Glee fic: 5 Times Blaine Misunderstands (and Totally Isn't Jealous)
Title: 5 Times Blaine Misunderstands (and Totally Isn’t Jealous) and 1 Time Kurt Can’t Take His Stupidity Anymore
Author: jujuberry136
Rating: PG-13/FRT
Warnings: Teenage lusty thoughts?
Spoilers: written with spoilers from 2.14 “Blame it On the Alcohol” and onward in mind
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine, in additional to various Kurt/female relationships that only exist in Blaine’s mind
Word Count: 5,627
Summary: Wherein the Dalton boys mess with Blaine’s head and Blaine is really kind of an idiot.
Timeline notes: One takes place during 2.11, two during 2.12, three after 2.12, four after for 2.14, and five (and six) are speculation for future episodes (specifically in regards to song options at regionals).
Author’s notes: Thanks to ambrosia4all for looking this over for me! But I got impatient and posted before she had a chance to look it over one last time for errors, so all remaining grammar and spelling issues are my own. Also not mine? Glee. This story born out of wanting something that harkened back to the dorky Blaine we met in 2.12 and wanting to handwave “Blame it On the Alcohol” (so I kind of did. If Glee can, then so can I)
~*~*~*~*~*~
(One)
Blaine doesn’t really talk to Tim that much; Tim’s a senior, weirdly obsessed with the clarinet, and in general their paths don’t cross much. Which is why he’s pretty confused when Tim grabs him after his math class.
“Is Kurt playing a sport?” Tim asks, dragging Blaine closer to the picture window overlooking the track and checking his watch frantically.
“Wait, what?” Blaine knows Kurt loves standing out in a crowd, but he hadn’t realized that seniors outside the Warblers were even aware of Kurt.
“Kurt Hummel? Pale kid, little taller than you?”
“I know who he is,” Blaine replies, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes. “Why do you want to know if he plays a sport?”
“‘Cause he and a really hot Latina chick are killing the track right now and I need to figure out if I’m going to have to bribe anyone to get the kid on my team this spring.” Tim spares a glance at Blaine before looking back out the window. “They’re still doing six minute miles and it’s been over an hour.”
“Wait, Kurt’s running? But he hates sweating, he said it ruins his complexion and presents a serious lack in fashion opportunity.”
Blaine wonders if he entered an alternate universe when he wasn’t paying attention. Kurt, the same kid who pastes on a polite expression every time Blaine tries to explain the draft process, is somehow outside and from the way he’s panting, been running hard for some time. Kurt looks adorable actually, Blaine thinks, his face reddened from the cold and his ears pink.
Blaine’s trying to figure out a way to snap a picture of Kurt wearing a headband without finding a horse head on his pillow the next morning when the girl Kurt’s been chatting with during their cool down starts to stretch. And when Kurt joins her, Blaine’s brain just stops.
He has to try really hard to remember his twelve step plan to get GAP discounts for life because Kurt’s legs are absolutely fantastic. It should be illegal to wear shorts that small, Blaine thinks as he watches the muscle definition in Kurt’s thighs dance as Kurt moves through his stretches.
And then he bends over and Blaine knows he should be closing his eyes and thinking about Jeremiah, but he just can’t. Kurt is palming the ground easily, occasionally walking his hands out in front of him. And his ass. Blaine can honestly say it’s amazing ... as any friend would.
“And he’s pretty flexible, so we could even use him during hurdles!” Tim is saying when Blaine finally remembers the reason for standing by the picture window.
“Blaine?”
He realizes he hasn’t answered a single question and struggles for words. “No!”
Tim frowns. “No ‘Kurt can’t jump hurdles’ or no ‘Kurt’s on a sports team already and can’t join track in the spring?’”
The image of Kurt wearing those shorts every week, walking around the dorm like the other boys do after practice - sweating slightly, loose-limbed, and dear god, shirtless - is almost too much. But Blaine’s had years of practice in making polite conversation and his mouth is moving before he’s even aware of it. “No, Kurt’s not on any teams. You should talk to him, but it’s probably going to be a hard sell.”
“Well it looks like his girlfriend likes track too, so maybe I can use that,” Tim muses.
“Kurt doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Blaine protests loudly. Kurt said he was gay, it was their second conversation. Blaine could remember Kurt telling him he was gay very clearly.
Tim shrugs. “Doesn’t really look like it, sorry dude.”
Kurt and the Latina - Santana, most likely if he’s paid enough attention to Kurt’s stories about the New Directions group - are currently fooling around on the grass. Kurt’s running away from the girl, pretending to be afraid of her.
Blaine’s stomach sinks. He’s seen this behavior every time Jenny and Nicole come to visit Wes and David.
Oh God, what if Kurt is going through a sexuality crisis and only thinks he’s gay. Blaine looks down at the couple, Kurt’s currently lying in a snow bank trying to fend off the girl and the snowball she’s holding, and realizes he can do this. He can help Kurt through this trying time. Maybe Kurt’s bisexual and has been afraid to tell Blaine.
Well, maybe if he gets Kurt involved in helping Blaine get the retail associate of his dreams, Blaine can return the favor. Clearly Kurt is in denial.
(Two)
Blaine was desperately hoping his roommate would pick up on his “I completely humiliated myself in front of all my friends, several complete strangers, GAP sales associates, can never return to the mall again, and worst of all, he doesn’t even like me that way” vibes, but Wes was proving to be pretty horrible at reading him.
Not like Kurt. Kurt was an awesome friend who gave him a comforting hug and bought him a coffee after his Jeremiah-induced humiliation.
Blaine isn’t thinking about Kurt’s confession. He still feels kind of bad that he thought Kurt was interested in girls and made Kurt help him serenade Jeremiah to make him ‘fess up about his feelings for Santana.
He is really, really bad at this romance thing. He ignores Wes’ disapproving face and wonders if Amazon sells “Romance... for Dummies”. And then he wonders if they cover situations like his - how to avoid potentially awkward situations induced by making the guy crushing on you help you serenade another guy, who you then got fired and called you jailbait, after which the first guy then confessed his crush on you and all you can do is sputter and realize your behavior might have given the wrong impression. Somehow he doesn’t think this is a common situation.
And if it is? Maybe he should go back to his plan from middle school and start dating when he’s 25.
Wes can’t contain his disappointment any longer. “Another public appearance, Blaine? Didn’t the last one tell you anything about the Warblers’ luck with public appearances?”
“It’s Breadstix, Wes,” he replies. “We’re singing at Breadstix. There won’t be any airplanes or junior managers in sight. We’ll be fine.”
“You say that now,” Wes grumbles. “Why in the world did I listen to Kurt? Something terrible is going to happen.”
“I think he just wants to do something nice. I mean, I was really down yesterday and apparently Rachel and Mercedes also didn’t have a great Valentine’s Day either so... singing at Breadstix!”
“Who are Rachel and Mercedes? And why does Kurt want to sing love songs to them?”
Blaine sputters. “He doesn’t want to sing love songs to them. Just make them feel better. Kurt was telling me that they both seemed really down during their last sleepover.”
“Kurt has sleepovers with girls?”
“Apparently it’s pretty common.”
“The only time I’ve done that is when Jenny’s parents are out of town. Kurt’s dad didn’t care?” Wes asks.
Blaine frowns, Kurt’s situation is nothing like Wes’. Except, “They were at Rachel’s house... and her parents were out.”
“Never would have thought Kurt could have pulled two girls at once,” Wes admits, looking mildly impressed.
“They’re his friends,” Blaine replies, exasperated. “And Kurt’s gay, so stop implying stuff happened.”
