Stateless / Homeless
I feel like I don't fit in or belong anywhere. I'm not British - I left there when I was too young to identify with many of their typical beliefs and points-of-reference. I'm not South African - I have always FELT South African, but somehow my reluctance to raise Cali there has also raised emotional barriers for myself - I love the country - and many of the people who live there - such as my girls, my folks, Brenda etc. BUT I cannot with a clear concience commit to raising Cali there, unless I had no other option. It feels like a betrayal, but also self-preservation. How can I write off an entire country, it's people and it's future? Margaret, the lady who cleaned our holiday house in SA, is no longer working for us. Why? She suffered a nervous breakdown following the gang rape of her daughter, and the subsequent pregnancy and abortion - her daughter was 11.
I can't raise Cali there.
I don't belong anywhere else.
I feel an overwhelming and desperate need to put down some roots, and establish a circle of friends and a support netwrok somewhere other than SA.
I am torn between my illogical love for my adopted homeland on one side, and my self-preservation, and wanting the best for Cali on the other hand. I swear if I don't manage to secure a sponser for Australia or NZ soon I will totally lose the plot!
I can't raise Cali there.
I don't belong anywhere else.
I feel an overwhelming and desperate need to put down some roots, and establish a circle of friends and a support netwrok somewhere other than SA.
I am torn between my illogical love for my adopted homeland on one side, and my self-preservation, and wanting the best for Cali on the other hand. I swear if I don't manage to secure a sponser for Australia or NZ soon I will totally lose the plot!