(no subject)
With this sudden bad news I recieved about my grandfather a couple days ago I've been doing a lot of thinking. Yeah I know, me thinking and analyzing situations, what a freaking thought. It's so odd to me how someone can be so good and doing so well and them bam all of a sudden they're in the hospital with an illness that could take their life in that second within itself. It just shows how everyone needs to just live every day through. I sound like a preacher, what is wrong with me?
I hate how half the time I'll say something and then question myself on why I actually said that. It's like I basically don't think before i speak, which is a terrible habit to be in, I know. I don't understand how I can let myself do the things I do. I also wish that everyone, including myself, would just say what they feel all the time. If we all would actually think through what we're actually wanting to say, no matter how it will affect a situation. In a way we hold back, we hold back on the criticism or even the positive compliments because we don't know or don't want to see how someone would react to it. It's as if in our old age we'll all be lying in a bed of misconceptions and lies and we won't even mind it. We'll be so used to it it wont phase us what so ever and we'll carry on within each day as if nothing happened. We cake on all the things we think will be good to say yet we leave what we actually feel deep down inside ourselves and never let it out. How shitty is that?
If your mind is controlling everything you do why can't you just realize what you want to say or want to change and do it? It takes so much time, practice and patience to change it and the sad part is most of us get too frustrated to follow through with it and give up. We'll just let ourselves fall back into our bad habits. It's as if our drive to change so much and be so good just dies off. Then again, we are human and only can do what we can do.
I miss my Grandpa, I haven't seen him in a week because he has been so sick and I usually see him a couple times a week. I think i'll be going over there soon, I love my family so much.
I hate how half the time I'll say something and then question myself on why I actually said that. It's like I basically don't think before i speak, which is a terrible habit to be in, I know. I don't understand how I can let myself do the things I do. I also wish that everyone, including myself, would just say what they feel all the time. If we all would actually think through what we're actually wanting to say, no matter how it will affect a situation. In a way we hold back, we hold back on the criticism or even the positive compliments because we don't know or don't want to see how someone would react to it. It's as if in our old age we'll all be lying in a bed of misconceptions and lies and we won't even mind it. We'll be so used to it it wont phase us what so ever and we'll carry on within each day as if nothing happened. We cake on all the things we think will be good to say yet we leave what we actually feel deep down inside ourselves and never let it out. How shitty is that?
If your mind is controlling everything you do why can't you just realize what you want to say or want to change and do it? It takes so much time, practice and patience to change it and the sad part is most of us get too frustrated to follow through with it and give up. We'll just let ourselves fall back into our bad habits. It's as if our drive to change so much and be so good just dies off. Then again, we are human and only can do what we can do.
I miss my Grandpa, I haven't seen him in a week because he has been so sick and I usually see him a couple times a week. I think i'll be going over there soon, I love my family so much.