“I’m just saying, looks like Kurt’s got more game than you,” Wes teases. “Of course, he probably didn’t sing either of them songs about sex toys so that’s gotta help.”
Blaine groans and pulls his pillow over his head. For once in his life, Wes takes a hint and leaves with a reminder to be ready in an hour.
Kurt is just friends with Rachel and Mercedes, Blaine repeats... just like he and Kurt are friends.
Oh god.
(Three)
Blaine’s trying to decipher Mr. Rawlin’s handwriting on his latest essay when Teddy sits down at the table he, Wes, and David had claimed earlier. Technically, Dalton doesn’t assign desks or tables in the library, but everyone knows this table is Wes and David’s (and by extension, Blaine’s). Teddy is a nice guy, but for all that Dalton boasts about small class size and long-term friendships forming, he mostly knows the guy as Kurt’s roommate and the go-to guy for science fiction movies.
Wes raises an eyebrow imperiously (though not as well as Kurt, Blaine’s brain thinks traitorously) at Teddy’s presumption. “Yes?”
Teddy shrugs as he empties his backpack onto the table. “Got kicked out of my room and this is the only seat free. You mind?”
The face Wes pulls is a thing to behold. As a part of the zero-tolerance code, Dalton students aren’t allowed to kick others from tables or communal work groups if a group project isn’t underway. And while Blaine and David have stretched the truth a number of times, Wes has never been able to bend enough from his rigid adherence to the letter of the law to attempt the lie (Blaine’s never even seen the kid jaywalk). He smiles thinly and that’s enough for Teddy, who pulls out a battered math book and starts working on derivatives.
Blaine has managed to figure out that Mr. Rawlin wants him to reorganize the structure of his paper when Teddy speaks up again. “Hey Blaine, what’s a cuddle slut?”
“I have no idea,” Blaine replied honestly, his attention still focused on where Mr. Rawlin thinks his second paragraph should be located.
“‘Kay,” Teddy replies after a moment before turning back to his pre-calc homework.
“Why’d you ask me that, Teddy?” Blaine wonders a half-hour later, English paper successfully interpreted.
“Oh, one of the girls spooning with Kurt called him that and I didn’t know if it was a girl-thing or a gay-thing so I thought I’d ask you,” Teddy replies distractedly as he tears up another page of graph paper.
Blaine blinks. Then blinks again. There is nothing about that sentence that makes sense.
“Wait, one of the girls?” David asks loudly and it’s enough to tear Wes away from his physics homework.
“Spooning?” Wes asks.
“...with Kurt?” Blaine finishes.
Teddy looks at them like they’re the ones who make no sense. “Yeah, he’s got like five girls in his bed right now. Why did you think I was kicked out?”
Blaine is on his feet and in the hallway before he really thinks about it. Sure he’s not dating Kurt, but they’re still friends. He’s not going to allow the kid to ruin his life with a wild orgy resulting in his expulsion from Dalton.
It has nothing to do with the burning desire to claw the eyes out of any girl allowed to cuddle with Kurt. on his bed. Blaine is simply being a good friend. He repeats this to himself several times as he calmly bolts down the hallway to Kurt’s dorm. He’s just about to fling the door open when he catches the conversation and suddenly can’t move his arm.
“C’mon, Brittany,” a high pitch voice needles. “You’re the one who always brags about her perfect record... so who’s the biggest at McKinley?”
“I’m dating Artie now,” a husky voice replies slowly.
“We won’t tell, promise!”
“And it won’t be like last year with Quinn and Puck,” another girl says almost pointedly.
Blaine has his hand on the doorknob when the husky voice says, “Kurt.”
Outraged muffled giggles ensue and Blaine knows this is so very, very wrong (Wes is helpfully hissing the mantra in his ear), but he can’t stop now.
“What?” “How do you know that?” “I didn’t think you guys got that far!”
“He wears really tight jeans,” ‘Brittany’ replies simply, as if that explains anything.
“Plus we pantsed him at Nationals and that pretty much confirmed everything,” another girl chimes in archly.
“Why am I only hearing about this now?”
“What happens at Nationals, stays at Nationals.”
The room is silent save for the occasional giggle until a voice asks, “What kind of margin are we talking about here?”
“Rachel!” another girl hisses. “I can’t believe you asked that!”
“I just want to know! There’s nothing wrong with natural curiosity! Besides, you totally want to know too, don’t lie.”
David ignores Wes and tries to get closer to the door, whether to take Blaine’s hand off the knob or to get a better earful Blaine will never know, because the next thing he knows the door’s open and Wes and David are stabbing him in the back with their knees as they pick themselves off the floor.
The interlopers in Kurt’s room are all glaring at him reproachfully, as if they weren’t talking about dirty, dirty things when the Warblers made their grand entrance.
Blaine knows Mercedes and Rachel, obviously, but he can’t figure out who the other three girls are exactly. He thinks Tina is the Asian one from Kurt’s stories (otherwise the “Asian vampire father” story Kurt likes to reference when he’s making fun of his former principal makes no sense), but the other two aren’t as easy to place, snuggled deep into Kurt’s sheets as they are.
It takes Blaine a moment, but he finally finds Kurt among the sea of estrogen currently invading Dalton. His face is barely visible in Mercedes’ lap and he’s bracketed by the two unknown girls. One kind of looks like Santana, but it’s hard to tell from a ponytail alone. It looks like Kurt’s in the center of a puppy pile, surrounded as he is on all sides. Blaine can’t help but be impressed - he hadn’t realized the Dalton beds could hold that many people.
But the girls’ don’t seem to be very impressed. In fact, Mercedes looks downright murderous.
“If you wake him up,” she hisses slowly, “I will kill you slowly and let Rachel explain sex to you while doing so.”
“Girls aren’t allowed in dorm rooms,” Wes recites, braver than Blaine in the face of such a creative threat. “What are you doing here?”
“We’re here to comfort Kurt in his time of sickness,” Rachel replies primly, picking a piece of lint off her sweater.
Is that actually a kitten hanging on to a rope on the front? Blaine wonders. Kurt really hadn’t been exaggerating about her fashion sense.
“Kurt isn’t sick,” Blaine protests. “He’s just been really busy!”
Mercedes gives him a dark look. “Boo’s got bronchitis, you really haven’t noticed?”
“That does make sense,” David replies while Blaine is trying to figure out how he missed something so important. “He hasn’t really been talking much during Warbler meetings recently.”
“And that wasn’t a sign something was wrong?” Tina asks sarcastically.
“I thought he was just getting the hang of group dynamics,” Blaine offers weakly, aware it’s a pretty pathetic excuse.
Rachel looks at her cell phone regretfully. “As much as I would like to lecture you on your shameful lack of interpersonal skills, a key leadership quality I possess and use to guide the New Directions to vocal victory, we really need to get back to Lima.”
The girls slowly peel themselves out of Kurt’s bed, somehow without disturbing its sleeping owner. The blonde girl who’d been the little spoon to Kurt’s big spoon adjusts her miniskirt and walks up to Blaine.
“I’m Brittany,” she says looking Blaine up and down slowly. “Kurt and I went out on a date, and we made out, and then he gave me a facial. And one day he will be mine, you can count on that.”
She pauses. “And I can’t count.”
Blaine is incredibly confused.
Mercedes sighs. “Brit, aren’t you dating Artie now?”
The blonde smiles. “He’s my boyfriend and he can’t walk!”
“So why are planning on making Kurt yours?” Mercedes asks.
