An email from my friend Lisa
These are too funny. I like the ones relating to choir being I'm in my church choir. I sent this to our director along with some of the choir members. Enjoy :-)
Church Bulletin Bloopers:
They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank Goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
*********************
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* * * * * * * * * *
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
* * * * * * * * * *
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
* * * * * * * * * *
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
* * * * * * * * * *
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
* * * * * * * * * *
Don't let worry kill you off......let the Church help.
* * * * * * * * * *
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* * * * * * * * * *
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* * * * * * * * * *
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
* * * * * * * * * *
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping. She has requested tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
* * * * * * * * * *
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
* * * * * * * * * *
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in
the church and so ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* * * * * * * * * *
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
* * * * * * * * * *
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* * * * * * * * * *
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* * * * * * * * * *
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* * * * * * * * * *
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
* * * * * * * * * *
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
* * * * * * * * * *
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
* * * * * * * * * *
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
* * * * * * * * * *
The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* * * * * * * * * *
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
* * * * * * * * * *
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* * * * * * * * * *
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
* * * * * * * * * *
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
* * * * * * * * * *
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* * * * * * * * * *
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Church Bulletin Bloopers:
They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank Goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
*********************
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* * * * * * * * * *
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
* * * * * * * * * *
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
* * * * * * * * * *
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
* * * * * * * * * *
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
* * * * * * * * * *
Don't let worry kill you off......let the Church help.
* * * * * * * * * *
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* * * * * * * * * *
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* * * * * * * * * *
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
* * * * * * * * * *
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping. She has requested tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
* * * * * * * * * *
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
* * * * * * * * * *
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in
the church and so ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* * * * * * * * * *
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
* * * * * * * * * *
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* * * * * * * * * *
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* * * * * * * * * *
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* * * * * * * * * *
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
* * * * * * * * * *
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
* * * * * * * * * *
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
* * * * * * * * * *
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
* * * * * * * * * *
The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* * * * * * * * * *
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
* * * * * * * * * *
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* * * * * * * * * *
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
* * * * * * * * * *
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
* * * * * * * * * *
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* * * * * * * * * *
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."