I ran into them last night......

[julie7997]

I saw J***e and J***s last night at Bike Nights. First time I have seen them since he tried to kill himself at my house. It was very hard seeing them. They were just as happy as can be not giving a damn about how bad they hurt me. Why is it always me that dwells on things and hurt so bad? For once, why can't I be the heartless bitch and not give a shit? I gave her back the cell phone she had left at my house. She did actually say thank you. I also ran into her in the bathroom. She was standing outside one of the stalls with one of her friends. I was wondering why neither of them were going in there. She said, "I don't think you want to go in there. It's stopped up." I said "Fuck it. I don't care. When you got to go, you got to go." She laughed. So I guess we are on a civil basis. But there is a part of me that wants to hurt them badly like they hurt me. Not just emotionally but physically. I know that sounds horrible but I am just so angry. I have this rage building inside me that just won't go away. They didn't appreciate anything I did for them. I gave her a place to live for over a month. I practically saved his life. I honestly believe if he would've passed out from the alcohol and the Meclizine would have taken affect, he may not have woken up. I kept him awake. But then again there is another part of me that misses them. I am so torn. Why can't I just let it go and move on with my life?

The only reason why I went out last night was because it was my friend R***e's 26th birthday. I got home about 1:45 but didn't fall asleep until 2:30. It sucked because I had to be at work at 9:00. I don't know how I managed to stay awake all day. I can't believe I am still awake now! It was fun I guess. I'm not used to staying sober. Usually I atleast get a little buzz going. I had 2 very spaced out beers. The rest of the time I drank Coke.

Well I guess that's it. Another glimpse into my some what miserable life.