Santana waves the question off. “Don’t question her on this, so not worth your time. There’s apparently some plan involving ducks and dolphins and you losers promised me Breadstix if I came along, so let’s go.”
“Why did we invite you again?” Mercedes asks as they leave in a flurry of skirts and giggles, causing doors to open and mouths to drop as the group walks, or - in Brittany’s case - dances, down the hallway.
“‘Cause I’m awesome,” echoes down the hallway before they finally get out of hearing range.
Wes, David, and Blaine are left in Kurt’s room wondering what exactly just happened.
David looks at the sleeping boy in the bed and back at Blaine. “Does this kind of thing happen to gay guys all the time? ‘Cause I’m thinking if Nicole and I ever break up, this pretending to be gay thing is an awesome way to get girls to sleep with me.”
Blaine’s eye twitches. “He’s not pretending, he’s gay!”
“But this kind of thing doesn’t happen to you!” David protests quietly. “Unless you’ve been holding out on us?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, we go to an all boys boarding school,” Blaine replies.
Kurt makes a snuffling noise and Wes ushers David and Blaine out of the room before they wake him. Blaine is about to thank Wes when he says, “Doesn’t seem to have stopped Kurt.”
“Yeah” David teases, “He gave Brittany a facial.”
“I hate both of you,” Blaine hisses, stalking back to the library.
(Four)
It’s Thursday night and Kurt hasn’t stopped by Blaine’s room for their weekly Broadway gossip/Grey’s Anatomy recap session. It’s not that Blaine’s worried, it just isn’t like Kurt to miss out on a tradition. The kid loves tradition more than Wes loves rules, and that’s really saying something considering that Blaine sometimes thinks Wes sleeps with a copy of the Warbler Code of Conduct in case of late-night comportment emergencies.
So when Kurt doesn’t respond to Blaine’s fifth text, there’s really no other option, he’s just going to have to find the kid. Hopefully he isn’t snuggling with a girl... no, that’s unkind, Blaine reminds himself.
Kurt has female friends, friends he’s had longer than he’s known Blaine. And just because every Dalton student Blaine knows seems convinced that Kurt’s running a brilliant con and is secretly hooking up with hot girls left, right, and center doesn’t mean anything untoward is happening.
Kurt hasn’t really been himself since the party at Rachel’s. They’ve apologized to each other several times over - there were angry words, tears, laughs, and even a few embarrassing power point presentations (Blaine really should have warned Kurt about Wes’ horrible apology advice) - and Kurt claims everything is just fine. But he says it while using the same tight smile he uses to compliment the Warblers’ song choices so Blaine isn’t really sure how sincere he’s being.
Blaine isn’t sure why Kurt’s still mad, if anything Blaine’s the one who has that right. It’s not like Kurt had to use half a bottle of mouthwash to get the taste of Rachel Berry out of his mouth in the bathroom of the Lima Bean. And it’s not like Kurt’s best friend suddenly decided to stop being a supportive and open-minded friend in the face of a sexual identity crisis.
Blaine was cool when Kurt first invited him to Rachel’s party. He was supportive! He didn’t make a big deal out of going to a party with Kurt, Kurt’s ex-girlfriend, and the other women Kurt has apparently had regular sleepovers with.
Blaine’s never drinking again. The three wine coolers he’d drunk had made playing “Spin the Bottle” seem like a great idea. He was going to show Kurt exactly how great he was at kissing and then Kurt would never realize the most Blaine’s ever done is sing a song about sex toys to a junior manager at the GAP.
Darn it, he’d almost gone a day without thinking about that particular fiasco. David still thought it was hilarious how pink his ears got whenever he heard anything by Robin Thicke and had been sending freshman humming his entire discography at him for the last two weeks.
In Blaine’s head, the plan made a lot of sense. Though he’d kind of hoped for more fireworks and fewer feelings of “wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong”. But on the upside, he could totally understand what Kurt meant about his first official kiss not really counting. That was at least one good thing to come out of the party.
But Kurt had been strangely distant since the coffee shop, that fake smile plastered on his face even after Blaine mentioned that it was probably a good thing the bottle landed on Rachel because she’d been pretty cool about the whole lack of fireworks while sucking face sober thing considering.
And really, if you think about it, it’s not like Kurt has any grounds to stand on about the dating a girl thing. It’s not like Blaine was sleeping with Rachel; the kiss had made him feel really good and since he and Kurt were friends, Kurt should have supported him in that.
Kissing Rachel had nothing to do with Blaine’s realization that Kurt’s got about an inch and a half on him. That if they stood side by side, Blaine could just rest his head perfectly on Kurt’s collarbone. And then their heads would lean close together and Blaine would ruin the moment with his inability to kiss Kurt right. Properly.
But really it was probably the wine coolers. Nothing to do at all with how nice Kurt looks in his Dalton jacket. He and Kurt were friends again.
He’d always been one to compliment his friends, right?
Blaine really regrets not buying that copy of “Romance... for Dummies” when he had the chance.
Kurt isn’t in his room and after a bit of asking around, Blaine finally finds a lead. Eric mentions he’d seen Kurt, Will, and Teddy heading towards the common room a couple hours ago with a stack of DVDs and bottles of soda. They’d invited him, but he had that killer Spanish test tomorrow and had to skip.
When Blaine reached the common room he was a bit confused at the mess in front of him; Kurt had certainly complained enough times about the mess he found in the room he used to share with Finn every time he came home. Instead, Kurt was lounging - lounging! - on one sofa and seemed utterly absorbed by whatever was playing on screen.
Kurt was blowing him off for a show about cars? This didn’t make any sense. The same guy who had subjected Blaine to a five-hour lecture on why despite their cheap prices and up to date offerings, Forever Twenty One was not a Kurt Hummel approved fashion option. There had been some more about intellectual property right infringement, but Blaine had gotten caught up in watching Kurt’s hands as they waved across the air as if Kurt was conducting an orchestra. It was entertaining, that’s all, nothing to do with wondering what else Kurt’s hands could do.
Kurt is watching the screen with an intensity usually reserved for examining the latest issue of Vogue. He doesn’t seem to notice his phone is flashing and buzzing on the floor in front of him. Blaine can’t explain it, Kurt is obsessed with his phone; Blaine has seen Kurt bring his phone with him to the showers in the morning to catch up on late-night texts.
Looking at the screen, Blaine can’t see the appeal. It’s a bunch of middle-aged British guys sitting in a circle talking about cars. It’s not like the hosts are anything special. So why is Kurt ignoring him?
Kurt jumps when he realizes Blaine’s in the room. “Oh god, I am so sorry Blaine! I got so caught up in Top Gear, I completely forgot about the time. Do you still want to watch Grey’s Anatomy?”
Kurt looks exactly like David did the time he got caught up in an Ultimate Ninjas marathon when he was supposed to be meeting Blaine for emergency Warblers rehearsal last spring. Guilty, sure, but far more interested in continuing what he’s doing than going with Blaine.
So when Kurt looks up at his and bats his eyes and gives him a half-smile, Blaine says the same thing he told the last straight guy who blew him off for television. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Tomorrow?”
Kurt’s phone takes the opportunity to buzz. “15 messages? How long have I been here?” He checks his messages quickly and looks up slowly. “Do you have any plans tomorrow evening?”
Blaine shakes his head slowly.
“Find some,” Kurt commands, his fingers flying across the screen of his phone. He says something else, but Blaine’s too distracted to notice.
Kurt’s looking at him expectantly. “So?”
“I guess we can find something to do,” Blaine replies. “Adjustment Bureau? Matt Damon and Emily Blunt... I know you loved her in the Young Victoria.”
