and you'll be alright as long as you stay with me.
Well today was pretty crappy.
i got up at 9am, i had 4-H at 10:30. i'm the cloverbud leader...and we sewed heart pillows. kelly came to help me...i was glad for that.
Then i had work 12-5 at pembroke...with aaron...shoot me. omg, it was so bad. i can't stand that kid. hes just so...weird. So i tried to read...but i couldn't. i just couldn't get my mind off chris. so then i wrote in my journal. and then i just cleaned the whole store...top to bottom. and as i was doing this...i thought to myself-why am i doing this, when all i'm going to do is go over to akron in about 30 minutes and have to do this all night bc joe goia is too fricken laZy to do anything all day? but i did it anyway because i love rachel. so rachel & jonas came in, and i left to go over to akron. Chris asked me to cover his shift 5-10, because he was going to Erie, PA to see his grandma. I really shouldn't do him any favors seeing how hes been such a jerk to me, but i need the money, and no matter what he does to me, i can't find it in my heart to turn him down. i like this guy so much that if he came back to me today and said i'm sorry for everything, lets start over...i would. but...that probably won't happen. god, why do i like him so much? we were just supposed to be friends!!!! and why the minute i start to like him...he backs off? i just don't understand.
so work at akron was...lonely. i don't know. i'm so used to people coming to see me. but no one came in tonight. it was pretty busy the first 2 hrs, then it slowed down. i kept picturing chris walking in with a smile on his face...and it would all be ok. but. hes in pennsylvania. that couldn't happen. so then i was guna text him, but i figured he probably didn't want to hear from me. so i didn't. then i was all done, and these ppl came in at like 9:45. i was so pissed. i got home at like 10:30.
and now i'm here...
so extremely exhausted.
my body aching.
my back throbbing.
but yet i'll go to bed.
and i won't be able to fall asleep.
it's all a mixture of how i can't stand to see chris & kaylei together.
of how i miss talking to chris b.
of how i just wish it was all ok.
of how i keep messing up in my life.
of how i wish it was summer time so i didn't have to go to school.
of how i'm scared of loosing my friends...bc thats what seems to be happening lately.
of how i'm scared to love again. it just never seems to work out for me.
of how i keep failing at the things i want most in life.
and basically bc i just can't sleep sometimes.
ohhhhh geeeeeeeeeeze.
can everything go back to the way it was a month ago?
thanks.
Although my heart is Torn.
I will praise you in this storm.
out.
<3
You've got your mother and your brother
Every other, undercover, telling you what to say
You think I'm stupid
But the truth is, that it's Cupid, baby
Loving you has made me this way
So before you point your finger
Get your hands off of my trigger
You need to know the situations getting old
And now the more you talk
the less I can take
I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go
Well if you don't have the answer
Why you still standing here
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
I waited here for you like a kid waiting after school
So tell me, how come you never showed?
I gave you everything and never asked for anything
And look at me
I'm all alone
So before you start defending, baby
Stop all your pretending
I know you know I know
So what's the point in being slow
Let's get this show on the road today
I want a love, I want a fire
To feel the burn, my desires
I want a man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides
Are you gonna fight for me
Die for me
Live and breathe for me
Do you care for me
Cause if you don't then just leave!
I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go
Well if you don't have the answer
Why you still standing here
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away