My court date......
My court date was on Wednesday. I don't even know why I got a lawyer because I would have gotten the same sentence with a public defender. What a waste of money! I have 50 hours of SATOP, 40 hours of community service, a Victim's Impact Panel Class and 2 years supervised probation. Also my license will be suspended for 30 days, then I will get a 60 day hardship that I can only drive on to work and alcohol related classes and such and I'll have to file for an SR-22. Our car insurance is going to double. Can you believe that shit?!?! I mean I know it's better than jail or prison but damn! No more drinking for me. I didn't get a fine though which I thought was strange. So far it's been, $500 to my lawyer and $188.50 in court costs. The Satop group is going to be a total of $1057, $45 to get my license back, $20 a month to my probation officer, another $350 to my lawyer for the administrative hearing and I think I'll have to pay something on my community service too. This has been 1 very expensive lesson. I can't believe it took all this to make me realize I had a problem? Why didn't I listen to my friends and family? I mean my problem wasn't huge; I am a social drinker but once I started I didn't want to stop. I love alcohol and I love to be drunk so yes, finally, once and for all Julie is admitting she has a problem. I think the court was only going to recommend 20 hours of SATOP but I am going to go ahead with the 50 hours for me. I'm already 14 and a half hours into it and I just started on Tuesday. I got rid of all the alcohol in my house. This is going to be really hard but I'll get through it. I am just going to have to become very domesticated which I need to be anyway. In some strange way this was probably a blessing. M**t and I want to start trying for children soon so time to grow up. After my SATOP and community serice is over I am for sure going to go full time at work. Poor M**t has been working all this over time so we'll have the money for all this shit. He is my angel.
The hard thing for me now is going to be getting over all this guilt. I mean you would have thought since my dad is a retired highway patrolman and I was raised by a police officer and the fact that his dad was killed by a drunk driver I wouldn't have wanted to drink in the first place but no, I was selfish. You would think all the times M**t missed work because he was tired because he was up all night taking care of my drunk ass would have made me want to stop but no, I was selfish. All this stuff is really hitting me hard. Everyone around me has forgiven me; I just need to forgive myself but that has always been very hard for me. My self-steem has always been low and it doesn't take much for me to hate myself. I'll ge through it though; one day at a time.
I thought my dad was going to commit murder when he went with me. J***s's court was the same day and time as mine. I saw his truck go by and I said, "Okay dad, I just saw J***s's truck go by; please keep all homicidal tendencies to yourself." When he walked in I said, "Oh my God he cut off his hair." And he said, "I want to cut his throat." Sheesh. I have never seen my dad hate someone so much in his life. He hates him because of the past I had with him when I was 17 and he was 22 at the time. He thinks since I was 17 when him and I were together it was rape but it was consensual sex. It shouldn't have happened but it was stupid, drunken, consensual sex. He was just bum and a drug addict at the time too; another reason why my dad hated him.
Well I guess the worst is over. Now to just get through the rest.
The hard thing for me now is going to be getting over all this guilt. I mean you would have thought since my dad is a retired highway patrolman and I was raised by a police officer and the fact that his dad was killed by a drunk driver I wouldn't have wanted to drink in the first place but no, I was selfish. You would think all the times M**t missed work because he was tired because he was up all night taking care of my drunk ass would have made me want to stop but no, I was selfish. All this stuff is really hitting me hard. Everyone around me has forgiven me; I just need to forgive myself but that has always been very hard for me. My self-steem has always been low and it doesn't take much for me to hate myself. I'll ge through it though; one day at a time.
I thought my dad was going to commit murder when he went with me. J***s's court was the same day and time as mine. I saw his truck go by and I said, "Okay dad, I just saw J***s's truck go by; please keep all homicidal tendencies to yourself." When he walked in I said, "Oh my God he cut off his hair." And he said, "I want to cut his throat." Sheesh. I have never seen my dad hate someone so much in his life. He hates him because of the past I had with him when I was 17 and he was 22 at the time. He thinks since I was 17 when him and I were together it was rape but it was consensual sex. It shouldn't have happened but it was stupid, drunken, consensual sex. He was just bum and a drug addict at the time too; another reason why my dad hated him.
Well I guess the worst is over. Now to just get through the rest.