Just stuff
I started school this last week. It's good. French, World Mythology, English, Palates and two swimming classes. Full time, believe it or not and it's more or less the same schedule as high school. Which I have to say is really comforting. I'm the type of person who needs that schedule. I even schedule the time when I talk to my friend. Obsessive compulsive, very controlling, but they know and I know when I'm going to call. I like schedule. I like a routine. Being spontaneous is fine, but I don't know if it's really any kind of way to live. At least when you can control it.
I've been feeling closer to God lately. It has been eye opening because I've gotten a little more distant with religion. Most of the time when I'm actually at church I'm preparing lessons for Sunday school with the girls, in the nursery getting my nice sunday dresses drooled on by teething toddlers, journaling, or admittedly playing sudoku in the hidden book I keep in my Bible cover. But I still feel so in tune spiritually. I work on devotionals in my head while I'm swimming, when I get into a bind I find myself praying quietly and then coming up with a solution. Alee, you are not only my best friend but such a help when I call and we talk out our grievances about being a PK but how great God is. I was in the shower the other day and there was a spider on my loofa. Instead of smashing it carelessly like I normally do, I scooped him up on a toilet paper roll and took him outside. Standing in my backyard, watching the spider crawl up the brick wall of my garden, I felt so incredibly light and peaceful. It sounds stupid and strange, but I remember my grampa telling me that being kind was always a reward in and of itself. Even though it was a spider, I still felt like I had done a good deed for the day.
So the Friday before this was awful. I had a terrible migraine, again. I e-mailed my doctor and she sent me back a letter about flu prevention. We've been dragging ourselves through my migraines together trying to find something that works for over two years now...the flu...really? I could have screamed. I cried, in fact. I broke down sobbing, and I'm not really an emotional person anymore. I had seen a doctor previously when my doctor was on her three month vacation and she was great, but she had no room for new patients. So I went to see her again on that day. I was in the waiting room with screaming kids who smelled like cheetos (with a migraine, that's like the 100th layer of hell) for almost an hour before the doctor could see me. I had my second break down when she told me I had IBS. Not going to get into that, but she said it was something I'd always have. Perfect. I'm having allergic reactions left and right to the migraine medicine, I have preventative medicine that doesn't work anymore, and IBS. She said there was one more medicine that we could try, she wanted to do blood work to see if my problems could get any better, and she'd give me the regular pain shots. Blood work came back perfect, good news. But I had an allergic reaction to the migraine medicine that we were trying. I've been combating the IBS with snacks all day, no meals, and a ton of fluid since dehydration is one of the wonderful side effects. The doctor gave me vicodin for my migraines until she can get a hold of a neurologist for me to go see. I really want to get these migraines under control because I don't even remember what it feels like to not have a pain in the head.
I'm very optimistic. I'm about to start a new journal (the real one, sorry but online journals are nothing compared to the soft crinkley pages that hold the personal writing, pictures, stories of life and you can fit it in your purse) and that is one of the most liberating feelings. Leave the last year behind, put it in box under the bed for safe keeping. Start something new, something fresh. And remind yourself that it's going to be the best journal yet. Think about the person you'll be in a year when it's finished. Think about all you will have accomplished and all the great things you will have seen.
Abraham Lincoln said, "The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."
There's always tomorrow. The future looks good.