All i can do is picture the color of your eyes && the way you make me smile.
"The best && most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart<3."
so yeah. i'm not really sure what to talk about. My day's have been pretty much the same---school, cheerleading & work. I guess the only thing different is things with Jon. and it happened last night. he found out that i saw brian on saturday night. annd that sounds so bad, when it's really not. it's not even a big deal. maybe i should have told him. maybe i shouldn't have even done anything with b. but i already did it. and i can't undo what i've done. but the thing is...jon is the one who said he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. so why is he getting upset? it seems to me that he wants to be with me---but only when it's convenient for him. and i can't see anyone else. i mean i don't want to...but going out w b on saturday shouldn't be a big deal. i just want to be with jon. he's the only one. he's the only for me. it's just so funny...bc when i talk to brian---all i talk about is jon. and i wish jon would just call b---and he'd tell him everything, and jon would feel like an idiot for flipping out about this.
i'm just so worried about all of this because i don't want to lose jon. i honestly don't know what i'd do if i could never see him again. i would be heartbroken. i just don't know what i'd do. i don't know if i could ever get over him. and its stupid to think that because we've only been together for 2 months. this has been the best 2 months of my LIFE. i just need to see him & tell him face to face how i feel. it just hurts to think that Jon would think i would EVER play him or cheat on him...bc i would never do anything like that. he means the world to me. why would i want to ever compromise not being with him?
he was planning on coming to see me tomorrow night...and i hope he still comes. because i need to see him. i need to talk to him. and we need to clear this up RIGHT NOW. he is the most amazing thing that has ever happend to me. and i need him to see that.
so yeah. i don't know what's going to happen. but i know that i need to trust God, beacuse i know he's got it all planned out. maybe God is letting this happen to let Jon see how much i want him & to show him i'm not like any other girl hes ever been with. i honestly believe Jon is the one for me. it's weird...because [i've never been so sure about anything in my life].
i have work now.
then the girls & i are going to saddle ridge.
i'm excited.
i just wish i could be with jon tonight...
<3
I want a boy who can wrestle with me and let me win;; who i can talk to about anything;; who laughs at my jokes.
A boy who puts my cold hands in his warm hoodie pockets;; who lets me use his sweatshirt for a pillow;; who buys me 25 cent rings;; who says i love you & means it;; who will kiss me in the rain, in the sunshine, and in the snow;; who calls unexpectedly;; who will have many inside jokes with and me remember each one;; a boy who notices girl's haircuts;; who realizes that girls say things but dont always mean them.
A boy who i can go swimming with on hot days;; who can tell me his problems and let me help;; who will listen to me talk-about the new nail polish i got;; who will bring me seashells from the beach;; who will let me beat him up when i get angry;; who writes love letters to me, but doesn't send them;; who saves his genuine, big smiles for me.
A boy with deep eyes, that can see through faces-into depths; who wears baseball hats and lets me wear his, too;; who gives me his t-shirt to change into and not expect to get it back;; who knows my favorite color, song, car, vegetable, perfume && the color of my toothbrush.
A boy who will shake my dad's hand && look my mother in the eye;; who will call me by my full name-first, middle and last.
A boy who will kiss me and tell me i'm beautiful;; who will let me cry to him;; who will squeeze my hips just right;; who suprises me && compliments my manicure;; who plays with my hair;; who knows when i have a math test or when i fail one.
A boy who smells like he just stepped out of the shower;; who tells me i have a nice laugh, && a smile that lights up the room.
A boy who's simply mine to hold.