(no subject)
Today i've come to the realization that I am a lot of the times a two-faced mean person. I feel like I have to please everyone all the time by agreeing with them to their faces, even when I'm talking about other people. and some times I just need to say what I feel about something or someone, and who doesn't regret saying something about someone, and then have it come back to bite them in the face. there is a girl who thinks i'm good friends with her, and I make fun of her behind her back all the time, and talk bad about her with my friends. it's not like I'm always instigating it, most of my friends don't like her either, but why do I need to do that? why do I always have to complain about people behind their backs? and then when the moment comes I could confront them about it, I shy away, and agree with THEM on everything, and agree that they're right about everything. And why, WHY, do I have trouble confronting people? because I;m so afraid that they'll end up hating me and i'll lose a bunch of friends.
I'm always really shy around people, and I don't assert myself enough, because I don't want to turn people away and make myself seem annoying. And when I finally do assert myself, I get to a level of comfort, where I'm a lot more vocal, and to some extent annoying. Then, I feel like people get annoyed with me, and don't care about what I have to say. I fell like telling them "I don't do this often! I'm not good at making the first moves on anything, especially in new friendships. Humor me!"
It's like people already know if theyre going to be friends with me when they see me.
It doesn't help that I never know what to say.
I'm always really shy around people, and I don't assert myself enough, because I don't want to turn people away and make myself seem annoying. And when I finally do assert myself, I get to a level of comfort, where I'm a lot more vocal, and to some extent annoying. Then, I feel like people get annoyed with me, and don't care about what I have to say. I fell like telling them "I don't do this often! I'm not good at making the first moves on anything, especially in new friendships. Humor me!"
It's like people already know if theyre going to be friends with me when they see me.
It doesn't help that I never know what to say.