(no subject)
Remember that time you couldn't figure out what was bothering you, but something was nagging away? Yea-welcome to my world at 12:58 on Monday night/Tuesday Morning. It was an amazing weekend-so good I haven't had a chance to update until now. Went for a bunch of rides to and from the train station and also went to BWI to drop Jenny and Britney off. Drank some, watched ALOT of movies, relaxed alot and just saw some great people. It was amazingly relaxing. The Sox lost horribley on Saturday night but then won the last two games with Ortiz hitting the homer that ended the game!! I do believe!! :)
I just feel really scared about slowly moving away from home. I think about what brings me back home, and then I realize that its less and less. I mean when I get home, I check the mail that I received when I was gone and give my stuffed animals a big hug (DON"T LAUGH!). I love my bed at home and I love my bathroom-including the shower. But my hs friends were never from marblehead-we were all spread out because thats what happens when you go to a silly private school in boston. And then all of my nfty friends are spread out as well. And I just feel like while I am slowly seperating, everyone else is moving closer together. Shouldn't it be good that I am creating more bonds in college, instead of holding on too tightly to what I had 2 years ago?? What did I have then? I get sad when I think about missing my school's reunion for West Africa and then I remember that things will just be the way they always were. Nothing changes with them though I tell myself that it will. I make myself believe that it will be different because I have grown up-but they never did. Most of them never left Boston. I am the only one in this state and one of the farthest away from home. They hang out on the weekends still, know each others' friends, and still are together. And part of me really envies that. I don't know why because I sit here and think about how I don't know what I would do if I weren't here. I guess I am just scared. Scared about going home at Thanksgiving to find out the news of my mom's 1 year mammogram, scared about family arguements that I just don't want to deal with anymore, scared about not talking to the people who helped define myself. Especially the nfty friends-they were there for me through thick and thin-they were there from the moment it happened, knew that it was just hard-no other words, it was just hard. It's not easy to understand, and they never tried to-they were just there. And my best friends here dont' try to understand either and they are there for me now-it's just scary to lose those people who were there for me then. And then I realize how ridiuculously silly this is because I have the best friend one could ever ask for and I am beyond happy here at Goucher. And I begin to realize how much this place really means to me. So I guess after writing about how much I miss hs, I need to say thank you to those who have made my time here incredible because I don't want this to come across as ungrateful in any way. I am just scared right now, that's all...
I had a fantastic meeting with Dean Edmonds. Gosh, I hope that all that we talked about really works out and maybe even turn into an internship over this summer. It would be incredible. As I heard her talking about everything it just made me want to do it more and more! I think that's a good sign-when you are so passionate about something that you think you couldn't be more passionate and then you get even more excited about it!
I have a pretty shitty week coming up. Test and critque tomorrow, and a sociology test on Friday that she hasn't even talked about AT ALL! But at least it's only a 4 day week. That helps ALOT. One less day to deal with stuff. I just want to sleep, but I cannot anymore. Im never tired, yet constantly not able to keep my eyes open...who knows?!
I realized I am just confused about alot of things and people. People's actions are truly confusing and I just get lost in it all and then add my emotions in and it just gets more complicated. I just need to let things flow because that's truly the best way to deal with things.
I voted today and need to send in my ballot tomorrow!! Got the card from my mom which had the wedding announcement for a girl I used to dance with-she was MUCH older than me. I was looking at the guy in the picture and it was not who I would have expected her to end up with-guess that teaches me something. Bracelets should be coming in the mail this week!!
It's probably time for sleep since I am getting up early in order to study some more in the morning...wait it already is morning! :( Oh well, thanks for reading this if you actually did...
~J
I just feel really scared about slowly moving away from home. I think about what brings me back home, and then I realize that its less and less. I mean when I get home, I check the mail that I received when I was gone and give my stuffed animals a big hug (DON"T LAUGH!). I love my bed at home and I love my bathroom-including the shower. But my hs friends were never from marblehead-we were all spread out because thats what happens when you go to a silly private school in boston. And then all of my nfty friends are spread out as well. And I just feel like while I am slowly seperating, everyone else is moving closer together. Shouldn't it be good that I am creating more bonds in college, instead of holding on too tightly to what I had 2 years ago?? What did I have then? I get sad when I think about missing my school's reunion for West Africa and then I remember that things will just be the way they always were. Nothing changes with them though I tell myself that it will. I make myself believe that it will be different because I have grown up-but they never did. Most of them never left Boston. I am the only one in this state and one of the farthest away from home. They hang out on the weekends still, know each others' friends, and still are together. And part of me really envies that. I don't know why because I sit here and think about how I don't know what I would do if I weren't here. I guess I am just scared. Scared about going home at Thanksgiving to find out the news of my mom's 1 year mammogram, scared about family arguements that I just don't want to deal with anymore, scared about not talking to the people who helped define myself. Especially the nfty friends-they were there for me through thick and thin-they were there from the moment it happened, knew that it was just hard-no other words, it was just hard. It's not easy to understand, and they never tried to-they were just there. And my best friends here dont' try to understand either and they are there for me now-it's just scary to lose those people who were there for me then. And then I realize how ridiuculously silly this is because I have the best friend one could ever ask for and I am beyond happy here at Goucher. And I begin to realize how much this place really means to me. So I guess after writing about how much I miss hs, I need to say thank you to those who have made my time here incredible because I don't want this to come across as ungrateful in any way. I am just scared right now, that's all...
I had a fantastic meeting with Dean Edmonds. Gosh, I hope that all that we talked about really works out and maybe even turn into an internship over this summer. It would be incredible. As I heard her talking about everything it just made me want to do it more and more! I think that's a good sign-when you are so passionate about something that you think you couldn't be more passionate and then you get even more excited about it!
I have a pretty shitty week coming up. Test and critque tomorrow, and a sociology test on Friday that she hasn't even talked about AT ALL! But at least it's only a 4 day week. That helps ALOT. One less day to deal with stuff. I just want to sleep, but I cannot anymore. Im never tired, yet constantly not able to keep my eyes open...who knows?!
I realized I am just confused about alot of things and people. People's actions are truly confusing and I just get lost in it all and then add my emotions in and it just gets more complicated. I just need to let things flow because that's truly the best way to deal with things.
I voted today and need to send in my ballot tomorrow!! Got the card from my mom which had the wedding announcement for a girl I used to dance with-she was MUCH older than me. I was looking at the guy in the picture and it was not who I would have expected her to end up with-guess that teaches me something. Bracelets should be coming in the mail this week!!
It's probably time for sleep since I am getting up early in order to study some more in the morning...wait it already is morning! :( Oh well, thanks for reading this if you actually did...
~J