Kurt grimaces. “I can’t, I’m so sorry. Mercedes, Santana, and I have some plotting to do.”
Of course Kurt has plans with Santana. Is plotting some new slang that hasn’t made its way to Dalton yet?
He wants to make Kurt explain why he keeps ditching him for girls when he got mad at Blaine for wanting to date one for a week. But Will and Teddy are watching them both avidly, cells out and waiting to update the entire school should anything interesting happen.
So Blaine grins broadly instead. “I can find something to do.”
“Off campus,” Kurt insists.
“Sure,” Blaine agrees easily. “One question though, why?”
“Has to do with the plotting. I need you away from her… here. I need you away from here.”
Blaine’s confused about the slip, but lets it go. He’s going to be supportive of Kurt and Santana.
He swears he hears Kurt muttering about not taking any chances with a “reverse Jesse”, but that makes even less sense than Kurt’s bizarre command.
Maybe he should visit Borders tomorrow evening. Amazon’s shipping takes too long and Blaine’s beginning to get worried.
(Five)
Blaine had planned on forcing Kurt, on threat to his favorite scarf if necessary, to go to the Lima Bean with him after rehearsal, but seeing Kurt chatting with a tiny Asian girl derailed those plans immediately.
How did Kurt keeping finding girls? They went to an all-boys school for Pete’s sake!
“So you’re enjoying Carmel?” Blaine hears when he approaches the couple. “Glad to hear We really are sorry about Rachel, I still don’t know what that girl is thinking half the time.”
She giggles. “It’s good to see you again Kurt.”
“I’m guessing we’ll see your whole team soon?”
The girl freezes. “I... have no idea what you’re talking about?”
Kurt laughs and finally notices Blaine standing in the doorway. “Blaine, do you know Sunshine Corazon? She’s a singer at Carmel in Vocal Adrenaline.”
Blaine manages a smile and makes small talk with the girl until she starts to leave a few minutes later. Kurt smiles at her and pulls her tight, clearly whispering sweet nothings in her ear by the way she’s frozen.
“We clear?” he says when they finally separate.
“No poaching.” She nods, clearly nervous. “Got it. I’ll tell the others, I promise.”
Before he gets a chance to ask Kurt why she was here in the first place, Wes calls rehearsal to order and they start to warm up.
The next hour and a half are spent working on harmonies and older pieces, though Nick shoots down Blaine’s suggestion to include ‘Bills, Bills, Bills’ in their set list for Regionals and they’re almost ready, Blaine can taste it.
Wes clears his throat and starts to hand out sheet music to a new duet. “Auditions are next week,” he announces, trying to bring the room back to order before realizing the futility of it all. “See you then.”
Blaine’s halfway to his room when Kurt catches up with him. “Hey Kurt, what’s up?”
Kurt looks at his shoes shyly, something he hasn’t done since the first week he’d transferred. “Are you planning on auditioning for the duet?”
“I guess I hadn’t really thought about it,” Blaine replies honestly. “Why?”
“Do you want to practice it with me?” Kurt rushes out, so quickly it takes Blaine a moment to translate.
“Sounds like fun,” He shrugs. “Say... what was up with you and that Sunshine girl?”
(Six)
“Sunshine?”
Blaine shrugs, he can’t seem to help it around Kurt. “You guys seemed pretty friendly, that’s all.”
“Sort of, I guess,” Kurt replies. “She went to McKinley for a couple days before she tried to join glee club and Rachel sent her to a crack house.”
“Seriously?” Blaine’s mouth drops. “Who does that in real life?”
“The girl you sucked face with apparently.”
“Why do you always call her that?” Blaine asks. “It’s not a big deal, neither of us really enjoyed it anyway.”
Kurt looks away and Blaine thinks they’re going to continue in this weird limbo they’ve been trapped in for the past few weeks when Kurt straightens up and looks at him. “I was jealous Blaine,” he says slowly. “You practically attacked her face and then after you told me that even though you didn’t really like it you were still glad that stupid bottle landed on her! What, am I really so hideous to you that you’d rather kiss a girl or a straight guy than me?”
“But you like girls!” It bursts out before Blaine has a chance to think.
“Where on Earth did you get such a preposterous idea?” Kurt asks acidly.
“You and Santana were flirting after your run and you have sleepovers with girls and then you had 5 girls in your bed and you’ve dated Brittany who still wants you even though she has a boyfriend and the girls all gossip about how hung you are and you blow off Grey’s Anatomy night for television shows with cars in them and even at Dalton you still get pretty girls to talk to you!” Blaine takes a deep breath before miserably adding, “And Wes and David keep talking about how they’re going to take notes from your gamebook because clearly pretending to be gay is getting you tons of girls.”
Kurt blinks and his face turns red. Blaine’s waiting for the eruption when the first giggle slips out, followed by a genuine belly laugh. He’s never seen Kurt so loose or carefree that he can’t even bring himself to mind that Kurt’s standing in the middle of the hallway laughing at him.
“Blaine, you really are horrible at romance, you know that?” he wheezes after trying to get himself together for a few minutes. “As for the gay question, have you seen my tiara collection?”
Kurt tries to compose himself, but is clearly still holding back giggles as he starts to explain. “Blaine, Santana showed up at Dalton and forced me to go on a 15 mile run with her because she can’t use Cheerios practice for anger management anymore. Then she shoved a snowball down my pants for being too slow.”
“I have sleepovers with Rachel and Mercedes, and sometimes Quinn and Tina, because most guys don’t like doing makeovers and watching romantic comedies so my options are kind of limited. Yes, I dated Brittany, but that was for three days when I was trying to convince my dad that I was straight because I was jealous of his relationship with Finn.”
“I’m sorry for missing Grey’s, but I got sucked into Top Gear. I was feeling homesick and Teddy suggested it might make me feel better and it did. My dad talks about cars all the time, it was nice to hear that again.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about with the 5 girls in my bed or them discussing size. I’m assuming you’re making that all up due to jealousy because the alternative is too terrifying to consider so don’t attempt to convince me otherwise.” Kurt smiles broadly, a true smile this time.
“In fact,” he continues, “it kind of seems like Wes and David might have been pulling your leg. I mean really, the first conversation I had with you three was me asking if you were all gay like me. So really, either you’re delusional or,” he pauses, then whispers, “Maybe you’re jealous?”
Jealous? Blaine hadn’t even considered the idea. Just because every time Blaine turned around there was another girl throwing herself at Kurt doesn’t mean Blaine’s jealous... oh god, he’s totally jealous of those girls. He’s been angry that they’ve been able to talk to him easily, without feeling like every word has to be perfect or somehow the whole house of cards they’ve built their relationship on will come tumbling down; jealous that they’re the ones who touch him, in bed and out, easily and without reservation when it takes all Blaine has in him to not test whether that spot by Kurt’s collarbone is really as tasty as it looks.
Blaine can feel his cheeks turning red and has no idea what to say or do.
“So you don’t want to be just friends?” Kurt asks quietly.
Blaine doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t think he can at this point his heart is beating so fiercely inside his chest.
Kurt takes his hand and grips it firmly. Blaine marvels once again at how soft the other boy’s hands are, how gorgeous his fingers are and desperately tries to stop thinking about what those hands would look like roaming across his body.
“What if we start with the duet, and see how things go from there?” Kurt finally suggests.
Blaine can do this. He looks straight at Kurt, who seems to melt before his eyes, and tugs Kurt towards the rehearsal room. They’ve got another flirty duet to practice and this time they’re both aware of it.
