(no subject)
So here comes a bit of venting: be forewarned.
I flew back to LA from a very calm (minus the glaring realization upon shopping with DJ that the boy is married to certain ideals that I simply do not agree with) and supportive family environment... where the commentary came from a place of reason and concern, yet, hopefulness and happiness for ME.
Nonetheless, I walked into the airport Mon. night and realized that my flight was delayed and was pissed - I was already coming home to an empty apartment and had work the next morning. To make matters worse, I was stuck in the airport in a very uncomfortable situation of avoidance for like 90min. which turned into an awkward conversation and a scramble to find seats, as late borders on a fully loaded plane, that almost resulted in disaster for the duration of the flight. Not my ideal trip back. Once arriving at the airport, my friend who happened to be flying at the same time (who saved me a seat - thank you Katie!) could not remember where she had parked in the C lot for economy parking. This was wonderful considering the amount of baggage we both were lugging around. However, God smiled on us a bit and she did find her car rather quickly in the lot. I got home at like 11:20pm and passed out.
Tues. morning I get to work and find a nice 2 page myspace message from DJ's girlfriend in my 'inbox'... prompted, I'm sure, by the fact that we spent the afternoon together on Mon. be4 I left. Ahhh... the joys of being the stronger verbal communicator. I responded in three pages of opinion, as cordially as possible. ;.) Needless to say, I don't think there will be many further conversations of that kind. Tues. night, Kelly and I hung out a bit and she caught me up on a recent re-entry into her life of a person that I def. do not like. But, I understand her need to be tolerant and forgiving - Lord knows I am not one to judge that kind of lenience.
Wed. work was going well and I was thinking that I might go for dollar bowling with Brian and Judith and Mo. etc. Then Nat. called and had a disastrous fight with her mom that almost left her stranded at Union Station. Whose parents refuse to bring you home from your holiday trip to see them last min. bc they are mad at you? I mean really... are we 15 here? Thankfully, Nat. made it home via subway and I was able to go bowling instead of going to the station to get her.
NOW.... BOWLING WAS SA-WEET! Don't get me wrong, I love these people. HOWEVER, sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole and hide from judgment. All of my friends know that I am trying the best I can to be positive here and there is all of this doubt and scoffing and joking and advice flying around me that sometimes makes it harder to deal with. Frankly, I am tired of no one understanding the situation. Even my family, though supportive, does not understand. This makes me very sad. Nonetheless, I stand by what my away message says today:
Hit it number4: Don't plague me with your doubtful IMs and little faith people! I have important business to attend to and really only need one person on my side... and I know that he is, even though none of you are. So there! ;-)
This is not to say that people are not hoping for a pleasant outcome... it's just that no one really honestly sees anything healthy or 'change oriented' coming from it at all. *sigh* Really, I guess it does not matter. I am my own woman and a very strong one at that - I know what I need - I know what I want - I know what I have to do... and I am going to do it all for ME. :-) When I look in the mirror, the most important approval I can receive is my OWN.
Anyway, this is my rant. Hopefully going out to see Jason and his family in Pasadena tonight (since they are in LA at his grandma's *joy* ) will be fun times.
Happy New Years to everyone! I hope that in the year to follow, I will have less rants of frustration and more posts of joy for this journal (who no one really reads - so again, I am talking to myself - yay dorks!)
I flew back to LA from a very calm (minus the glaring realization upon shopping with DJ that the boy is married to certain ideals that I simply do not agree with) and supportive family environment... where the commentary came from a place of reason and concern, yet, hopefulness and happiness for ME.
Nonetheless, I walked into the airport Mon. night and realized that my flight was delayed and was pissed - I was already coming home to an empty apartment and had work the next morning. To make matters worse, I was stuck in the airport in a very uncomfortable situation of avoidance for like 90min. which turned into an awkward conversation and a scramble to find seats, as late borders on a fully loaded plane, that almost resulted in disaster for the duration of the flight. Not my ideal trip back. Once arriving at the airport, my friend who happened to be flying at the same time (who saved me a seat - thank you Katie!) could not remember where she had parked in the C lot for economy parking. This was wonderful considering the amount of baggage we both were lugging around. However, God smiled on us a bit and she did find her car rather quickly in the lot. I got home at like 11:20pm and passed out.
Tues. morning I get to work and find a nice 2 page myspace message from DJ's girlfriend in my 'inbox'... prompted, I'm sure, by the fact that we spent the afternoon together on Mon. be4 I left. Ahhh... the joys of being the stronger verbal communicator. I responded in three pages of opinion, as cordially as possible. ;.) Needless to say, I don't think there will be many further conversations of that kind. Tues. night, Kelly and I hung out a bit and she caught me up on a recent re-entry into her life of a person that I def. do not like. But, I understand her need to be tolerant and forgiving - Lord knows I am not one to judge that kind of lenience.
Wed. work was going well and I was thinking that I might go for dollar bowling with Brian and Judith and Mo. etc. Then Nat. called and had a disastrous fight with her mom that almost left her stranded at Union Station. Whose parents refuse to bring you home from your holiday trip to see them last min. bc they are mad at you? I mean really... are we 15 here? Thankfully, Nat. made it home via subway and I was able to go bowling instead of going to the station to get her.
NOW.... BOWLING WAS SA-WEET! Don't get me wrong, I love these people. HOWEVER, sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole and hide from judgment. All of my friends know that I am trying the best I can to be positive here and there is all of this doubt and scoffing and joking and advice flying around me that sometimes makes it harder to deal with. Frankly, I am tired of no one understanding the situation. Even my family, though supportive, does not understand. This makes me very sad. Nonetheless, I stand by what my away message says today:
Hit it number4: Don't plague me with your doubtful IMs and little faith people! I have important business to attend to and really only need one person on my side... and I know that he is, even though none of you are. So there! ;-)
This is not to say that people are not hoping for a pleasant outcome... it's just that no one really honestly sees anything healthy or 'change oriented' coming from it at all. *sigh* Really, I guess it does not matter. I am my own woman and a very strong one at that - I know what I need - I know what I want - I know what I have to do... and I am going to do it all for ME. :-) When I look in the mirror, the most important approval I can receive is my OWN.
Anyway, this is my rant. Hopefully going out to see Jason and his family in Pasadena tonight (since they are in LA at his grandma's *joy* ) will be fun times.
Happy New Years to everyone! I hope that in the year to follow, I will have less rants of frustration and more posts of joy for this journal (who no one really reads - so again, I am talking to myself - yay dorks!)