I Just Don't Understand...
Okay...I am going to need some kind of male advice or something, if that is even possible. This is the situation...
Alright, as ya may know, the first and last relationship (not last as the final one for my life) that I was in started when I was 15 and lasted until I was 17. It was actually terminated on Valentine's Day 2005 when I broke it off. Well, it lasted for about 2 1/2 years and was really great until I found out the kid was unfaithful and did whatever he did (I discussed it in my October 27th entry if you wanna look back in my archive). For a while I was hurt and really broken because I had invested so much time, energy, love, compassion and myself into it. For a while I thought I would never ever be with anyone again because I could never trust as much as I did. My heart began to build up this defense mechanism that would push away any person that was trying to get close to me. Anyhow, long story short, I have gotten over most of that stuff and feel as though I am finally ready to get into a realtionship with someone.
Well, since then there have been individuals who have tried to "holla" at me and what have you. They have been persistent, but I just couldn't be with them. Well, as you know, I went to St. John's this past school year and was a resident student so I was living by myself and was going to another church from there. Now that I am back home, I started going to church with Diane regularly. (I only visited her church periodically, but I have been going there more frequently now.)
At her church, there is a drummer and a keyboardist. The first Sunday I went there, I sat two rows from them and have been sitting around that area ever since. Well, every time I sit there, they BOTH eye me all service long and they always whispering to each other and stuff. My thing is, WHY DON'T THEY JUST SAY SOMETHING TO ME?! My goodness!
I was mad after church on Sunday when I was thinking to myself outside. WHY? Because I want them to holla! I really want the keyboardist in particular to, but he's being "shy". Why though? He is practically everything I like, especially because he has the musical talent! I loooove a guy that can freestyle, sang (not sing), or play some kind of instrument. It is just cool to me because I, too, can do all that. (Well, my freestyling is kinda weak but, I sing well, so I think that overrides my weak freestyling. lol) But back to my main question....
WHY DO GUYS NOT HOLLA EVEN WHEN THEY WANT TO?! I KNOW that they like me, I just do! I know it with every ounce of knowledge in my body! Even Judith came to church and said it the other day when I already KNEW it for a fact! So, why don't they just holla already?! Don't tell me that they are afraid. What are they really afraid of? They should just man up! I am not coming on strong, trust me. All this stuff just goes on in my head. I just really wanna know...seriously. What is it because I just do not understand?!
Alright, as ya may know, the first and last relationship (not last as the final one for my life) that I was in started when I was 15 and lasted until I was 17. It was actually terminated on Valentine's Day 2005 when I broke it off. Well, it lasted for about 2 1/2 years and was really great until I found out the kid was unfaithful and did whatever he did (I discussed it in my October 27th entry if you wanna look back in my archive). For a while I was hurt and really broken because I had invested so much time, energy, love, compassion and myself into it. For a while I thought I would never ever be with anyone again because I could never trust as much as I did. My heart began to build up this defense mechanism that would push away any person that was trying to get close to me. Anyhow, long story short, I have gotten over most of that stuff and feel as though I am finally ready to get into a realtionship with someone.
Well, since then there have been individuals who have tried to "holla" at me and what have you. They have been persistent, but I just couldn't be with them. Well, as you know, I went to St. John's this past school year and was a resident student so I was living by myself and was going to another church from there. Now that I am back home, I started going to church with Diane regularly. (I only visited her church periodically, but I have been going there more frequently now.)
At her church, there is a drummer and a keyboardist. The first Sunday I went there, I sat two rows from them and have been sitting around that area ever since. Well, every time I sit there, they BOTH eye me all service long and they always whispering to each other and stuff. My thing is, WHY DON'T THEY JUST SAY SOMETHING TO ME?! My goodness!
I was mad after church on Sunday when I was thinking to myself outside. WHY? Because I want them to holla! I really want the keyboardist in particular to, but he's being "shy". Why though? He is practically everything I like, especially because he has the musical talent! I loooove a guy that can freestyle, sang (not sing), or play some kind of instrument. It is just cool to me because I, too, can do all that. (Well, my freestyling is kinda weak but, I sing well, so I think that overrides my weak freestyling. lol) But back to my main question....
WHY DO GUYS NOT HOLLA EVEN WHEN THEY WANT TO?! I KNOW that they like me, I just do! I know it with every ounce of knowledge in my body! Even Judith came to church and said it the other day when I already KNEW it for a fact! So, why don't they just holla already?! Don't tell me that they are afraid. What are they really afraid of? They should just man up! I am not coming on strong, trust me. All this stuff just goes on in my head. I just really wanna know...seriously. What is it because I just do not understand?!