Blaine totally doesn’t need that book. He is awesome at relationships.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Feedback and con-crit is always (greatly!) appreciated.
Author: jujuberry136
Rating: PG-13/FRT
Warnings: Teenage lusty thoughts?
Spoilers: written with spoilers from 2.14 “Blame it On the Alcohol” and onward in mind
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine, in additional to various Kurt/female relationships that only exist in Blaine’s mind
Word Count: 5,627
Summary: Wherein the Dalton boys mess with Blaine’s head and Blaine is really kind of an idiot.
Timeline notes: One takes place during 2.11, two during 2.12, three after 2.12, four after for 2.14, and five (and six) are speculation for future episodes (specifically in regards to song options at regionals).
Author’s notes: Thanks to ambrosia4all for looking this over for me! But I got impatient and posted before she had a chance to look it over one last time for errors, so all remaining grammar and spelling issues are my own. Also not mine? Glee. This story born out of wanting something that harkened back to the dorky Blaine we met in 2.12 and wanting to handwave “Blame it On the Alcohol” (so I kind of did. If Glee can, then so can I)
~*~*~*~*~*~
(One)
Blaine doesn’t really talk to Tim that much; Tim’s a senior, weirdly obsessed with the clarinet, and in general their paths don’t cross much. Which is why he’s pretty confused when Tim grabs him after his math class.
“Is Kurt playing a sport?” Tim asks, dragging Blaine closer to the picture window overlooking the track and checking his watch frantically.
“Wait, what?” Blaine knows Kurt loves standing out in a crowd, but he hadn’t realized that seniors outside the Warblers were even aware of Kurt.
“Kurt Hummel? Pale kid, little taller than you?”
“I know who he is,” Blaine replies, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes. “Why do you want to know if he plays a sport?”
“‘Cause he and a really hot Latina chick are killing the track right now and I need to figure out if I’m going to have to bribe anyone to get the kid on my team this spring.” Tim spares a glance at Blaine before looking back out the window. “They’re still doing six minute miles and it’s been over an hour.”
“Wait, Kurt’s running? But he hates sweating, he said it ruins his complexion and presents a serious lack in fashion opportunity.”
Blaine wonders if he entered an alternate universe when he wasn’t paying attention. Kurt, the same kid who pastes on a polite expression every time Blaine tries to explain the draft process, is somehow outside and from the way he’s panting, been running hard for some time. Kurt looks adorable actually, Blaine thinks, his face reddened from the cold and his ears pink.
Blaine’s trying to figure out a way to snap a picture of Kurt wearing a headband without finding a horse head on his pillow the next morning when the girl Kurt’s been chatting with during their cool down starts to stretch. And when Kurt joins her, Blaine’s brain just stops.
He has to try really hard to remember his twelve step plan to get GAP discounts for life because Kurt’s legs are absolutely fantastic. It should be illegal to wear shorts that small, Blaine thinks as he watches the muscle definition in Kurt’s thighs dance as Kurt moves through his stretches.
And then he bends over and Blaine knows he should be closing his eyes and thinking about Jeremiah, but he just can’t. Kurt is palming the ground easily, occasionally walking his hands out in front of him. And his ass. Blaine can honestly say it’s amazing ... as any friend would.
“And he’s pretty flexible, so we could even use him during hurdles!” Tim is saying when Blaine finally remembers the reason for standing by the picture window.
“Blaine?”
He realizes he hasn’t answered a single question and struggles for words. “No!”
Tim frowns. “No ‘Kurt can’t jump hurdles’ or no ‘Kurt’s on a sports team already and can’t join track in the spring?’”
The image of Kurt wearing those shorts every week, walking around the dorm like the other boys do after practice - sweating slightly, loose-limbed, and dear god, shirtless - is almost too much. But Blaine’s had years of practice in making polite conversation and his mouth is moving before he’s even aware of it. “No, Kurt’s not on any teams. You should talk to him, but it’s probably going to be a hard sell.”
“Well it looks like his girlfriend likes track too, so maybe I can use that,” Tim muses.
“Kurt doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Blaine protests loudly. Kurt said he was gay, it was their second conversation. Blaine could remember Kurt telling him he was gay very clearly.
Tim shrugs. “Doesn’t really look like it, sorry dude.”
Kurt and the Latina - Santana, most likely if he’s paid enough attention to Kurt’s stories about the New Directions group - are currently fooling around on the grass. Kurt’s running away from the girl, pretending to be afraid of her.
Blaine’s stomach sinks. He’s seen this behavior every time Jenny and Nicole come to visit Wes and David.
Oh God, what if Kurt is going through a sexuality crisis and only thinks he’s gay. Blaine looks down at the couple, Kurt’s currently lying in a snow bank trying to fend off the girl and the snowball she’s holding, and realizes he can do this. He can help Kurt through this trying time. Maybe Kurt’s bisexual and has been afraid to tell Blaine.
Well, maybe if he gets Kurt involved in helping Blaine get the retail associate of his dreams, Blaine can return the favor. Clearly Kurt is in denial.
(Two)
Blaine was desperately hoping his roommate would pick up on his “I completely humiliated myself in front of all my friends, several complete strangers, GAP sales associates, can never return to the mall again, and worst of all, he doesn’t even like me that way” vibes, but Wes was proving to be pretty horrible at reading him.
Not like Kurt. Kurt was an awesome friend who gave him a comforting hug and bought him a coffee after his Jeremiah-induced humiliation.
Blaine isn’t thinking about Kurt’s confession. He still feels kind of bad that he thought Kurt was interested in girls and made Kurt help him serenade Jeremiah to make him ‘fess up about his feelings for Santana.
He is really, really bad at this romance thing. He ignores Wes’ disapproving face and wonders if Amazon sells “Romance... for Dummies”. And then he wonders if they cover situations like his - how to avoid potentially awkward situations induced by making the guy crushing on you help you serenade another guy, who you then got fired and called you jailbait, after which the first guy then confessed his crush on you and all you can do is sputter and realize your behavior might have given the wrong impression. Somehow he doesn’t think this is a common situation.
And if it is? Maybe he should go back to his plan from middle school and start dating when he’s 25.
Wes can’t contain his disappointment any longer. “Another public appearance, Blaine? Didn’t the last one tell you anything about the Warblers’ luck with public appearances?”
“It’s Breadstix, Wes,” he replies. “We’re singing at Breadstix. There won’t be any airplanes or junior managers in sight. We’ll be fine.”
“You say that now,” Wes grumbles. “Why in the world did I listen to Kurt? Something terrible is going to happen.”
“I think he just wants to do something nice. I mean, I was really down yesterday and apparently Rachel and Mercedes also didn’t have a great Valentine’s Day either so... singing at Breadstix!”
“Who are Rachel and Mercedes? And why does Kurt want to sing love songs to them?”
Blaine sputters. “He doesn’t want to sing love songs to them. Just make them feel better. Kurt was telling me that they both seemed really down during their last sleepover.”
“Kurt has sleepovers with girls?”
“Apparently it’s pretty common.”
“The only time I’ve done that is when Jenny’s parents are out of town. Kurt’s dad didn’t care?” Wes asks.
Blaine frowns, Kurt’s situation is nothing like Wes’. Except, “They were at Rachel’s house... and her parents were out.”
“Never would have thought Kurt could have pulled two girls at once,” Wes admits, looking mildly impressed.
“They’re his friends,” Blaine replies, exasperated. “And Kurt’s gay, so stop implying stuff happened.”
