(no subject)
Okay, this journal is really starting to suck out. It deserves an update.
Here goes:
I think I'm in a rut. Wait, no, it's not that simple. Nothing with me ever is.
I am. . .(ready for an analogy?) running down a hill, and I'm at that point where you realize that you can't stop yourself, so you throw your head back, open up your stride and point your toes. Careening down that hill. . . I have no idea how to stop and what's at the bottom. I am out of breath and I want to stop, but I can't because this is beyond my control.
Random Julia trivia: nothing, NOTHING is beyond my control, ever. I don't get my heart broken, I don't lose, I don't fail, I am in control.
So, what's sending me down this hill? Many things. . .
college: is it right? Did I sacrifice my four years of hard work and my high school innocence by not going to another school? Can I keep up? Can I leave my family? I am standing at the edge of this high cliff over looking the ocean and I can't see anything
will I sink or swim?
Guys: duh, of course, always a guy. . . He is very possibly the best guy I have ever met. He's smart, cute, sweet and so, so, so kind. He's already more of a boyfriend than any of my other boyfriends have been. It has been confirmed that he likes me, and lord knows I like him
but
I leave in 6 weeks.
I don't want to hurt this one.
We have six weeks when we need forever. . when I want forever.
How can I describe this one? He is. . . affectionate and loving and gentle. This one, unlike any of my others, is so gentle. I am possibly naive or awed enough to believe that I don't have to worry about getting hurt with this one.
All guards are down. . .I would follow you anywhere, so be careful where you lead.
I sit and talk with him and realize that I can't leave this one. I can't imagine life without him, or maybe I can't bear to imagine life without him.
So cliched, but there's this. . .connection
I need to lay off Oprah.
I have never just let myself run without thinking. Every step is planned and thought about. What happens when I let go?
Do I fall or fly?
In other news:
Should I post prom pictures up here? Hmmm. . .
Penny, I think we need a sleep over. . . I work from 8:00-5:00 everyday but we should really, really get together soon. GOSSIP!
Know what I've noticed about this journal? I only update when I'm sad or angry. Honestly, I'm one of the happiest people I know.
Here goes:
I think I'm in a rut. Wait, no, it's not that simple. Nothing with me ever is.
I am. . .(ready for an analogy?) running down a hill, and I'm at that point where you realize that you can't stop yourself, so you throw your head back, open up your stride and point your toes. Careening down that hill. . . I have no idea how to stop and what's at the bottom. I am out of breath and I want to stop, but I can't because this is beyond my control.
Random Julia trivia: nothing, NOTHING is beyond my control, ever. I don't get my heart broken, I don't lose, I don't fail, I am in control.
So, what's sending me down this hill? Many things. . .
college: is it right? Did I sacrifice my four years of hard work and my high school innocence by not going to another school? Can I keep up? Can I leave my family? I am standing at the edge of this high cliff over looking the ocean and I can't see anything
will I sink or swim?
Guys: duh, of course, always a guy. . . He is very possibly the best guy I have ever met. He's smart, cute, sweet and so, so, so kind. He's already more of a boyfriend than any of my other boyfriends have been. It has been confirmed that he likes me, and lord knows I like him
but
I leave in 6 weeks.
I don't want to hurt this one.
We have six weeks when we need forever. . when I want forever.
How can I describe this one? He is. . . affectionate and loving and gentle. This one, unlike any of my others, is so gentle. I am possibly naive or awed enough to believe that I don't have to worry about getting hurt with this one.
All guards are down. . .I would follow you anywhere, so be careful where you lead.
I sit and talk with him and realize that I can't leave this one. I can't imagine life without him, or maybe I can't bear to imagine life without him.
So cliched, but there's this. . .connection
I need to lay off Oprah.
I have never just let myself run without thinking. Every step is planned and thought about. What happens when I let go?
Do I fall or fly?
In other news:
Should I post prom pictures up here? Hmmm. . .
Penny, I think we need a sleep over. . . I work from 8:00-5:00 everyday but we should really, really get together soon. GOSSIP!
Know what I've noticed about this journal? I only update when I'm sad or angry. Honestly, I'm one of the happiest people I know.