Somber Resplendence
It was a somber day. Everyone was just... down. I don't know.
My experience with the somber day started bright and early at 8:00. Josh walked in the door early. For PSAT's. The sophomores and juniors were taking them. I said hello to him. He looked very upset. He came over to me and said, "She died last night." I wanted to cry right then and there. I just didn't know what to say. What do you say to something like that? Last weekend, or around there, his friend Emily got in a car accident. He's known her since he was four.. or maybe younger, I don't quite remember. He told me she was an amazing athlete, with a volleyball scholarship. He sees her every so often when they go downstate. She was paralyzed. She developed an infection Monday night. And then last night, she died. A beautiful, talented, amazing 16 year old. Now, I don't know her. Have never seen her. Have never talked to her. But how could someone like that not be described as beautiful, amazing and talented? Please, if you can think of how, I'd like to know. Because I don't think it's possible.
All day Amber and I didn't know what to do. Or say. How do you respond to it? We want to help him so terribly, but how? How in the world do you go about helping someone who just lost someone close to them? All you can really do is be there next to them until they reach for you and tell you they need you. And Josh knows... or I hope he knows... that I'm here for him. I sent him an e-mail telling him. I just want to return his favor. He has done so much for me. He really has. If I could be even half as good a friend as he is, it would be alright.
Dance was long. And tiring.
Theatre was long. And tiring.
Cantantes was just long.
Josh was in the band room before we started Cantantes, and I asked him if he was okay. He got upset. I felt really bad. No-fucking-shit he's not okay! Why did I ask that? I don't know. I know how it is. I know not to ask that sort of thing. Like when Melissa left... and Melissa was arrested... And Melissa's dad died... and I saw Melissa... everyone kept asking me, "Are you okay?" And each time I responded with, "I'm alright" when all I really wanted to do was scream, "No I'm not fucking okay! What do you think!?" I of all people should know to just shut up and not say anything and just be there, rather than blabber on like an insensitive idiot.
Amber told me that he e-mailed her on Monday. He kept asking her why it had to happen to Emily, who had a sports scholarship, and not to someone like him who can play cello with or without the use of his legs. Then he gave Amber a note today. She showed it to me. We both cried. I just don't know how to help him.
Why do horrible things like this have to happen to people who are so wonderful?