(no subject)
I dont know whats making me soo upset. I am sooo sad and i cant put a finger on it. Yestureday for wonderful and like 1100 hit and completely was destroyed. Like i woke up and went to japanese which was of the best classes we've ever had. Every one laughed at my not knowing how to explain hot cereal and oatmeal were the same and thats what my parents say at home... but i was saying my parents had come which has no correlation to my cause. A spider was descending near the ceiling near kobayashi. Cheney san pointed at it with a horrified look on her face. Kobes fears nothing soooo she started saying i probably didnt understand japanese because it was an american spider and tried to wave it down but ended up grabbing its string and ushering it out the door with a little sayoonara. It was just such a beautiful fun class. After i went to dunkin donuts with some friends sarah and nora cause sarah was leaving on a train that afternoon. After i layed in the quad between blackstone and plant and did some reading and juggling it was wonderful and sunny and lots of people thought i was adorable. So after i ate my subway samwhich was delicious and hung out napping around. After i went to japanese slang jeopardy and hung out with parlin san...... by like 11 i decided to retire. I got back to plant and was soooo angry and sad. Merebear was passed out soo i couldnt make noise, alex and girl from quad were hanging out (making me feel ohh soo self conscious about my relationship with jacob and how i rarely get to hang out with him) i called him and he didnt pick up (we were suppose to hang out while he played d and d but he forgot or something fueling my emotions) i grabbed my phone annd decided a walk was needed to calm down. It did nothing of the sort. There were lots of wasted commrades wondering campus in a wonderful stupor...... i couldnt stand my loneliness and just balled. I just wish i had a group of friends that would scream decemberists and mates of state at the top of lungs and dooo crafts and party sometimes and dress in costume for no reason. I love it here and i love jacob i just feel shitty this past week and im not sure why. So talking to sarah i talked about how i felt a little neglected by jake. Really he loves me, but everyone i talk to is like how come ive never seen you with him or whats he up to tonight ( and ill have no idea) I sometimes feel i dont play as big a part in his life as i thought. I dont think im wrong for thinking this. Im not asking to much am i? I dont want to be his entire life but i want to atleast be apart of it. Eventually my phone died and sooo did my hsyterics and i retired to the common room still awake talking to sarah via computer. Eventually jake called and i went over still abismally upset. He apparently is sick. And i cried in his arms for a while fueld by petes and colins drunken songs outside. I fell asleep and soo did jake.