(no subject)
I don't want to say it and jinx myself. but things have been feeling a bit better. Chuck and I started to go on a diet, and it isn't so bad having someone to work with on it. Sunday, I met a really wonderful pagan girl by the name of Tara. She is really nice and was trying to find resources for her paper on Wicca and being in and out of a coven... with experiences.
I know that some will think that with my last year in Nightfall that I would have an aversion to a coven environment, but that is not true. I enjoyed the energy that was a part of the coven when Ernie and Whitewolf were around, before Mary and Beth left. The energy felt right, and I felt that Nimue and Ernie had a lot to teach. I wanted to be a sponge and soak in all the knowledge, but it didn't happen that way. Ernie left. Secrets started to form. I felt betrayed towards the end, but I know that everyone did what they thought was best for them and the group. I had to drop off the world, but I only wish I knew why. Why the secrets? Why the dishonesty? I know that it would not have hurt me any more to know the truth, and it was only a matter of when.
I bear no grudges or animosity towards anyone. I wish I could tell Sally, Shawn, and Nim, that I still care about them and what the coven originally showed me. I guess I always have. It just took me going to talk to Tara to make me really think about it.
I know that some will think that with my last year in Nightfall that I would have an aversion to a coven environment, but that is not true. I enjoyed the energy that was a part of the coven when Ernie and Whitewolf were around, before Mary and Beth left. The energy felt right, and I felt that Nimue and Ernie had a lot to teach. I wanted to be a sponge and soak in all the knowledge, but it didn't happen that way. Ernie left. Secrets started to form. I felt betrayed towards the end, but I know that everyone did what they thought was best for them and the group. I had to drop off the world, but I only wish I knew why. Why the secrets? Why the dishonesty? I know that it would not have hurt me any more to know the truth, and it was only a matter of when.
I bear no grudges or animosity towards anyone. I wish I could tell Sally, Shawn, and Nim, that I still care about them and what the coven originally showed me. I guess I always have. It just took me going to talk to Tara to make me really think about it.