Often.....
Often during the day I wonder what you are doing right at that moment. Perhaps it is tearing at my own wound, but I also think of what you would be doing if we were still together. And it is not a pride issue of who broke up with who. It is the "out of nowhere" and "I never saw this coming" situation that is branded in my mind. At work I have a lot of quiet work time and I just think about it over and over- my mind continues to be boggled. When I get finished with my night shift and I am on my way home, a fantasy entertains my thoughts. I think that you will come to your senses and will have gone over to my house to wait for me. I feel like you will be at my kitchen table talking to my mom and when I walk in the door you will hug me and say you are sorry and that you love me. Then I turn on my street and your car isn't there. I remember that it is just a daydream, a fantasy. And I'm even more hurt and let down. I know I should'nt give myself false hope. But if that were to just happen, I would hug you back and tell you everything will be okay and that I never once stopped loving you. I've never wanted someone or hurt for someone so badly like I do you. I won't believe your tainted words you spoke the day you said you can't be with me anymore. I won't. Because that is what they were, tainted. They were not your words, but the words of other people who think they can live your live better than you can. For a time I saw the core of your soul. I saw what you had been, what you were, and what you wanted to be. I accepted and loved you for all of it. I still do. Even if now I have to love you through memories and hopeful visits you never make, I still love you. And in the deepest of my heart, I hear a whisper of your voice telling me you love me too. That whisper is louder than all of the voices that are telling you not to love me. I know you, and I know you still do.