Is he my boyfriend... Or is he an ex now..?? who knows?!?! I wish I did...
Ok... So the first day not talking to Drew and not trying to call him is over... You have no idea how hard it has been for me to not pick up the phone and tell him how much I miss him and how much I love him, but I'm doing this for him... B/c I love him... So much... I will do anything for him... Even if he doesn't believe me... I do trust him and I do believe that deep down in his heart he doesn't want to give up on us... I just think he's going through a rough time right now.. With his family and with one of his friends dying... I know how hard it can be on a person... And even though I so badly want to be there for him and help him through everything, I'm not going to try because he doesn't want me there... But I love him and I'd give anything to just hold him and let him know everything is going to be alright... So I don't know whats going to happen.. All I know is that I need to keep having faith that things will work out with time and we will be back together... Even if it is just as friends... Yeah... It'll kill me inside and it might take a little time for me to actually become a friend, like it has with all my ex's... But I know it's possible... Look at Scott and PNutt... And Brandon.... Yeah... They didn't treat me so hot and yeah they all hurt me... But I still talk to them.. And I was able to put my feelings aside to try and save a friendship... It took time, but it happened..
So anyway... On a brighter note... I talked to my baby cousin Jessica again.. Well yesterday now... But yeah... It's so great to know that we're gonna be able to keep in touch and stuff... And I'm so excited about her coming down here over the summer.. So much fun! I just still can't believe she's graduating from high school this year.. Wow I feel old!!
But yeah... Talked to Brittannie for the first time over the phone... It was pretty cool.. I'm just glad that we were able to put all that shit aside and be friends...
Went to dinner with Amanda, Heather, Britnee, and Brian tonight... That was fun... Hung out with them until Scott called for "Movie Night"... Yeah... We watched a few movies with his Uncle... And had a blast! We had a tickle fight.. hahaha... He's so goofy!! I swear!! His girlfriend Ashley called and talked for a few minutes... She's such a sweetheart... I'm so happy for them! Like seriously... You have no idea... Even though she's so much younger... She seems like the perfect girl for him.. I'm just glad he found someone that makes him happy!
But yeah... Then went to Tiff's WaHo and chilled with her, Aleah, and Brian H. ..... Til about yeah... When I left to come home.. So I think I did alright for my first day... I still ended up having a long talk with Devon for like 30 minutes.. (Sorry Devon) But it's good to know that I have friends who are willing to help me through this... B/c yeah... It may not be that big of a deal to most people, but that's b/c they don't look at it from my point of view... I mean, it's killing me inside right now.. Yeah... I may not let it show, but it is... I love Drew so damn much it's not even funny!! It hurts... That's how much I love him!!
And I'll never stop loving him... As long as I live... Even if we don't last.. There will always be a piece of me that loves him.. Just like I hope there's a piece of him that will always love me.. B/c even though we've been through soooo many hard times... There were good times that I will always remember... Like the ice fight at Angela's... hahaha... Wow that was crazy!! Or our first kiss.. Hiding under the blankets... (shhh... they'll never find us under here) hehehe... Wow... Just thinking of little things like that make me smile... And even bring a tear to my eye... B/c to think... All the things we've been through could just add up to nothing... Me actually finding a way into his house and trying for over 15 minutes to wake him up and when I finally gave up and laid down... His phone rings.. I put it to silent.. Start to go into the games and all of a sudden his head is over my shoulder and he asks me what I'm doing... After trying to wake him up for over 15 minutes!!! All I had to do was press a button in his phone and BAM... He's up!!! lol..... It's crazy the memories you think of when you know you can't automatically call that person up and say "Hey... You remember when...?".... It hurts... I just hope that me waiting for him to call doesn't end up to be some kind of false hope that's been building inside me...
But yeah... I think I'm gonna stop here cuz I could go on forever and I don't think anybody is gonna actually read through this whole thing anyway...
I do want to say thank you to Devon and Tina (don't know what I'd do without you two!! I owe you my life! Thank you soooooooooo much for all the help.. Even if it was all for nothing.... Just please help me stay positive through all of this) And Aleah and Tiff b/c ya'll have tried so hard to keep me laughing and it means so much to me!! Thank you!
And I still want to say this.... I love you Drew!! Even though we're not talking... I will always love you baby!!!
Night ya'll!!
cya later space cowboy!!
So anyway... On a brighter note... I talked to my baby cousin Jessica again.. Well yesterday now... But yeah... It's so great to know that we're gonna be able to keep in touch and stuff... And I'm so excited about her coming down here over the summer.. So much fun! I just still can't believe she's graduating from high school this year.. Wow I feel old!!
But yeah... Talked to Brittannie for the first time over the phone... It was pretty cool.. I'm just glad that we were able to put all that shit aside and be friends...
Went to dinner with Amanda, Heather, Britnee, and Brian tonight... That was fun... Hung out with them until Scott called for "Movie Night"... Yeah... We watched a few movies with his Uncle... And had a blast! We had a tickle fight.. hahaha... He's so goofy!! I swear!! His girlfriend Ashley called and talked for a few minutes... She's such a sweetheart... I'm so happy for them! Like seriously... You have no idea... Even though she's so much younger... She seems like the perfect girl for him.. I'm just glad he found someone that makes him happy!
But yeah... Then went to Tiff's WaHo and chilled with her, Aleah, and Brian H. ..... Til about yeah... When I left to come home.. So I think I did alright for my first day... I still ended up having a long talk with Devon for like 30 minutes.. (Sorry Devon) But it's good to know that I have friends who are willing to help me through this... B/c yeah... It may not be that big of a deal to most people, but that's b/c they don't look at it from my point of view... I mean, it's killing me inside right now.. Yeah... I may not let it show, but it is... I love Drew so damn much it's not even funny!! It hurts... That's how much I love him!!
And I'll never stop loving him... As long as I live... Even if we don't last.. There will always be a piece of me that loves him.. Just like I hope there's a piece of him that will always love me.. B/c even though we've been through soooo many hard times... There were good times that I will always remember... Like the ice fight at Angela's... hahaha... Wow that was crazy!! Or our first kiss.. Hiding under the blankets... (shhh... they'll never find us under here) hehehe... Wow... Just thinking of little things like that make me smile... And even bring a tear to my eye... B/c to think... All the things we've been through could just add up to nothing... Me actually finding a way into his house and trying for over 15 minutes to wake him up and when I finally gave up and laid down... His phone rings.. I put it to silent.. Start to go into the games and all of a sudden his head is over my shoulder and he asks me what I'm doing... After trying to wake him up for over 15 minutes!!! All I had to do was press a button in his phone and BAM... He's up!!! lol..... It's crazy the memories you think of when you know you can't automatically call that person up and say "Hey... You remember when...?".... It hurts... I just hope that me waiting for him to call doesn't end up to be some kind of false hope that's been building inside me...
But yeah... I think I'm gonna stop here cuz I could go on forever and I don't think anybody is gonna actually read through this whole thing anyway...
I do want to say thank you to Devon and Tina (don't know what I'd do without you two!! I owe you my life! Thank you soooooooooo much for all the help.. Even if it was all for nothing.... Just please help me stay positive through all of this) And Aleah and Tiff b/c ya'll have tried so hard to keep me laughing and it means so much to me!! Thank you!
And I still want to say this.... I love you Drew!! Even though we're not talking... I will always love you baby!!!
Night ya'll!!
cya later space cowboy!!