Mean Mom or Country Bunny?
I used to pack lunches for our two oldest when they were younger and didn’t feel like eating hot lunch. But then the lunch bags/boxes starting coming home with half of the food uneaten. When I asked why, they’d say it was because I packed things they didn’t like or things that were “too healthy,” so I stopped. I told them if they wanted a packed lunch, they should pack their own, because that way they could choose what they felt like eating. So they did, or they ate hot lunch.
Our third and youngest started school after this “pack your own” practice had already gone into effect. But he never ate anything but hot lunch, so except for a few field-trip brown bags I had to pack for him when he was too young to do it himself, I've never been in the habit of packing his lunch. However this year he has decided to eat only packed lunches (he says the cafeteria food is bad in his new middle school, and the lunch line too long) so he does what he sees his sister doing and packs his lunch everyday. That's just become the norm at our house--Want a bag lunch? Pack it yourself. So it was funny when he came home yesterday and innocently said, “Mom, did you know some kids’ moms pack their lunches for them?” He said it as if he were amazed and I would not believe this. He said it like it like he thought those kids were sixth grade babies, having their mommies pack their lunch for them! I told him, yes, many mothers pack their kids’ lunches, even in high school, that probably even more moms pack lunches than kids, and that I, in fact, used to do this for his sisters. Then his face changed, and I could see that he was feeling like the orphan child and wishing that I packed his lunch.
I asked him how it was he had just discovered this moms-packing-lunches phenomena and he said, “Well, Clark opened his lunch today and he said, ‘Oh, shoot my mom forgot to pack those cookies!’ And I said, ‘Your mom packs your lunch?’ And then all sorts of other kids stuck up for him and said, ‘My mom packs my lunch, too-what’s wrong with that?’”
So anyway, instead of being proud that my son is independent enough to pack his own lunch (and he seemed to be enjoying it, too, packing big, healthy lunches of leftovers he looked forward to, picking out things in the grocery store that he'd like...), I felt guilty. I asked him if he’d like me to pack his lunch and he said yes. This morning I packed it for him and he was very happy.
Part of me knows I shouldn’t feel guilty, but another part of me wants him to know I love him enough to pamper him and make his lunch like so many other moms do (I’m not knocking you if you pack your kids' lunch; I realize many kids wouldn’t pack big, healthy lunches if it were left up to them or they’d make a giant mess; but given that he’s totally capable and in the habit, this is pampering for us). So now that I re-started this lunch packing thing, I’m wondering; do I keep it up, just pack for him once in a while, go back to having him do it? I mean aren’t we doing our kids a favor if we teach them to sew a button back on themselves instead of always doing it for them? Don’t they need to know how to cook and do laundry and clean bathrooms and mow the lawn and iron? In my favorite old Easter story, The Country Bunny, Mother Bunny had her twenty-one baby bunnies running the whole house for her and she was admired for that! ...That does it, we are not taking a step backwards. Tomorrow, he’s back to packing his own lunch, and I will have to make a big deal about how great it is that he does such a good job of it.
Our third and youngest started school after this “pack your own” practice had already gone into effect. But he never ate anything but hot lunch, so except for a few field-trip brown bags I had to pack for him when he was too young to do it himself, I've never been in the habit of packing his lunch. However this year he has decided to eat only packed lunches (he says the cafeteria food is bad in his new middle school, and the lunch line too long) so he does what he sees his sister doing and packs his lunch everyday. That's just become the norm at our house--Want a bag lunch? Pack it yourself. So it was funny when he came home yesterday and innocently said, “Mom, did you know some kids’ moms pack their lunches for them?” He said it as if he were amazed and I would not believe this. He said it like it like he thought those kids were sixth grade babies, having their mommies pack their lunch for them! I told him, yes, many mothers pack their kids’ lunches, even in high school, that probably even more moms pack lunches than kids, and that I, in fact, used to do this for his sisters. Then his face changed, and I could see that he was feeling like the orphan child and wishing that I packed his lunch.
I asked him how it was he had just discovered this moms-packing-lunches phenomena and he said, “Well, Clark opened his lunch today and he said, ‘Oh, shoot my mom forgot to pack those cookies!’ And I said, ‘Your mom packs your lunch?’ And then all sorts of other kids stuck up for him and said, ‘My mom packs my lunch, too-what’s wrong with that?’”
So anyway, instead of being proud that my son is independent enough to pack his own lunch (and he seemed to be enjoying it, too, packing big, healthy lunches of leftovers he looked forward to, picking out things in the grocery store that he'd like...), I felt guilty. I asked him if he’d like me to pack his lunch and he said yes. This morning I packed it for him and he was very happy.
Part of me knows I shouldn’t feel guilty, but another part of me wants him to know I love him enough to pamper him and make his lunch like so many other moms do (I’m not knocking you if you pack your kids' lunch; I realize many kids wouldn’t pack big, healthy lunches if it were left up to them or they’d make a giant mess; but given that he’s totally capable and in the habit, this is pampering for us). So now that I re-started this lunch packing thing, I’m wondering; do I keep it up, just pack for him once in a while, go back to having him do it? I mean aren’t we doing our kids a favor if we teach them to sew a button back on themselves instead of always doing it for them? Don’t they need to know how to cook and do laundry and clean bathrooms and mow the lawn and iron? In my favorite old Easter story, The Country Bunny, Mother Bunny had her twenty-one baby bunnies running the whole house for her and she was admired for that! ...That does it, we are not taking a step backwards. Tomorrow, he’s back to packing his own lunch, and I will have to make a big deal about how great it is that he does such a good job of it.