(no subject)
Title: The Glass Man
Fic Rating: NC-17
Bit Rating: PG
Summary: Spaceships and robots and secks, oh my!
Warning: AU BAD!FIC. Utter ridiculous crack. Bad accents, Mary Stues, Gary Stues, odd names, bad geography, no humor, gaping plot-holes, blatant plot devices, unbelievable events, tedious backstory, and eventual secks for weird reasons. Feel free to abuse in comments.
The Catarrh
It was just when Andrew thought the Human had done every odd thing Andrew might expect of an alien lifeform that Bertie started making strange noises. These noises were different from the quiet moans, groans and grunts Andrew heard from Bertie on a daily basis. They were much more violent than a grunt, and they were continuous. He seemed unable to stop emitting them.
‘Are you alright, Bertie?’
‘Just a little cough, Andrew.’ Bertie replied hoarsely. ‘Possibly a parting gift from our faithful delivery boy. We’re nearly down another hundred, you know!’ he added as he removed another row of ‘ee doubleyou bees’ from Jeeves’ upper posterior computing bank.
‘Need you remove quite so many etched wiring boards at once, Bertie?’
‘Oh, I’ll have these done in a few days, don’t you worry, old chap. I haven’t lost a single one yet, you know. Except for the old Imperative Drive, that is,’ he added with a strain of regret in his voice. He dragged the armchair closer to the parlour stove, although the temperature in the room was eight Human degrees higher than it usually was, and the parlour stove was dangerously full of flame.
The Human’s own core body temperature was nearly two degrees higher than its usual 37.4962 degrees Celsius. Andrew believed at first that this was a reaction to the heat of the room. But after Bertie had dragged himself to bed that night, and the fire began to die down in the stove, the Human’s body temperature continued to rise, and his behaviour became odder than usual. He would frequently stiffen, shudder and thump his blankets. And sometimes he would reach out over the edge of the futon, and then let his arms drop. More than once he seemed to reach for Jeeves.
Bertie stayed in the futon for twelve hours, far longer than Andrew had known him to use it in a Human circadian cycle since the week they had first met. When Andrew prompted him with a quiet, ‘Good morning, Bertie. Are you not hungry?’ Bertie replied in a hoarse whisper, ‘Water!’
Andrew lifted the kettle. It was empty. The Device opened the cabin door, shoved the kettle into the snow, drew it back inside and shut the door again as quickly as it could, but it could not stop the chill March air from wafting into the cabin. Bertie shivered and let out a hoarse moan.
Andrew set the kettle on the stove and built up the fire, which it had kept burning as Bertie slept. The woodpile just inside the door was getting low. Andrew hummed worriedly as it observed the human drifting back into a fitful doze.
It was when the Human’s core body temperature had reached exactly forty-one degrees Celsius that Andrew decided to once again wake Jeeves. Bertie was shivering in spite of his blankets and he warmth of the cabin. He had not managed to drink more than a few sips of water, thumping the blankets in pain every time he swallowed. To the ‘coughing’ noises and ‘sneezing’ noises had been added an unmistakable whingeing keen of pain.
The Human was clearly in distress, and if Jeeves was properly functional he would know what to do about it. Andrew reached out a claw and poked Jeeves under the left ear.
1 Bit , 2 Bit, 3 Bit, 4 Bit, 5 Bit, 6 Bit, 7 Bit, 8 Bit, 9 Bit, 10.1 Bit
Fic Rating: NC-17
Bit Rating: PG
Summary: Spaceships and robots and secks, oh my!
Warning: AU BAD!FIC. Utter ridiculous crack. Bad accents, Mary Stues, Gary Stues, odd names, bad geography, no humor, gaping plot-holes, blatant plot devices, unbelievable events, tedious backstory, and eventual secks for weird reasons. Feel free to abuse in comments.
The Catarrh
It was just when Andrew thought the Human had done every odd thing Andrew might expect of an alien lifeform that Bertie started making strange noises. These noises were different from the quiet moans, groans and grunts Andrew heard from Bertie on a daily basis. They were much more violent than a grunt, and they were continuous. He seemed unable to stop emitting them.
‘Are you alright, Bertie?’
‘Just a little cough, Andrew.’ Bertie replied hoarsely. ‘Possibly a parting gift from our faithful delivery boy. We’re nearly down another hundred, you know!’ he added as he removed another row of ‘ee doubleyou bees’ from Jeeves’ upper posterior computing bank.
‘Need you remove quite so many etched wiring boards at once, Bertie?’
‘Oh, I’ll have these done in a few days, don’t you worry, old chap. I haven’t lost a single one yet, you know. Except for the old Imperative Drive, that is,’ he added with a strain of regret in his voice. He dragged the armchair closer to the parlour stove, although the temperature in the room was eight Human degrees higher than it usually was, and the parlour stove was dangerously full of flame.
The Human’s own core body temperature was nearly two degrees higher than its usual 37.4962 degrees Celsius. Andrew believed at first that this was a reaction to the heat of the room. But after Bertie had dragged himself to bed that night, and the fire began to die down in the stove, the Human’s body temperature continued to rise, and his behaviour became odder than usual. He would frequently stiffen, shudder and thump his blankets. And sometimes he would reach out over the edge of the futon, and then let his arms drop. More than once he seemed to reach for Jeeves.
Bertie stayed in the futon for twelve hours, far longer than Andrew had known him to use it in a Human circadian cycle since the week they had first met. When Andrew prompted him with a quiet, ‘Good morning, Bertie. Are you not hungry?’ Bertie replied in a hoarse whisper, ‘Water!’
Andrew lifted the kettle. It was empty. The Device opened the cabin door, shoved the kettle into the snow, drew it back inside and shut the door again as quickly as it could, but it could not stop the chill March air from wafting into the cabin. Bertie shivered and let out a hoarse moan.
Andrew set the kettle on the stove and built up the fire, which it had kept burning as Bertie slept. The woodpile just inside the door was getting low. Andrew hummed worriedly as it observed the human drifting back into a fitful doze.
It was when the Human’s core body temperature had reached exactly forty-one degrees Celsius that Andrew decided to once again wake Jeeves. Bertie was shivering in spite of his blankets and he warmth of the cabin. He had not managed to drink more than a few sips of water, thumping the blankets in pain every time he swallowed. To the ‘coughing’ noises and ‘sneezing’ noises had been added an unmistakable whingeing keen of pain.
The Human was clearly in distress, and if Jeeves was properly functional he would know what to do about it. Andrew reached out a claw and poked Jeeves under the left ear.
1 Bit , 2 Bit, 3 Bit, 4 Bit, 5 Bit, 6 Bit, 7 Bit, 8 Bit, 9 Bit, 10.1 Bit