Vignette: Plus One
[Warning - Kinda angsty. Are you surprised? ;)]
Leaving the infirmary, Bailey’s mind was a thick mess of whirling black fog. How the fuck had this happened!? Well, she knew -how-, what she couldn’t wrap her mind around was how she could have been so distracted as to let it happen in the first place! What kind of idiot didn’t notice something wasn’t right? Snorting roughly at her next thought,Sunstroke. Riiight. She was definitely some kind of special when it came to stupid!
The brunette collided with someone hurrying along the path leading down to the docks and didn’t so much as spare him a glance when he flung a dirty look and a few choice words her way. The man hesitated a moment at the vacant expression the woman wore but decided the wiser option was to leave well enough alone and continued on his way.
As she boarded her sloop that black fog gave way to a high peak of anger as she flung the cabin door open. The bronze firelizard napping on a shelf squawked in alarm. When she hurled the first thing that came to hand (a mug) and it shattered against the wall, Skipper blinked Between in fright. A pot, the half-empty bottle of brandy and then a plate followed in quick succession as fear, frustration and a sense of hopelessness drove her beyond reason. Fingers closed around a paring knife but the small clatter it made as it hit a crate wasn’t nearly as satisfying as things that actually -broke-. As the rage subsided, the brunette was left shaking in its wake, staring at where the knife had fallen harmlessly to the floor.
Everything she’d ever planned or hoped for was now beyond her reach, alone in this situation she’d created for herself and all for the sake of a good lay and those haunting hazel eyes. Utterly and totally screwed in more ways than one now. Dry eyed, Bailey slid to the floor, back against the outer wall of the hull with knees drawn up and her arms wrapped tightly about them.
Her jaw tightened as her mind flickered to the ‘outs’ given her by Josian. Maybe. Maybe Paddy would be willing to help her out of this with a few trips Between. Unbidden, the solemn grey eyes of his little girl speaking of a mother that hadn’t wanted her, slipped into her consciousness, then the sad smile of her own mother the last time she’d seen her before she’d left with the bluerider. She squeezed her eyes shut against the memory, trying desperately to push it to the depths of her mind. She didn’t want to be that person. The one that left. But if the child never drew breath it wouldn’t be the same would it? Yes, it would. She would know, would remember what she’d done.
No, this was her mess. She’d made the proverbial bed and now she’d just have to lie in it, no matter the cost of the dreams she’d dreamed for herself. One thing was for sure, she could never go home now. A small shiver of fear touched at her spine. Not after the betrayal her own mother had delivered to her father all those turns back and in turn, the way in which she had sometimes caught her sire looking oddly at her as if somehow she had been to blame for it all.
Practicality set in next. If there was one thing her father and brothers had inadvertently taught her, it was how to be a fighter. There was nothing for it; she was going to have to figure this one out for herself. First and foremost, she needed a job, one that paid actual marks if she was to not only feed and clothe herself but tend to the needs of, plus one. Then there was the cost of getting the Even’Star shipshape once again in order to address the subject of joy trips for tourists with the Weyrwoman.
Perhaps she should revisit the job offer Paddy had made her, though whether or not he’d be up for a pregnant waitress waddling about his place as the months went by, remained to be seen.
With at least the beginnings of a plan in place, Bailey turned her back on the mess she’d made, went up on deck and spent the next few hours on the tedious task of starting to put down layer after layer of protective oil and wax onto the freshly stripped planking.
Leaving the infirmary, Bailey’s mind was a thick mess of whirling black fog. How the fuck had this happened!? Well, she knew -how-, what she couldn’t wrap her mind around was how she could have been so distracted as to let it happen in the first place! What kind of idiot didn’t notice something wasn’t right? Snorting roughly at her next thought,Sunstroke. Riiight. She was definitely some kind of special when it came to stupid!
The brunette collided with someone hurrying along the path leading down to the docks and didn’t so much as spare him a glance when he flung a dirty look and a few choice words her way. The man hesitated a moment at the vacant expression the woman wore but decided the wiser option was to leave well enough alone and continued on his way.
As she boarded her sloop that black fog gave way to a high peak of anger as she flung the cabin door open. The bronze firelizard napping on a shelf squawked in alarm. When she hurled the first thing that came to hand (a mug) and it shattered against the wall, Skipper blinked Between in fright. A pot, the half-empty bottle of brandy and then a plate followed in quick succession as fear, frustration and a sense of hopelessness drove her beyond reason. Fingers closed around a paring knife but the small clatter it made as it hit a crate wasn’t nearly as satisfying as things that actually -broke-. As the rage subsided, the brunette was left shaking in its wake, staring at where the knife had fallen harmlessly to the floor.
Everything she’d ever planned or hoped for was now beyond her reach, alone in this situation she’d created for herself and all for the sake of a good lay and those haunting hazel eyes. Utterly and totally screwed in more ways than one now. Dry eyed, Bailey slid to the floor, back against the outer wall of the hull with knees drawn up and her arms wrapped tightly about them.
Her jaw tightened as her mind flickered to the ‘outs’ given her by Josian. Maybe. Maybe Paddy would be willing to help her out of this with a few trips Between. Unbidden, the solemn grey eyes of his little girl speaking of a mother that hadn’t wanted her, slipped into her consciousness, then the sad smile of her own mother the last time she’d seen her before she’d left with the bluerider. She squeezed her eyes shut against the memory, trying desperately to push it to the depths of her mind. She didn’t want to be that person. The one that left. But if the child never drew breath it wouldn’t be the same would it? Yes, it would. She would know, would remember what she’d done.
No, this was her mess. She’d made the proverbial bed and now she’d just have to lie in it, no matter the cost of the dreams she’d dreamed for herself. One thing was for sure, she could never go home now. A small shiver of fear touched at her spine. Not after the betrayal her own mother had delivered to her father all those turns back and in turn, the way in which she had sometimes caught her sire looking oddly at her as if somehow she had been to blame for it all.
Practicality set in next. If there was one thing her father and brothers had inadvertently taught her, it was how to be a fighter. There was nothing for it; she was going to have to figure this one out for herself. First and foremost, she needed a job, one that paid actual marks if she was to not only feed and clothe herself but tend to the needs of, plus one. Then there was the cost of getting the Even’Star shipshape once again in order to address the subject of joy trips for tourists with the Weyrwoman.
Perhaps she should revisit the job offer Paddy had made her, though whether or not he’d be up for a pregnant waitress waddling about his place as the months went by, remained to be seen.
With at least the beginnings of a plan in place, Bailey turned her back on the mess she’d made, went up on deck and spent the next few hours on the tedious task of starting to put down layer after layer of protective oil and wax onto the freshly stripped planking.