A day in what we call life
EDIT: Holy ****er. I've spent way more money than I thought.
Money in bank at 12am on 2/24/05: $1,238.03
Total withdrawals since 2/24/05: $872.10 (including monthly credit card bill which was $241, the check I wrote for my mom to fix her car $197, new headlight bulbs for my car $67, and filling up my gas tank twice in 4 days $80, and $150 for Maroon 5 concert floor tickets but that particular one's ok cuz it'll be way worth it)
Total deposits since 2/24/05: $ 559.00 (shitty paycheck of $464.36, Ebay sale of $94.94).
..leaving me with a deficit of $312.80 in the last 12 fucking days.
And that's not mentioning my speeding ticket, which I'm not sure if I have to pay yet, but if I do there goes another $158.
And I only have $364 in my bank right now, not including the $188 for my CD changer I bought for my car on Ebay.
So I'll have $176 as soon as that goes through. Leaving me with about $18 (after speeding ticket) after 4 months of working full time. And living at home. ...wow, I'm gunna be in trouble when I move out. Erm well I just wont be spending anymore money on debts or car shit at least. HA.
But I get paid tomorrow, and my tax returns of $400 come in any day now. So I'll have about $900 again in a few days. +$1,000 from my grandparents as soon as I get my loser HS diploma.
ok to the real entry:
>>I try to be positive with these sorts of things, but somehow it brings the worst of you.<<
. . .
I never really woke up this morning. Illness has a profound effect on your schedule. Inspite of having class at 8 and nothing to do for the rest of the day, I stayed in bed and got my "rest." Take 5. 5 in a row. The world doesn't wait for mistakes. 5 revolutions of the planet, 5 days I'm left behind. Get up, get out, fight it with your life. You can't keep waiting for someone to move your board piece. It will never happen. Sometimes I worry myself with my ...distance. I worry myself at how disconnected I am. It's almost as if I'm drifting in a half-reality, caught between a dream and a nightmare. More often than not I catch myself leaning unwillingly towards the nightmare. Leaning, or falling. Frightening, yes.
No one is going to save you when you're stranded in the desert.. Don't count on it. You have one person in this world, one person only, no more, no less, no middle ground. One. You. Heavy reliance on anything less is dangerous, and wreckless.
No one will grab the rescue line for you, and make you save yourself. You. One. Will make your life happen.
We all have those that affect our lives. But they do not move it forward. They add to the weapon you use to manipulate things to your benefit, yourself. For better or for worse, they give us memories. They provide insight, they build your character. People affect us, but they do not live your life for you.
You. Confidence is everything. And YOU, can do it. No matter the stress, no matter the mountain, no matter the obstacle. You, will do it. And will succeed. There is no greater pleasure and satisfaction than self-made success.
I want to see you with dirt on your face, a bloody lip, a battered body, standing on top of that cliff-face with your pride in your hand held up high. I want to see you win. And winning doesn't always mean coming out on top. Winning is doing the best you could have done, and being proud to have done it on your own.
You are strong. Find the strength within you. It exists, no matter the darkness.
But forget not the motivation for all that is good. Love.
You can not forget the love those ones showed you in adding to your life. The love they showed you in mending your wounds so you could continue to climb. The love they showed you to let you know that there IS something still worth fighting for. The love they showed you when they made sure you were climbing with the right equipment. The love they showed you when you stopped, broken and cold, and they held you close and kept you warm while being your legs until you recovered.
Contradiction? Not at all. You still pulled yourself up that ledge on your own strength. The love of others simply watched over you, and made sure you didn't fail altogether.
You still need to move your own piece..
Money in bank at 12am on 2/24/05: $1,238.03
Total withdrawals since 2/24/05: $872.10 (including monthly credit card bill which was $241, the check I wrote for my mom to fix her car $197, new headlight bulbs for my car $67, and filling up my gas tank twice in 4 days $80, and $150 for Maroon 5 concert floor tickets but that particular one's ok cuz it'll be way worth it)
Total deposits since 2/24/05: $ 559.00 (shitty paycheck of $464.36, Ebay sale of $94.94).
..leaving me with a deficit of $312.80 in the last 12 fucking days.
And that's not mentioning my speeding ticket, which I'm not sure if I have to pay yet, but if I do there goes another $158.
And I only have $364 in my bank right now, not including the $188 for my CD changer I bought for my car on Ebay.
So I'll have $176 as soon as that goes through. Leaving me with about $18 (after speeding ticket) after 4 months of working full time. And living at home. ...wow, I'm gunna be in trouble when I move out. Erm well I just wont be spending anymore money on debts or car shit at least. HA.
But I get paid tomorrow, and my tax returns of $400 come in any day now. So I'll have about $900 again in a few days. +$1,000 from my grandparents as soon as I get my loser HS diploma.
ok to the real entry:
>>I try to be positive with these sorts of things, but somehow it brings the worst of you.<<
. . .
I never really woke up this morning. Illness has a profound effect on your schedule. Inspite of having class at 8 and nothing to do for the rest of the day, I stayed in bed and got my "rest." Take 5. 5 in a row. The world doesn't wait for mistakes. 5 revolutions of the planet, 5 days I'm left behind. Get up, get out, fight it with your life. You can't keep waiting for someone to move your board piece. It will never happen. Sometimes I worry myself with my ...distance. I worry myself at how disconnected I am. It's almost as if I'm drifting in a half-reality, caught between a dream and a nightmare. More often than not I catch myself leaning unwillingly towards the nightmare. Leaning, or falling. Frightening, yes.
No one is going to save you when you're stranded in the desert.. Don't count on it. You have one person in this world, one person only, no more, no less, no middle ground. One. You. Heavy reliance on anything less is dangerous, and wreckless.
No one will grab the rescue line for you, and make you save yourself. You. One. Will make your life happen.
We all have those that affect our lives. But they do not move it forward. They add to the weapon you use to manipulate things to your benefit, yourself. For better or for worse, they give us memories. They provide insight, they build your character. People affect us, but they do not live your life for you.
You. Confidence is everything. And YOU, can do it. No matter the stress, no matter the mountain, no matter the obstacle. You, will do it. And will succeed. There is no greater pleasure and satisfaction than self-made success.
I want to see you with dirt on your face, a bloody lip, a battered body, standing on top of that cliff-face with your pride in your hand held up high. I want to see you win. And winning doesn't always mean coming out on top. Winning is doing the best you could have done, and being proud to have done it on your own.
You are strong. Find the strength within you. It exists, no matter the darkness.
But forget not the motivation for all that is good. Love.
You can not forget the love those ones showed you in adding to your life. The love they showed you in mending your wounds so you could continue to climb. The love they showed you to let you know that there IS something still worth fighting for. The love they showed you when they made sure you were climbing with the right equipment. The love they showed you when you stopped, broken and cold, and they held you close and kept you warm while being your legs until you recovered.
Contradiction? Not at all. You still pulled yourself up that ledge on your own strength. The love of others simply watched over you, and made sure you didn't fail altogether.
You still need to move your own piece..