“I’m just saying, looks like Kurt’s got more game than you,” Wes teases. “Of course, he probably didn’t sing either of them songs about sex toys so that’s gotta help.”
Blaine groans and pulls his pillow over his head. For once in his life, Wes takes a hint and leaves with a reminder to be ready in an hour.
Kurt is just friends with Rachel and Mercedes, Blaine repeats... just like he and Kurt are friends.
Oh god.
(Three)
Blaine’s trying to decipher Mr. Rawlin’s handwriting on his latest essay when Teddy sits down at the table he, Wes, and David had claimed earlier. Technically, Dalton doesn’t assign desks or tables in the library, but everyone knows this table is Wes and David’s (and by extension, Blaine’s). Teddy is a nice guy, but for all that Dalton boasts about small class size and long-term friendships forming, he mostly knows the guy as Kurt’s roommate and the go-to guy for science fiction movies.
Wes raises an eyebrow imperiously (though not as well as Kurt, Blaine’s brain thinks traitorously) at Teddy’s presumption. “Yes?”
Teddy shrugs as he empties his backpack onto the table. “Got kicked out of my room and this is the only seat free. You mind?”
The face Wes pulls is a thing to behold. As a part of the zero-tolerance code, Dalton students aren’t allowed to kick others from tables or communal work groups if a group project isn’t underway. And while Blaine and David have stretched the truth a number of times, Wes has never been able to bend enough from his rigid adherence to the letter of the law to attempt the lie (Blaine’s never even seen the kid jaywalk). He smiles thinly and that’s enough for Teddy, who pulls out a battered math book and starts working on derivatives.
Blaine has managed to figure out that Mr. Rawlin wants him to reorganize the structure of his paper when Teddy speaks up again. “Hey Blaine, what’s a cuddle slut?”
“I have no idea,” Blaine replied honestly, his attention still focused on where Mr. Rawlin thinks his second paragraph should be located.
“‘Kay,” Teddy replies after a moment before turning back to his pre-calc homework.
“Why’d you ask me that, Teddy?” Blaine wonders a half-hour later, English paper successfully interpreted.
“Oh, one of the girls spooning with Kurt called him that and I didn’t know if it was a girl-thing or a gay-thing so I thought I’d ask you,” Teddy replies distractedly as he tears up another page of graph paper.
Blaine blinks. Then blinks again. There is nothing about that sentence that makes sense.
“Wait, one of the girls?” David asks loudly and it’s enough to tear Wes away from his physics homework.
“Spooning?” Wes asks.
“...with Kurt?” Blaine finishes.
Teddy looks at them like they’re the ones who make no sense. “Yeah, he’s got like five girls in his bed right now. Why did you think I was kicked out?”
Blaine is on his feet and in the hallway before he really thinks about it. Sure he’s not dating Kurt, but they’re still friends. He’s not going to allow the kid to ruin his life with a wild orgy resulting in his expulsion from Dalton.
It has nothing to do with the burning desire to claw the eyes out of any girl allowed to cuddle with Kurt. on his bed. Blaine is simply being a good friend. He repeats this to himself several times as he calmly bolts down the hallway to Kurt’s dorm. He’s just about to fling the door open when he catches the conversation and suddenly can’t move his arm.
“C’mon, Brittany,” a high pitch voice needles. “You’re the one who always brags about her perfect record... so who’s the biggest at McKinley?”
“I’m dating Artie now,” a husky voice replies slowly.
“We won’t tell, promise!”
“And it won’t be like last year with Quinn and Puck,” another girl says almost pointedly.
Blaine has his hand on the doorknob when the husky voice says, “Kurt.”
Outraged muffled giggles ensue and Blaine knows this is so very, very wrong (Wes is helpfully hissing the mantra in his ear), but he can’t stop now.
“What?” “How do you know that?” “I didn’t think you guys got that far!”
“He wears really tight jeans,” ‘Brittany’ replies simply, as if that explains anything.
“Plus we pantsed him at Nationals and that pretty much confirmed everything,” another girl chimes in archly.
“Why am I only hearing about this now?”
“What happens at Nationals, stays at Nationals.”
The room is silent save for the occasional giggle until a voice asks, “What kind of margin are we talking about here?”
“Rachel!” another girl hisses. “I can’t believe you asked that!”
“I just want to know! There’s nothing wrong with natural curiosity! Besides, you totally want to know too, don’t lie.”
David ignores Wes and tries to get closer to the door, whether to take Blaine’s hand off the knob or to get a better earful Blaine will never know, because the next thing he knows the door’s open and Wes and David are stabbing him in the back with their knees as they pick themselves off the floor.
The interlopers in Kurt’s room are all glaring at him reproachfully, as if they weren’t talking about dirty, dirty things when the Warblers made their grand entrance.
Blaine knows Mercedes and Rachel, obviously, but he can’t figure out who the other three girls are exactly. He thinks Tina is the Asian one from Kurt’s stories (otherwise the “Asian vampire father” story Kurt likes to reference when he’s making fun of his former principal makes no sense), but the other two aren’t as easy to place, snuggled deep into Kurt’s sheets as they are.
It takes Blaine a moment, but he finally finds Kurt among the sea of estrogen currently invading Dalton. His face is barely visible in Mercedes’ lap and he’s bracketed by the two unknown girls. One kind of looks like Santana, but it’s hard to tell from a ponytail alone. It looks like Kurt’s in the center of a puppy pile, surrounded as he is on all sides. Blaine can’t help but be impressed - he hadn’t realized the Dalton beds could hold that many people.
But the girls’ don’t seem to be very impressed. In fact, Mercedes looks downright murderous.
“If you wake him up,” she hisses slowly, “I will kill you slowly and let Rachel explain sex to you while doing so.”
“Girls aren’t allowed in dorm rooms,” Wes recites, braver than Blaine in the face of such a creative threat. “What are you doing here?”
“We’re here to comfort Kurt in his time of sickness,” Rachel replies primly, picking a piece of lint off her sweater.
Is that actually a kitten hanging on to a rope on the front? Blaine wonders. Kurt really hadn’t been exaggerating about her fashion sense.
“Kurt isn’t sick,” Blaine protests. “He’s just been really busy!”
Mercedes gives him a dark look. “Boo’s got bronchitis, you really haven’t noticed?”
“That does make sense,” David replies while Blaine is trying to figure out how he missed something so important. “He hasn’t really been talking much during Warbler meetings recently.”
“And that wasn’t a sign something was wrong?” Tina asks sarcastically.
“I thought he was just getting the hang of group dynamics,” Blaine offers weakly, aware it’s a pretty pathetic excuse.
Rachel looks at her cell phone regretfully. “As much as I would like to lecture you on your shameful lack of interpersonal skills, a key leadership quality I possess and use to guide the New Directions to vocal victory, we really need to get back to Lima.”
The girls slowly peel themselves out of Kurt’s bed, somehow without disturbing its sleeping owner. The blonde girl who’d been the little spoon to Kurt’s big spoon adjusts her miniskirt and walks up to Blaine.
“I’m Brittany,” she says looking Blaine up and down slowly. “Kurt and I went out on a date, and we made out, and then he gave me a facial. And one day he will be mine, you can count on that.”
She pauses. “And I can’t count.”
Blaine is incredibly confused.
Mercedes sighs. “Brit, aren’t you dating Artie now?”
The blonde smiles. “He’s my boyfriend and he can’t walk!”
“So why are planning on making Kurt yours?” Mercedes asks.
Santana waves the question off. “Don’t question her on this, so not worth your time. There’s apparently some plan involving ducks and dolphins and you losers promised me Breadstix if I came along, so let’s go.”
