(no subject)
So...it's been a long time since I've updated. A lot has been happening. Life has been good. I've been realizing that I have far more good, true, lifelong friends than I had formerly thought I had, and this has been a nice surprise. My life is finally starting to make sense to me. I've been singing a lot lately and I've been loving it. It's nice to finally allow myself to get serious about it and not have to consider it second to other activities. I've been reading Ayn Rand's philosophy books lately and I have been thoroughly enjoying it. I've been spending time with a lot of friends whom I genuinely enjoy talking with. I've been doing a lot of yoga and going to the beach quite a bit. It's nice to finally take care of my body. It feels good. It feels right. I think I've finally gotten my priorities straight.
I'm deferring Tufts/NEC for a year. Taking a year off to do a bunch of things, the primary of which is spending some time with my dad in Moscow, Russia. It's a long story why I'm doing this and how I decided to do this; if you want I can explain it to you personally and individually. But I think that this will work out well for me. I leave for Russia on August 27.
I feel like for the longest time, I was yearning for something that I could not find, couldn't understand and therefore couldn't even effectively seek. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm living it, not just watching it happen from aside. It's not that I didn't enjoy my life before, but I was just never fully living it. Now I am. This realization is enormous for me.
I'm doing things my way and it's beautiful. I have so many friends--such different friends!--who care about me very much and whom I care about. But I don't depend on them and on their presence in my life. I realized a flaw in how I perceived my friendships before and I owe a big thank you to a friend of mine for pointing it out to me at the beginning of the summer (I don't think she herself realized the lesson she had taught me, but still). I guess I have just always felt that because I don't have any siblings, I want to have several friends whom I know I can always depend on. Friends who, no matter what, will stand by me, support me, help me, and most importantly, truly and deeply and sincerely care about me (of course, these would be mutual). I want to feel that I am not alone in this world. Of course, I have my family (especially my mom, whom I love very much) and I hope she'll be around for a long, long time, but I want someone my age, someone in my generation, that I know I can count on. Is that silly? I had been disappointed toward the end of this past year that a really good friend of mine--whom I had perceived to be the kind of friend that I have just described--was not willing to/interested in being a friend like that. She didn't want to be attached or dependant, which is understandable. Then I realized that I have not several, but many such friends already--there are now six people in my life that I consider to be friends like that to me. But the incident with my other friend really got me thinking. There has been much talk among psychologists that Russian notions of friendship are very different from those of Americans. Russians tend to have closer, deeper, and thus more dependant friendships whereas Americans tend to have simpler, more straightforward, less emotional, more all-business/fact-driven friendships. I seem to yearn for the former. I don't think that the latter is enough to nourish the soul, so to speak. It's an acquaintanceship, not a friendship. What do you all think?
I guess that will end my spiel.
I'm deferring Tufts/NEC for a year. Taking a year off to do a bunch of things, the primary of which is spending some time with my dad in Moscow, Russia. It's a long story why I'm doing this and how I decided to do this; if you want I can explain it to you personally and individually. But I think that this will work out well for me. I leave for Russia on August 27.
I feel like for the longest time, I was yearning for something that I could not find, couldn't understand and therefore couldn't even effectively seek. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm living it, not just watching it happen from aside. It's not that I didn't enjoy my life before, but I was just never fully living it. Now I am. This realization is enormous for me.
I'm doing things my way and it's beautiful. I have so many friends--such different friends!--who care about me very much and whom I care about. But I don't depend on them and on their presence in my life. I realized a flaw in how I perceived my friendships before and I owe a big thank you to a friend of mine for pointing it out to me at the beginning of the summer (I don't think she herself realized the lesson she had taught me, but still). I guess I have just always felt that because I don't have any siblings, I want to have several friends whom I know I can always depend on. Friends who, no matter what, will stand by me, support me, help me, and most importantly, truly and deeply and sincerely care about me (of course, these would be mutual). I want to feel that I am not alone in this world. Of course, I have my family (especially my mom, whom I love very much) and I hope she'll be around for a long, long time, but I want someone my age, someone in my generation, that I know I can count on. Is that silly? I had been disappointed toward the end of this past year that a really good friend of mine--whom I had perceived to be the kind of friend that I have just described--was not willing to/interested in being a friend like that. She didn't want to be attached or dependant, which is understandable. Then I realized that I have not several, but many such friends already--there are now six people in my life that I consider to be friends like that to me. But the incident with my other friend really got me thinking. There has been much talk among psychologists that Russian notions of friendship are very different from those of Americans. Russians tend to have closer, deeper, and thus more dependant friendships whereas Americans tend to have simpler, more straightforward, less emotional, more all-business/fact-driven friendships. I seem to yearn for the former. I don't think that the latter is enough to nourish the soul, so to speak. It's an acquaintanceship, not a friendship. What do you all think?
I guess that will end my spiel.