I'm Sorry
It's been hard. I'm not going to lie, the past month has been no walk in the park. Unless of course, the park was murky and dark and dreary with the occasional flicker of sunlight shining through between the tall trees. But luckily those flickers have been coming more frequently.
One of these flickers happened to be a very unexpected apology I received a few days ago.
"I'm sorry" is something none of us hear too often. People don't like saying it but love hearing it, which is why it's cherished on the rare occasion it's sincerely said. But usually it's said for a slew of insincere reasons - to end an argument even if the apologizer believes him/herself to be right, to state sarcastically that the person upset has no reason to be, to manipulate, to hear the other person say it back, to win someone's heart... My favorite is the "I'm sorry you were hurt" apology, which is actually an apology for the other person's feelings and not for the apologizer's actions, thus not an apology, but a statement meaning "You should apologize for being sensitive but I did what I had to do and I'm not sorry for it."
But on Saturday night, I had the pleasure of hearing words so sincere that they were for none of those reasons. The person apologizing only wanted forgiveness. Isn't that what apologies were made for? There was no elaborate explanation of what happened. In a true apology, no explanation is needed. No excuse is needed. No one wants to hear, "I'm sorry I did this and that, but you have to understand that I did it because of that and the other thing." That's the difference between asking for forgiveness and asking the person you hurt to understand and comfort you for what you've done, instead of accepting that you were wrong and nothing more.
I heard the words "I'm sorry for being such a rotten bitch."
What could I say? No excuses, no explanations. I knew all she wanted was forgiveness and I saw the weight on her shoulders as she carried her guilty feelings. I couldn't blame her any more than she had already blamed herself. And that is why all I said was, "It's okay."
One of these flickers happened to be a very unexpected apology I received a few days ago.
"I'm sorry" is something none of us hear too often. People don't like saying it but love hearing it, which is why it's cherished on the rare occasion it's sincerely said. But usually it's said for a slew of insincere reasons - to end an argument even if the apologizer believes him/herself to be right, to state sarcastically that the person upset has no reason to be, to manipulate, to hear the other person say it back, to win someone's heart... My favorite is the "I'm sorry you were hurt" apology, which is actually an apology for the other person's feelings and not for the apologizer's actions, thus not an apology, but a statement meaning "You should apologize for being sensitive but I did what I had to do and I'm not sorry for it."
But on Saturday night, I had the pleasure of hearing words so sincere that they were for none of those reasons. The person apologizing only wanted forgiveness. Isn't that what apologies were made for? There was no elaborate explanation of what happened. In a true apology, no explanation is needed. No excuse is needed. No one wants to hear, "I'm sorry I did this and that, but you have to understand that I did it because of that and the other thing." That's the difference between asking for forgiveness and asking the person you hurt to understand and comfort you for what you've done, instead of accepting that you were wrong and nothing more.
I heard the words "I'm sorry for being such a rotten bitch."
What could I say? No excuses, no explanations. I knew all she wanted was forgiveness and I saw the weight on her shoulders as she carried her guilty feelings. I couldn't blame her any more than she had already blamed herself. And that is why all I said was, "It's okay."