(no subject)
Tonight was a night of remembering...not so pleasant memories. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel how I did back then, except worse because now, I can look back and say "You idiot! You should have known!" And it's all so...disgustingly miserable. I hate the fact that no matter what happens now, there will always be the lingering memories haunting my mind...reminding me that there was once a time, not too long ago, that things went on that I had no idea about. When the world fed me lies...and I swallowed them up without question to why they didn't taste right. Now, the memory of that bitter taste makes me want to vomit. I wish that I could. I wish that I could...and that would make it all better. I wish that I could just suck the venom out of my wounds and they would be healed and I could keep living without remembering that that once...I hurt. Once, the world crushed me under it's weight. And I had no idea. And once I had an idea...I just let it go. That makes me sick. And I wish there was something I could do to erase it. But, I can't. I can hide my photographs under my bed...but there will always be something to keep their image vivid in my memory. sick. I feel like I have a fever...like I can't breathe right. And my head is spinning. And my heart is thumping. And my eyes are beginning to leak. Why? This is how it used to be...when things were bad. Not now! Now, things could not be better. So, why do I feel like I did when the ground crumbled beneath my feet? Why do I feel a cold chill go over my overly warm body? Why does my stomach churn in such a way that it did when my life was not so great? My life is good now. Everything is alright now. Things are all better now. All better now. The world is my friend now. The world wouldn't hurt me anymore. Everything is good now. Or is it?