be nice? She kissed me!"
73. "You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept."
74. Miracle Max: "Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do."
    Inigo: "What's that?"
    Miracle Max: "Go through his clothes and look for loose change."
75. "You've been mostly dead all day."
76. "I always think everything could be a trap - Which is why I'm still alive."
77. Westley: "My brains, his steel, and your strength against sixty men, and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? I mean, if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something."
    Inigo: "Where did we put that wheelbarrow the Albino had?"
    Fezzik: "Over the Albino, I think."
    Westley: "Well, why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?"
78. Westley: "Give us the gate key."
    Yellin: "I have no gate key."
    Inigo: "Fezzik, tear his arms off."
    Yellin: "Oh, you mean this gate key."
79. "True love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse! So, bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!"
80. "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours."
81. "As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Well, really, that's all this is. Except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest - how do you feel?"
82. Fezzik: "But you don't know where he is."
    Inigo: "Don't bother me with trifles; after twenty years, at last, my father's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!"
83. The Man in Black: "Then make your choice."
    Vizzini: "I will. And I choose - what in the world can that be?"
84. "I would not say such things if I were you..."
85. "Yes, you're very smart. Shut up."
86. "You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will."
    
87. "Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind."
88. Inigo: "That's a miracle pill?"
    Valerie: "The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But you have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency. And you shouldn't go swimming after, for at least, what?"
    Miracle Max: "An hour."
    Valerie: "Yeah, an hour."
89. Miracle Max: "Wait. Wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?"
    Inigo: "Humiliations galore!"
90. "THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS IS HERE FOR YOUR SOULS!"
91. The Man in Black: "You've done nothing but study swordplay?"
    Inigo: "More pursuit than study lately. You see, I cannot find him. It's been twenty years now. I am starting to lose confidence. I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge."
92. Yellin: "It won't be easy, sire."
    Humperdinck: "Try ruling the world sometime."
93. "Gently!"
94. Brute: "Ho there."
    Inigo: "I do not budge. Keep your 'Ho there.'"
95. "Guide my sword."
96. Fezzik: "Inigo."
    Inigo: "What?"
    Fezzik: "I hope we win."
97. The Kid: "Has it got any sports in it?"
    The Grandfather: "Are you kidding? Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Revenge. Giants. Monsters. Chases. Escapes. True love. Miracles."
    The Kid: "It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake."
98. "You be careful - people in masks cannot be trusted."
99. Inigo: "You know, it's very strange - I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."
    Westley: "Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts."
100. The Kid: "What? What?"
     The Grandfather: "No, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear it."
     The Kid: "Well, I don't mind so much."