Affection Problems
Yes, I changed my LJ appearance yet again. One of my friends has the same theme, and I'd forgotten that. I don't want him to think that I am copying him or anything. I just found said theme and it appealed to me. This theme does, too, though. I am starting to be less creeped-out by skeletons as of late.
Besides, everyone needs a "little death" every now and then. Ha, ha. I know I'm not clever, but it had to be said.
So, with Baby Grim as my witness, I've decided to start today's observance/rant.
Americans are stingy with their affections.
This came to me last night when I sent a friend an e-mail last night, asking for hugs. Boldly, I asked for kisses, too, because I felt a need for affection and comfort. Immediately, I thought, "have I stepped over a line here? she's in a committed relationship, and I hope her Significant Other's not going to think I'm trying to move in on her. For one, i'm not gay, and for two, I would never take someone's beloved. I just couldn't. And if I ask for kisses from all of said friends, will they all become jealous or suspicious? I mean jeez, it's not on the lips that I want it . . ." and I started beating myself up about a passing remark.
This kind of thinking, I believe, comes from the fact that Americans are stingy with affection. We come to feel weird about such things because we are taught that touching is only something you do with people we are intimate with and anywhere outside of those parameters is "wrong" or "uncomfortable". It's sick, even in families, these things are taking place. Parents stop kissing their children at about three, now. With rare exceptions, adult siblings won't even hug.
The last time my mother hugged me was maybe a month ago, and my father . . . maybe two months. One of my really close friends did a couple of days ago, but she's an exception. God, my best friend . . . three months, maybe more? The hell of it is, I see these people almost every damn day. I live with my parents. But, I don't want to get all huggy and needy, just in case it makes them uncomfortable.
Do people still kiss their friends on the cheeks in Europe? That's a bold move. Kissing is a very intimate thing, and I'm not talking sexually. You just have to get so close to someone to do it. It won't work if you're at all self-conscious. They may not be the most sincere things, but at least people aren't afraid to get close in Europe.
We are so uptight here about our sexuality that anything affectionate can be misconstrued as sexual. I think we spend too much time here thinking and picking at sexuality about Freudian things, and so little time actually making love that we are desperate to see sexuality in the smallest intimate gesture.
Maybe if we were freer with our affections, and I do not mean sex, we wouldn't feel so isolated. That feeling is very much a rampant force right now.
I can't remember the last time someone kissed me on the cheek, let alone on the lips. The nearest I can tell is five years ago, when I last had a boyfriend.
I cannot remember the last time someone kissed me. I let that sink in last night.
How sad is that?
Besides, everyone needs a "little death" every now and then. Ha, ha. I know I'm not clever, but it had to be said.
So, with Baby Grim as my witness, I've decided to start today's observance/rant.
Americans are stingy with their affections.
This came to me last night when I sent a friend an e-mail last night, asking for hugs. Boldly, I asked for kisses, too, because I felt a need for affection and comfort. Immediately, I thought, "have I stepped over a line here? she's in a committed relationship, and I hope her Significant Other's not going to think I'm trying to move in on her. For one, i'm not gay, and for two, I would never take someone's beloved. I just couldn't. And if I ask for kisses from all of said friends, will they all become jealous or suspicious? I mean jeez, it's not on the lips that I want it . . ." and I started beating myself up about a passing remark.
This kind of thinking, I believe, comes from the fact that Americans are stingy with affection. We come to feel weird about such things because we are taught that touching is only something you do with people we are intimate with and anywhere outside of those parameters is "wrong" or "uncomfortable". It's sick, even in families, these things are taking place. Parents stop kissing their children at about three, now. With rare exceptions, adult siblings won't even hug.
The last time my mother hugged me was maybe a month ago, and my father . . . maybe two months. One of my really close friends did a couple of days ago, but she's an exception. God, my best friend . . . three months, maybe more? The hell of it is, I see these people almost every damn day. I live with my parents. But, I don't want to get all huggy and needy, just in case it makes them uncomfortable.
Do people still kiss their friends on the cheeks in Europe? That's a bold move. Kissing is a very intimate thing, and I'm not talking sexually. You just have to get so close to someone to do it. It won't work if you're at all self-conscious. They may not be the most sincere things, but at least people aren't afraid to get close in Europe.
We are so uptight here about our sexuality that anything affectionate can be misconstrued as sexual. I think we spend too much time here thinking and picking at sexuality about Freudian things, and so little time actually making love that we are desperate to see sexuality in the smallest intimate gesture.
Maybe if we were freer with our affections, and I do not mean sex, we wouldn't feel so isolated. That feeling is very much a rampant force right now.
I can't remember the last time someone kissed me on the cheek, let alone on the lips. The nearest I can tell is five years ago, when I last had a boyfriend.
I cannot remember the last time someone kissed me. I let that sink in last night.
How sad is that?