Pain is only [touching] the surface...

[julierudolph27]

Well i've come to an end in just one chapter of my life. well...it's ALMOST over. tomorrow is the last day of school. YES! but. i just wish i had someone to celebrate it with. my friends have now gone off and deserted me. it was just a matter of time, and now i've finally hit rock bottom with our friendship. i never thought it would get this far. it's come to the point where i can't even stand to be in the same room. What have i done that's so terrible, that they would do this to me? i never asked for anything, just love. just some friends that could be there for me. i look at pictures of them...and i want to cry. for two reasons. number one, because i miss how things used to be. i used to be in those pictures. number two, because of the pain i feel. it's like someone is ripping my heart out and stepping on it && then laughing. they obviously don't care how they make me feel. i pray everyday, every time i see them, that i don't become bitter towards them or towards the situation. but...it's getting worse. pain doesn't even describe what i feel. my senior year wasn't as good as it could have been...because of the things i've had to go through. i cannot wait to get this over with. i cannot wait to not have to walk into school every day just to see them leave me out of everything. to hear them talk about what they did together, or talk about what they're going to do...right infront of me. i've slowly been pushed out of their lives...and i don't think they care at all. i honestly don't know what i'm going to do this summer...they're all that i've known for the past year & a half. GOD!! why does this have to happen? why does this have to hurt so bad? i think next to loosing your boyfriend, loosing your best friends is the worst feeling in the world. i don't want to do this anymore....

"Pain is like the engine warning light in your car. it's a signal that something is going on that needs your attention. It may mean that you're being harmed. It may mean that you need to do something that will help you be healthier. Experiencing pain can help you, too, by making you thatnkful for the pain-free times in our lives."

i hope that someday they realize how much they've hurt me.
because...i will never be the same.