life...and this is for all of this crap going on, and life here at CWU
CWU...CWU...CWU..there's no place like home
"summer time is finally here, that ol' ballpark man is back in gear..yeah it' sjust like a long lost friend you ain't seen in a while"- this will be my theme song on thursday
First off, thank you to ALL of my CWU friends, including anyone I've yet to speak to lately.
After my first final today, I've decided that I need to say a few things.
I LOVE this school. I love these people. I love the way they accept me for who I am, and don't expect me to censor myself.
adn that is dedicated to everyone who is mad at me right now.. Why:?! because i've decided that we are all going to get through this, but I'm not going to back down, and I'm not going to change.
Riley has said a few things to me lately. First off, there's three little words that keep me through my day. Second, there's a smile on his face that puts a spring in my step. And he says to me, "Jules, you CAN'T keep fixing things. You have to stop being there, and start seeing people figure this out on your own. And you, you need to do that. It's not your responsibility, and I hate to see you this upset about something you didn't even do" So that's true. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING
lemme repeat myself
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING
IF BEING GOD DAMN SUPPORTIVE OF CERTAIN PEOPLE MAKES ME THE BAD GUY THEN FUCK THIS. I'M NOT GOING TO BE THE JULES WHO YOU CAN CALL AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF B/C YOU KNOW I'LL FIX IT. IM NOT FIXING ANYTHING ANYMORE. YOU CANNOT DEPEND ON ME TO FIX ANYTHING ANYMORE. BECAUSE IM DONE. DONE DONE DONE. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU ALL WANT ME TO SAY ABOUT THIS?!
WHAT IS IT THAT I AM EXPECTED TO DO?! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SAY.
IM EXHAUSTED BECAUSE THIS SITUATION HAS MADE ME LOOK AT YOU ALL SO DIFFERENTLY AND I AM FUCKING SICK OF SEEING THIS PAIN HIT US ALL.
Besides all that, finals went well today. Riley and I are getting along really well and I am going to miss that boy more then most of the people in my life this summer. I'll be seeing him every two weeks, but even then that's a lot of time apart. God, I can't think about that without getting a bit teary eyed. He's just one of my best friends now. I love him more then I've ever loved anyone.
We had a great weekend. I had so much fun and I haven't had that much fun in a long time. And then I read someone's livejournal and this all got me really upset. And I hate to be this upset especially during finals week. So, like Tice has told me, like Potter has told me, like Ri has told me, I'm not going to be there anymore.
that's not for everyone. Some of you did nothing wrong in my opinion. and some of you know how much I'm sorry for all this.
And I am sorry. Im sorry that we can't handle this the way I want it to be handled. I'm sorry that it's made me isolated from other people. i'm sorry that I've become the bad guy here and i'm sorry that we can't handle this any differently.
You're welcome to call me a bitch. You're welcome to call me a bad person. If that makes any o fyou feel better, then do so.
But realize, when you do so, that I will be the one upset. I will be the one crying when i'm alone. And you one day will realize how wrongly this was handled.
that is all.
jules