“Why did we invite you again?” Mercedes asks as they leave in a flurry of skirts and giggles, causing doors to open and mouths to drop as the group walks, or - in Brittany’s case - dances, down the hallway.
“‘Cause I’m awesome,” echoes down the hallway before they finally get out of hearing range.
Wes, David, and Blaine are left in Kurt’s room wondering what exactly just happened.
David looks at the sleeping boy in the bed and back at Blaine. “Does this kind of thing happen to gay guys all the time? ‘Cause I’m thinking if Nicole and I ever break up, this pretending to be gay thing is an awesome way to get girls to sleep with me.”
Blaine’s eye twitches. “He’s not pretending, he’s gay!”
“But this kind of thing doesn’t happen to you!” David protests quietly. “Unless you’ve been holding out on us?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, we go to an all boys boarding school,” Blaine replies.
Kurt makes a snuffling noise and Wes ushers David and Blaine out of the room before they wake him. Blaine is about to thank Wes when he says, “Doesn’t seem to have stopped Kurt.”
“Yeah” David teases, “He gave Brittany a facial.”
“I hate both of you,” Blaine hisses, stalking back to the library.
(Four)
It’s Thursday night and Kurt hasn’t stopped by Blaine’s room for their weekly Broadway gossip/Grey’s Anatomy recap session. It’s not that Blaine’s worried, it just isn’t like Kurt to miss out on a tradition. The kid loves tradition more than Wes loves rules, and that’s really saying something considering that Blaine sometimes thinks Wes sleeps with a copy of the Warbler Code of Conduct in case of late-night comportment emergencies.
So when Kurt doesn’t respond to Blaine’s fifth text, there’s really no other option, he’s just going to have to find the kid. Hopefully he isn’t snuggling with a girl... no, that’s unkind, Blaine reminds himself.
Kurt has female friends, friends he’s had longer than he’s known Blaine. And just because every Dalton student Blaine knows seems convinced that Kurt’s running a brilliant con and is secretly hooking up with hot girls left, right, and center doesn’t mean anything untoward is happening.
Kurt hasn’t really been himself since the party at Rachel’s. They’ve apologized to each other several times over - there were angry words, tears, laughs, and even a few embarrassing power point presentations (Blaine really should have warned Kurt about Wes’ horrible apology advice) - and Kurt claims everything is just fine. But he says it while using the same tight smile he uses to compliment the Warblers’ song choices so Blaine isn’t really sure how sincere he’s being.
Blaine isn’t sure why Kurt’s still mad, if anything Blaine’s the one who has that right. It’s not like Kurt had to use half a bottle of mouthwash to get the taste of Rachel Berry out of his mouth in the bathroom of the Lima Bean. And it’s not like Kurt’s best friend suddenly decided to stop being a supportive and open-minded friend in the face of a sexual identity crisis.
Blaine was cool when Kurt first invited him to Rachel’s party. He was supportive! He didn’t make a big deal out of going to a party with Kurt, Kurt’s ex-girlfriend, and the other women Kurt has apparently had regular sleepovers with.
Blaine’s never drinking again. The three wine coolers he’d drunk had made playing “Spin the Bottle” seem like a great idea. He was going to show Kurt exactly how great he was at kissing and then Kurt would never realize the most Blaine’s ever done is sing a song about sex toys to a junior manager at the GAP.
Darn it, he’d almost gone a day without thinking about that particular fiasco. David still thought it was hilarious how pink his ears got whenever he heard anything by Robin Thicke and had been sending freshman humming his entire discography at him for the last two weeks.
In Blaine’s head, the plan made a lot of sense. Though he’d kind of hoped for more fireworks and fewer feelings of “wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong”. But on the upside, he could totally understand what Kurt meant about his first official kiss not really counting. That was at least one good thing to come out of the party.
But Kurt had been strangely distant since the coffee shop, that fake smile plastered on his face even after Blaine mentioned that it was probably a good thing the bottle landed on Rachel because she’d been pretty cool about the whole lack of fireworks while sucking face sober thing considering.
And really, if you think about it, it’s not like Kurt has any grounds to stand on about the dating a girl thing. It’s not like Blaine was sleeping with Rachel; the kiss had made him feel really good and since he and Kurt were friends, Kurt should have supported him in that.
Kissing Rachel had nothing to do with Blaine’s realization that Kurt’s got about an inch and a half on him. That if they stood side by side, Blaine could just rest his head perfectly on Kurt’s collarbone. And then their heads would lean close together and Blaine would ruin the moment with his inability to kiss Kurt right. Properly.
But really it was probably the wine coolers. Nothing to do at all with how nice Kurt looks in his Dalton jacket. He and Kurt were friends again.
He’d always been one to compliment his friends, right?
Blaine really regrets not buying that copy of “Romance... for Dummies” when he had the chance.
Kurt isn’t in his room and after a bit of asking around, Blaine finally finds a lead. Eric mentions he’d seen Kurt, Will, and Teddy heading towards the common room a couple hours ago with a stack of DVDs and bottles of soda. They’d invited him, but he had that killer Spanish test tomorrow and had to skip.
When Blaine reached the common room he was a bit confused at the mess in front of him; Kurt had certainly complained enough times about the mess he found in the room he used to share with Finn every time he came home. Instead, Kurt was lounging - lounging! - on one sofa and seemed utterly absorbed by whatever was playing on screen.
Kurt was blowing him off for a show about cars? This didn’t make any sense. The same guy who had subjected Blaine to a five-hour lecture on why despite their cheap prices and up to date offerings, Forever Twenty One was not a Kurt Hummel approved fashion option. There had been some more about intellectual property right infringement, but Blaine had gotten caught up in watching Kurt’s hands as they waved across the air as if Kurt was conducting an orchestra. It was entertaining, that’s all, nothing to do with wondering what else Kurt’s hands could do.
Kurt is watching the screen with an intensity usually reserved for examining the latest issue of Vogue. He doesn’t seem to notice his phone is flashing and buzzing on the floor in front of him. Blaine can’t explain it, Kurt is obsessed with his phone; Blaine has seen Kurt bring his phone with him to the showers in the morning to catch up on late-night texts.
Looking at the screen, Blaine can’t see the appeal. It’s a bunch of middle-aged British guys sitting in a circle talking about cars. It’s not like the hosts are anything special. So why is Kurt ignoring him?
Kurt jumps when he realizes Blaine’s in the room. “Oh god, I am so sorry Blaine! I got so caught up in Top Gear, I completely forgot about the time. Do you still want to watch Grey’s Anatomy?”
Kurt looks exactly like David did the time he got caught up in an Ultimate Ninjas marathon when he was supposed to be meeting Blaine for emergency Warblers rehearsal last spring. Guilty, sure, but far more interested in continuing what he’s doing than going with Blaine.
So when Kurt looks up at his and bats his eyes and gives him a half-smile, Blaine says the same thing he told the last straight guy who blew him off for television. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Tomorrow?”
Kurt’s phone takes the opportunity to buzz. “15 messages? How long have I been here?” He checks his messages quickly and looks up slowly. “Do you have any plans tomorrow evening?”
Blaine shakes his head slowly.
“Find some,” Kurt commands, his fingers flying across the screen of his phone. He says something else, but Blaine’s too distracted to notice.
Kurt’s looking at him expectantly. “So?”
“I guess we can find something to do,” Blaine replies. “Adjustment Bureau? Matt Damon and Emily Blunt... I know you loved her in the Young Victoria.”
