play the hand we've been dealt...
my flight is on saturday. today is my last day at work before i go on my soul searching adventure in chicago. you'd think i'd be happier hm?
turns out, i really wanted the job here at barry. it would have been perfect. too bad no one could even be bothered to look at my resume. im now told that THREE people have been interviewed (including my boss's relative who didnt even know WHAT department he wanted to work in!) and that the "positions may have already been filled." super, right?!
my last shot at even having a chance is in a few minutes, when the big boss man comes in from lunch. im going to talk to him.
emotionally, im rather tired. going from super anxious, to livid, to frustrated, to sad, back to super anxious. normally everyone has a plan. normally, *I* have a plan. but this whole week, my "plan" is up in the air and everywhere because i dont know whats going to happen. if i get the job at barry, i stay, if i dont, i go. but i cant be excited and ambitious when all it takes is a yes or a no (and when im [totally entitled to] and wishing for the yes.)
this job should be mine. the more i think about it, the more angry i get. the job SHOULD BE MINE. i should have fucking first dibs on it! have any of these other fucking MOFOS you picked up off the street been working here with all of you for the last 3.5 years?! have you known any of them since they were a CHILD?! no. i have fucking personal and professional relationships with EVERYONE HERE, not to mention experience in this department, and i am still being passed up! what the FUCK.
well, after today, i can refocus on chicago. it just sucks that in the 5 days that ive wanted to stay, ive built an entire dream life for myself, which is now being crushed. i wanted to stay here, and be earning adult sums of money. i wanted to spend the next two years, working on my masters (for a tuition break since i'd already be working here.) i wanted to move out of my parents house, and into my own apartment, decorated fabulously in the heart of ft lauderdale's boys town. and maybe even get a puppy. and a boyfriend. and a fantastic kitchen.
but whatever, if i dont get this job, its going to be years (instead of months) until any of that happens.
im twenty fucking three, with a fucking bachelors degree, and im fucking smart and pretty god damnit! so why the fuck is the universe thwarting my every attempt at adulthood?
"I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss, the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got." - CB
turns out, i really wanted the job here at barry. it would have been perfect. too bad no one could even be bothered to look at my resume. im now told that THREE people have been interviewed (including my boss's relative who didnt even know WHAT department he wanted to work in!) and that the "positions may have already been filled." super, right?!
my last shot at even having a chance is in a few minutes, when the big boss man comes in from lunch. im going to talk to him.
emotionally, im rather tired. going from super anxious, to livid, to frustrated, to sad, back to super anxious. normally everyone has a plan. normally, *I* have a plan. but this whole week, my "plan" is up in the air and everywhere because i dont know whats going to happen. if i get the job at barry, i stay, if i dont, i go. but i cant be excited and ambitious when all it takes is a yes or a no (and when im [totally entitled to] and wishing for the yes.)
this job should be mine. the more i think about it, the more angry i get. the job SHOULD BE MINE. i should have fucking first dibs on it! have any of these other fucking MOFOS you picked up off the street been working here with all of you for the last 3.5 years?! have you known any of them since they were a CHILD?! no. i have fucking personal and professional relationships with EVERYONE HERE, not to mention experience in this department, and i am still being passed up! what the FUCK.
well, after today, i can refocus on chicago. it just sucks that in the 5 days that ive wanted to stay, ive built an entire dream life for myself, which is now being crushed. i wanted to stay here, and be earning adult sums of money. i wanted to spend the next two years, working on my masters (for a tuition break since i'd already be working here.) i wanted to move out of my parents house, and into my own apartment, decorated fabulously in the heart of ft lauderdale's boys town. and maybe even get a puppy. and a boyfriend. and a fantastic kitchen.
but whatever, if i dont get this job, its going to be years (instead of months) until any of that happens.
im twenty fucking three, with a fucking bachelors degree, and im fucking smart and pretty god damnit! so why the fuck is the universe thwarting my every attempt at adulthood?
"I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss, the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got." - CB