hate to say it but i love them no matter what
today was a rollar coaster. it was up and down and all around... and i swear it really was. but i don't want to get into it really. in the end, i just discovered that i truely do love those 5 boys... anthony smith, jason tucker, joon, marc, and yes, willis too. even though some stuff was done i found that really in the end... well here's part of my conversation with joon since it really just sums it up:
kpgboy: ya, we were all just a bunch of wild dogs that night
JuiceBoxRebelion: haha i know
kpgboy: especially willis...-_-
JuiceBoxRebelion: i hold no hard feelings for any of you guys
JuiceBoxRebelion: except willis a little
kpgboy: haha
JuiceBoxRebelion: even though you all egged him on and stuff
JuiceBoxRebelion: what he said made me really sad
kpgboy: i'll tell him that
kpgboy: u have to understand
JuiceBoxRebelion: he did apologize though
kpgboy: like in "mice and men," he is like our lenny
kpgboy: like he could do things that don't seen really bad to him but to other ppl its really bad
kpgboy: but he is lovable most of the time
JuiceBoxRebelion: yah i know
JuiceBoxRebelion: i know he's mean but he's really like tuff love but i was just, i don't know. no ones ever talked to me like that before
JuiceBoxRebelion: honestly i started crying after i got off the phone with him
JuiceBoxRebelion: he just made me feel like crap
kpgboy: wow that sucks
kpgboy: i'm sure he didn't mean that
kpgboy: like after the night, he thought that u guys thought he was at the bottom of the pervial food chain
JuiceBoxRebelion: i know he didn't i just thought maybe that's how you all felt and i really love all of you guys and i thought maybe you guys never were my friends or didn't want to be anymore and i just couldn't take it
JuiceBoxRebelion: i'm glad though, cuz i thought maybe you all hated me now
kpgboy: no.. far from it
JuiceBoxRebelion: i've never been as close to a group of boys like i am with you guys and i just didn't want to lose it
kpgboy: i wouldn't turn to hating somebody because they did something as TP FOR GOOD INTENTIONS
JuiceBoxRebelion: hahahaha
kpgboy: and don't be too mad at tuck and dres either because they are really good people in heart
kpgboy: and he was the one that told us that we were going to apologize tonight so
JuiceBoxRebelion: no i'm not
kpgboy: okay good
JuiceBoxRebelion: and andrew is a good boy i know that
JuiceBoxRebelion: you all are
JuiceBoxRebelion: i'm not mad at all
kpgboy: okay
kpgboy: im glad we had this talk and we understand eachother now
i'm really. i don't know almost okay with what happened? it just made me realize that i don't like them being mad at me or me mad at them. especially anthony. i mean he's one of the best friends that i have... and i've never really been mad at him ever. the fact that i was mad at him makes me so upset. i really do love him so much and i'd hate to lose him as a friend... i'd hate to lose any of them as friends. really, these boys have made a lot of impact on my life through the three years that i've known them. this is the first rough spot but i'm glad we all worked through it. i love all of you boys so much and i'm sorry for anything i said or did that upset you, things got out of control but i'm glad it's all over now...
i just hope.. things get better and not worse. i have to learn to hold my tongue and think before i speak. things got better but...