Bite your fucking tongue.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I'm confused.
I really don't understand.
What did I do?
What did I say?
What went wrong?
A simple conversation.
A joke of sorts.
A miscommunication perhaps.
Desolation heaving in my chest.
Ice in my bones.
Molasses in my veins.
Lost.
I admire him.
I respect him.
Why is he so angry?
What did I do?
I never meant to upset.
Misconstrued emotions.
Unclear intentions.
An angry deep voice rises up in my mind.
An internal battle I feel like I'll never win.
it's just like last time, julia. don't you see?
I.... I don't understand.
you fucked it up. it's a cycle, and you know what comes next.
I don't want to.
yes you do.
Please don't make me do this, I... I really don't want to.
you know what you need.
it's in a brown box, to the left of your mattress. a pill bottle full, and a mint tin of razors.
kitchen knives. that's your answer. there's your fucking healing. your self-fucking-gratification.
Please, don't make me. I'll lose him forever.
i don't give a fuck. you know what you need.
I need the Lord. I need help.
you need to bleed.
I'm scared.
you're always scared. it's because you're nothing but a weak piece of shit.
i've seen ants more important than you. you don't need anything but pain.
I thought sin was sweet? I thought it was enticing, and attractive.
oh, but i am. i'm everything you need. once you slice, you'll feel so much better.
you'll feel beautiful. you'll feel worth it. you'll have control.
I will have control? I need control.
that's it...
just grab the box.
I can't do this. I'm sorry. I'm worthless.
this is exactly why he was upset. you are fucking worthless.
he's just ashamed he chose something as useless as you.
Sweaty palms.
Waiting for a call that won't happen.
I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry.
I love you more than razors.
I love you more than anything.
I'm sorry.
I'll just keep my mouth shut next time.
you sound like a creepy bastard.
I'm just lovesick.
I'm confused.
What else can you expect from a foolish heart?
I never meant to upset.
I never meant to hurt.
Funny thing about hands.
Phalanges.
Strange configurations of bones, muscles and skin.
I feel my hands can only destroy.
No beautiful creation.
Only pain.
Hurt.
Inexplicable unintentional destruction.
I took a heart once beautiful and destroyed it once.
I feel that I'm doing it again.
I don't mean to, I swear.
I would replace my own heart for yours if it meant your happiness.
I only want your happiness.
I fell in love with you in a way that I cannot explain.
It was like the song of a bird in the spring.
It cannot be stopped.
It cannot be controlled.
I fell in love with you as if I was falling asleep.
Slowly.
...and then all at once.
I'm past the point of no return.
Jaded heart.
blood rushing.
fingers tingling.
I need to feel the blood rush out of my skin.
I want to see it congeal around fresh wounds.
God, I'm a fuckup, and I'm sorry.
Almost four months clean.
Fight for it.
I'm fighting.
I will not relent.
I will not let you win, you fucking bastard of an addiction.
you need me.
No, I don't.
One more day.
Live one more day.
Let the Lord wrap his arms around you.
"The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want."
Hold on, just one more day.
Don't let it go.
Don't cut too deep, now.
Don't cut your life short.
Don't.
Cut.
Period.
"It started out with a kiss, it was only a kiss. How did we end up like this?"
Exhale.
I'm confused.
I really don't understand.
What did I do?
What did I say?
What went wrong?
A simple conversation.
A joke of sorts.
A miscommunication perhaps.
Desolation heaving in my chest.
Ice in my bones.
Molasses in my veins.
Lost.
I admire him.
I respect him.
Why is he so angry?
What did I do?
I never meant to upset.
Misconstrued emotions.
Unclear intentions.
An angry deep voice rises up in my mind.
An internal battle I feel like I'll never win.
it's just like last time, julia. don't you see?
I.... I don't understand.
you fucked it up. it's a cycle, and you know what comes next.
I don't want to.
yes you do.
Please don't make me do this, I... I really don't want to.
you know what you need.
it's in a brown box, to the left of your mattress. a pill bottle full, and a mint tin of razors.
kitchen knives. that's your answer. there's your fucking healing. your self-fucking-gratification.
Please, don't make me. I'll lose him forever.
i don't give a fuck. you know what you need.
I need the Lord. I need help.
you need to bleed.
I'm scared.
you're always scared. it's because you're nothing but a weak piece of shit.
i've seen ants more important than you. you don't need anything but pain.
I thought sin was sweet? I thought it was enticing, and attractive.
oh, but i am. i'm everything you need. once you slice, you'll feel so much better.
you'll feel beautiful. you'll feel worth it. you'll have control.
I will have control? I need control.
that's it...
just grab the box.
I can't do this. I'm sorry. I'm worthless.
this is exactly why he was upset. you are fucking worthless.
he's just ashamed he chose something as useless as you.
Sweaty palms.
Waiting for a call that won't happen.
I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry.
I love you more than razors.
I love you more than anything.
I'm sorry.
I'll just keep my mouth shut next time.
you sound like a creepy bastard.
I'm just lovesick.
I'm confused.
What else can you expect from a foolish heart?
I never meant to upset.
I never meant to hurt.
Funny thing about hands.
Phalanges.
Strange configurations of bones, muscles and skin.
I feel my hands can only destroy.
No beautiful creation.
Only pain.
Hurt.
Inexplicable unintentional destruction.
I took a heart once beautiful and destroyed it once.
I feel that I'm doing it again.
I don't mean to, I swear.
I would replace my own heart for yours if it meant your happiness.
I only want your happiness.
I fell in love with you in a way that I cannot explain.
It was like the song of a bird in the spring.
It cannot be stopped.
It cannot be controlled.
I fell in love with you as if I was falling asleep.
Slowly.
...and then all at once.
I'm past the point of no return.
Jaded heart.
blood rushing.
fingers tingling.
I need to feel the blood rush out of my skin.
I want to see it congeal around fresh wounds.
God, I'm a fuckup, and I'm sorry.
Almost four months clean.
Fight for it.
I'm fighting.
I will not relent.
I will not let you win, you fucking bastard of an addiction.
you need me.
No, I don't.
One more day.
Live one more day.
Let the Lord wrap his arms around you.
"The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want."
Hold on, just one more day.
Don't let it go.
Don't cut too deep, now.
Don't cut your life short.
Don't.
Cut.
Period.
"It started out with a kiss, it was only a kiss. How did we end up like this?"