I read this, this afternoon, the LJ you linked. And my heart just kept sinking as I read it. I have this massive embarrassment squick, I get embarrassed for other people easily, so much so that I physically flinch and this was just excruciating for me to read it.
And this probably makes me a bad person, but I do really feel sorry for her, sorry for the reaction she's going to get, because I know what reaction she is going to get, and I know she's asking for it, but I just hate to see someone in that situation. So I'm embarrassed for her, and I want to give her a hug, and then shake her and go 'whyyyyyyy!' she's so well meaning (I truly believe), I just can't hate her, or even dislike her, I just wish she could be a bit wiser.
I'm quite a bit past feeling sorry for her. When I first was hearing about RaceFail (second hand as I was fully offline when it started) I assumed the people involved were well-intentioned and had some sympathy for them, and since then have assumed the same while not really paying attention. But really, that post made it crystal clear to me that if there are well meaning intentions in play here, there is also defensiveness, equivocation, martyrdom, failing to learn and failing to take responsibility.
Seriously, stop and imagine the post you would write if you did sincerely believe it would be for the best both sides to step back and calm down, or if you wanted to turn the discussion towards a productive and healing outcome. It would nothing like that post.
It doesn't make you a bad person to feel for a fellow human being, but at some point you have to feel less empathy for the person making a fool of herself and feel more empathy for the people she's belittling and marginalising with her foolishness.
I reread that post again, and it's worst then I remembered it this afternoon.
Did she add stuff in? Because I'm sure I didn't remember some of the more offensive stuff the first time I read it.
I think she is right in one thing though, she should never had responded to the criticism the first time around, it would saved everyone a lot of angst.
But I think she will look back and say 'I wish I'd never made this post' too.
If she has friends who truly care for her, she will post and say "I wish I'd never made that post", and soon. :(
I think the post gets worse the more you look at it. It seems kind of clueless and silly at first, but as you process what she's saying and peel back the layers it gets really freaking offensive.
Re: rereading itzillah975March 5 2009, 20:32:15 UTC
Did she add stuff in? Because I'm sure I didn't remember some of the more offensive stuff the first time I read it.
If you're like me, once that embarrassment squick kicks in you start kind of skimming, because you just want it to be over. I don't think she added anything, but I'm sure I didn't read it with a close eye the first time, because it was just..so...AWFUL.
Re: rereading itms_mareeMarch 5 2009, 23:13:53 UTC
If you're like me, once that embarrassment squick kicks in you start kind of skimmingThat is true. I did read it quickly because I was doing something else at the time and was cross reading. (is that the correct phrase
( ... )
We've all been there, I think, and regretted it and learned that lesson. No, wait: I think we've all been there and regretted it and learned that lesson except for Bear, who has apparently been there and regretted it and totally failed to learn the lesson, which does her no credit at all. Clearly this is a very difficult lesson for her to learn but we can have hope, I think, in that the lessons you learn the really fucking hard way are often the ones you learn best. *g*
And this probably makes me a bad person, but I do really feel sorry for her, sorry for the reaction she's going to get, because I know what reaction she is going to get, and I know she's asking for it, but I just hate to see someone in that situation. So I'm embarrassed for her, and I want to give her a hug, and then shake her and go 'whyyyyyyy!' she's so well meaning (I truly believe), I just can't hate her, or even dislike her, I just wish she could be a bit wiser.
That's certainly my feeling, although I also feel for my friends who had faith in her. I think there's a whole lot of crashing noises being heard right about now, as Bear falls from a whole lot of pedestals. That post was just awful beyond my ability to describe it.
Just yesterday I was agreeing with someone who wrote that Bear had acquitted herself and doesn't deserve to be put in Shetterly category... but now we find that it was all a lie, she was just pretending to be a decent person, and she wants us all to know that she tricked us and now we should sit down and shut the fuck up for two months on her decree.
And this probably makes me a bad person, but I do really feel sorry for her, sorry for the reaction she's going to get, because I know what reaction she is going to get, and I know she's asking for it, but I just hate to see someone in that situation. So I'm embarrassed for her, and I want to give her a hug, and then shake her and go 'whyyyyyyy!' she's so well meaning (I truly believe), I just can't hate her, or even dislike her, I just wish she could be a bit wiser.
Yeah?
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Seriously, stop and imagine the post you would write if you did sincerely believe it would be for the best both sides to step back and calm down, or if you wanted to turn the discussion towards a productive and healing outcome. It would nothing like that post.
It doesn't make you a bad person to feel for a fellow human being, but at some point you have to feel less empathy for the person making a fool of herself and feel more empathy for the people she's belittling and marginalising with her foolishness.
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I know, I know.
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Did she add stuff in? Because I'm sure I didn't remember some of the more offensive stuff the first time I read it.
I think she is right in one thing though, she should never had responded to the criticism the first time around, it would saved everyone a lot of angst.
But I think she will look back and say 'I wish I'd never made this post' too.
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I think the post gets worse the more you look at it. It seems kind of clueless and silly at first, but as you process what she's saying and peel back the layers it gets really freaking offensive.
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If you're like me, once that embarrassment squick kicks in you start kind of skimming, because you just want it to be over. I don't think she added anything, but I'm sure I didn't read it with a close eye the first time, because it was just..so...AWFUL.
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Fuck EB. She's a goddamn lying racist.
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