(no subject)
Well, I moved into College on Sunday, and I already really don't like it. I was never ever excited for college, and now is no exception. I enjoy my room, but as my mom says, I don't to get a reputation who only hangs out in her room. But....that's what I do. That's what I like to do. As lame as it sounds I'm super content to hang out by myself and do my own thing. But, as I'm learning, that's not so much normal here as it is weird and lame.I have a crippling shy-ness that is easier said than done to overcome. I was never a social butterfly in high school, and, guess what, college is no different. I'm still holding out for making some friends, as classes haven't even started yet, but I'm seriously not off to a good start. I stayed in my room on my first night and cried on and off to myself. I really really wanted to go to the ComedySportz show that was going on on the South Lawn, but since the group was from Minneapolis, I knew I was just going to be sitting there the whole time wishing I was in Minneapolis watching the show. And that's when it hit me: I never realized before that maybe the reason I didn't want to go to College was not because I feared the actually schooling itself, but I really didn't want to leave home. I want to stay in Minneapolis, as blase as my attitude about home was before I left, when I did leave, my urge t go back was unbearable. I'm not the kind of person who loves to plunge into a new and different situation, I don't even like it. I texted my mom on Sunday night while I was in my room (alone) watching Mad Men, and I told her I wanted to come home this weekend, and although my feelings about it are not as intense about it as they were that first night, I still think I would feel good about going home. On the other hand, it's my first weekend, and plus my roommate will be going home this weekend already to say goodbye to a friend who's going to New Zealand, and I kind of want to have the room to myself, and see how I feel about that. But on the other hand I worry that I might become a recluse if I'm left alone all weekend, and unless I have a good excuse for staying in my room, I'll just start to feel sorry for myself. Who knows what I'd be more happy doing. On one hand, I was really disappointed in myself for not going to ComedySportz the other night, but I still couldn't bring myself to leave my room, and my roommate is being no help in any situation either way. So I made it up to myself by going to the movie on the lawn last night, but I went by myself, and I got the feeling that the RA took a group down, and since I had my door closed and was watching The Office on DVD (by myself) I missed out on the invitation, so when I heard the movie starting, I went down and watched it by myself. I didn't want to waste time looking for people I knew, so I sat down on the end, by some people who seemed really lame and were smoking, so I was just kind of annoyed by them the whole time. I don't know if it would have been the same way on Sunday night if I went to the show. Even now, I'm about to eat dinner alone in my room, because I don't feel like going to the Commons by myself, and I'm pretty sure everyone on my floor has already eaten.
It'll get better, I know, but right now, I'm just not feeling it. I really just want classes to start, so I can meet new people. I'm going to see a comedian tonight over by the student center, but I still don't think I'm going to be able to talk to anybody. I'll have to see how it pans out.
It'll get better, I know, but right now, I'm just not feeling it. I really just want classes to start, so I can meet new people. I'm going to see a comedian tonight over by the student center, but I still don't think I'm going to be able to talk to anybody. I'll have to see how it pans out.