Kurt grimaces. “I can’t, I’m so sorry. Mercedes, Santana, and I have some plotting to do.”
Of course Kurt has plans with Santana. Is plotting some new slang that hasn’t made its way to Dalton yet?
He wants to make Kurt explain why he keeps ditching him for girls when he got mad at Blaine for wanting to date one for a week. But Will and Teddy are watching them both avidly, cells out and waiting to update the entire school should anything interesting happen.
So Blaine grins broadly instead. “I can find something to do.”
“Off campus,” Kurt insists.
“Sure,” Blaine agrees easily. “One question though, why?”
“Has to do with the plotting. I need you away from her… here. I need you away from here.”
Blaine’s confused about the slip, but lets it go. He’s going to be supportive of Kurt and Santana.
He swears he hears Kurt muttering about not taking any chances with a “reverse Jesse”, but that makes even less sense than Kurt’s bizarre command.
Maybe he should visit Borders tomorrow evening. Amazon’s shipping takes too long and Blaine’s beginning to get worried.
(Five)
Blaine had planned on forcing Kurt, on threat to his favorite scarf if necessary, to go to the Lima Bean with him after rehearsal, but seeing Kurt chatting with a tiny Asian girl derailed those plans immediately.
How did Kurt keeping finding girls? They went to an all-boys school for Pete’s sake!
“So you’re enjoying Carmel?” Blaine hears when he approaches the couple. “Glad to hear We really are sorry about Rachel, I still don’t know what that girl is thinking half the time.”
She giggles. “It’s good to see you again Kurt.”
“I’m guessing we’ll see your whole team soon?”
The girl freezes. “I... have no idea what you’re talking about?”
Kurt laughs and finally notices Blaine standing in the doorway. “Blaine, do you know Sunshine Corazon? She’s a singer at Carmel in Vocal Adrenaline.”
Blaine manages a smile and makes small talk with the girl until she starts to leave a few minutes later. Kurt smiles at her and pulls her tight, clearly whispering sweet nothings in her ear by the way she’s frozen.
“We clear?” he says when they finally separate.
“No poaching.” She nods, clearly nervous. “Got it. I’ll tell the others, I promise.”
Before he gets a chance to ask Kurt why she was here in the first place, Wes calls rehearsal to order and they start to warm up.
The next hour and a half are spent working on harmonies and older pieces, though Nick shoots down Blaine’s suggestion to include ‘Bills, Bills, Bills’ in their set list for Regionals and they’re almost ready, Blaine can taste it.
Wes clears his throat and starts to hand out sheet music to a new duet. “Auditions are next week,” he announces, trying to bring the room back to order before realizing the futility of it all. “See you then.”
Blaine’s halfway to his room when Kurt catches up with him. “Hey Kurt, what’s up?”
Kurt looks at his shoes shyly, something he hasn’t done since the first week he’d transferred. “Are you planning on auditioning for the duet?”
“I guess I hadn’t really thought about it,” Blaine replies honestly. “Why?”
“Do you want to practice it with me?” Kurt rushes out, so quickly it takes Blaine a moment to translate.
“Sounds like fun,” He shrugs. “Say... what was up with you and that Sunshine girl?”
(Six)
“Sunshine?”
Blaine shrugs, he can’t seem to help it around Kurt. “You guys seemed pretty friendly, that’s all.”
“Sort of, I guess,” Kurt replies. “She went to McKinley for a couple days before she tried to join glee club and Rachel sent her to a crack house.”
“Seriously?” Blaine’s mouth drops. “Who does that in real life?”
“The girl you sucked face with apparently.”
“Why do you always call her that?” Blaine asks. “It’s not a big deal, neither of us really enjoyed it anyway.”
Kurt looks away and Blaine thinks they’re going to continue in this weird limbo they’ve been trapped in for the past few weeks when Kurt straightens up and looks at him. “I was jealous Blaine,” he says slowly. “You practically attacked her face and then after you told me that even though you didn’t really like it you were still glad that stupid bottle landed on her! What, am I really so hideous to you that you’d rather kiss a girl or a straight guy than me?”
“But you like girls!” It bursts out before Blaine has a chance to think.
“Where on Earth did you get such a preposterous idea?” Kurt asks acidly.
“You and Santana were flirting after your run and you have sleepovers with girls and then you had 5 girls in your bed and you’ve dated Brittany who still wants you even though she has a boyfriend and the girls all gossip about how hung you are and you blow off Grey’s Anatomy night for television shows with cars in them and even at Dalton you still get pretty girls to talk to you!” Blaine takes a deep breath before miserably adding, “And Wes and David keep talking about how they’re going to take notes from your gamebook because clearly pretending to be gay is getting you tons of girls.”
Kurt blinks and his face turns red. Blaine’s waiting for the eruption when the first giggle slips out, followed by a genuine belly laugh. He’s never seen Kurt so loose or carefree that he can’t even bring himself to mind that Kurt’s standing in the middle of the hallway laughing at him.
“Blaine, you really are horrible at romance, you know that?” he wheezes after trying to get himself together for a few minutes. “As for the gay question, have you seen my tiara collection?”
Kurt tries to compose himself, but is clearly still holding back giggles as he starts to explain. “Blaine, Santana showed up at Dalton and forced me to go on a 15 mile run with her because she can’t use Cheerios practice for anger management anymore. Then she shoved a snowball down my pants for being too slow.”
“I have sleepovers with Rachel and Mercedes, and sometimes Quinn and Tina, because most guys don’t like doing makeovers and watching romantic comedies so my options are kind of limited. Yes, I dated Brittany, but that was for three days when I was trying to convince my dad that I was straight because I was jealous of his relationship with Finn.”
“I’m sorry for missing Grey’s, but I got sucked into Top Gear. I was feeling homesick and Teddy suggested it might make me feel better and it did. My dad talks about cars all the time, it was nice to hear that again.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about with the 5 girls in my bed or them discussing size. I’m assuming you’re making that all up due to jealousy because the alternative is too terrifying to consider so don’t attempt to convince me otherwise.” Kurt smiles broadly, a true smile this time.
“In fact,” he continues, “it kind of seems like Wes and David might have been pulling your leg. I mean really, the first conversation I had with you three was me asking if you were all gay like me. So really, either you’re delusional or,” he pauses, then whispers, “Maybe you’re jealous?”
Jealous? Blaine hadn’t even considered the idea. Just because every time Blaine turned around there was another girl throwing herself at Kurt doesn’t mean Blaine’s jealous... oh god, he’s totally jealous of those girls. He’s been angry that they’ve been able to talk to him easily, without feeling like every word has to be perfect or somehow the whole house of cards they’ve built their relationship on will come tumbling down; jealous that they’re the ones who touch him, in bed and out, easily and without reservation when it takes all Blaine has in him to not test whether that spot by Kurt’s collarbone is really as tasty as it looks.
Blaine can feel his cheeks turning red and has no idea what to say or do.
“So you don’t want to be just friends?” Kurt asks quietly.
Blaine doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t think he can at this point his heart is beating so fiercely inside his chest.
Kurt takes his hand and grips it firmly. Blaine marvels once again at how soft the other boy’s hands are, how gorgeous his fingers are and desperately tries to stop thinking about what those hands would look like roaming across his body.
“What if we start with the duet, and see how things go from there?” Kurt finally suggests.
Blaine can do this. He looks straight at Kurt, who seems to melt before his eyes, and tugs Kurt towards the rehearsal room. They’ve got another flirty duet to practice and this time they’re both aware of it.
Blaine totally doesn’t need that book. He is awesome at relationships.
~*~*~*~*~*~
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