Am I truly out of my mind?
The flashbacks are so often now.
They send me into frenzy.
Who's looking at me?
Who will touch me?
Who will attack me?
Do I take the xanax and become a zombie, or do I not and then just make a fool of myself. When I don't take it it feels like the blood in my veins is lava that will only harden and then become molten once more.
I want to find a razor and end all of this.
I'm so tired of the back and forth. I am so sad and sorry for those around me who take the brunt of my actions when I can't control what's going on between my body and mind.
I'm at the end of my rope, or so it feels like. though for the first time in a long time I feel like I have hope. Let's just pray that that grain of hope can keep me around long enough to get better.
more later.
J
They send me into frenzy.
Who's looking at me?
Who will touch me?
Who will attack me?
Do I take the xanax and become a zombie, or do I not and then just make a fool of myself. When I don't take it it feels like the blood in my veins is lava that will only harden and then become molten once more.
I want to find a razor and end all of this.
I'm so tired of the back and forth. I am so sad and sorry for those around me who take the brunt of my actions when I can't control what's going on between my body and mind.
I'm at the end of my rope, or so it feels like. though for the first time in a long time I feel like I have hope. Let's just pray that that grain of hope can keep me around long enough to get better.
more later.
J