What I think about it
I like the OTO. Really I do, and I think it's great fun as a social circle, entirely fascinating as a cultural experiment, and most impressively educational in any number of ways. I'm charmed, I'm smitten, I've been dating it for almost four years now and I still enjoy and respect it.
But I've only actually married the boy. I'm still dating the order. I'm not going to dump him for putting so very much of his time and effort into this venture, in fact I'm rather pleased with him for it. But neither am I going to feel bad about not being as much of a participant in the things as he is this particular year. Or as I "should be" for my degree. I walked through the degrees through the material I felt I had more or less covered on my own. Now I need to review the material, learn whatever I had not have figured out yet, get the shapes of it sorted out a bit in my mind, before I wade in any farther all naive.
And before I do that, I have work of my own to do, to get back to speed being me. It's starting to work, but I'm very fragile. My nerves are shot. I've been running on empty by too much for too long, and I've got considerable damage to repair. Don't get me wrong, I knowingly let it happen, for what seemed to me good reason. But I have thereby earned my right to rest from that task, and I need a serious respite from any task of near such magnitude. I'm broken, I need to rest. My mind is a bit gooey at the moment, it's true. It needs to do that for a while. My nephesh is cowering in the corner terrified and too jittery to sleep, and I need some serious peace and lack of fear the world will fall apart if we forget about it for a while. Graduate school in ceremonial magick can wait a year or three if it has to. I need to remember how to sleep, first. Trust me on this one.
Or not, you know, as you wish.
But I've only actually married the boy. I'm still dating the order. I'm not going to dump him for putting so very much of his time and effort into this venture, in fact I'm rather pleased with him for it. But neither am I going to feel bad about not being as much of a participant in the things as he is this particular year. Or as I "should be" for my degree. I walked through the degrees through the material I felt I had more or less covered on my own. Now I need to review the material, learn whatever I had not have figured out yet, get the shapes of it sorted out a bit in my mind, before I wade in any farther all naive.
And before I do that, I have work of my own to do, to get back to speed being me. It's starting to work, but I'm very fragile. My nerves are shot. I've been running on empty by too much for too long, and I've got considerable damage to repair. Don't get me wrong, I knowingly let it happen, for what seemed to me good reason. But I have thereby earned my right to rest from that task, and I need a serious respite from any task of near such magnitude. I'm broken, I need to rest. My mind is a bit gooey at the moment, it's true. It needs to do that for a while. My nephesh is cowering in the corner terrified and too jittery to sleep, and I need some serious peace and lack of fear the world will fall apart if we forget about it for a while. Graduate school in ceremonial magick can wait a year or three if it has to. I need to remember how to sleep, first. Trust me on this one.
Or not, you know, as you wish.