I'm so fucking depressed
The day that I have been dreading for over a year now has finally come. Steven is 18 and has been kicked out of his house. I was there watching him take everything that was his out of the house and I felt helpless like there was nothing I could do to get him to stay. When he was heading to Alex's car to leave I bursted into tears and left so he wouldn't see me crying. he followed me to find out what was wrong and to make sure I was alright. Mike was upset and all but he has no idea what it is like for me to have Steve go. Everytime I left or came to my house, no matter how many times I did so or for whatever reason, for close to a decade now the first thing I would ever do when I walked in or out the door in my house is look over to Steven's place to see if he was outside in the yard. Whether we didn't really know each other that well, were best friends, hated each other, or spent 5 straight days under the same roof. I would look off of habit even when he was in my house or standing right behind me. Now the only thing that will come to my mind when I am at my house is that I will be looking for someone that no longer lives there and will never be there again. On the way back the dorm, I will listening to one of my favorite songs of all time, "Crazy Train" by the great Ozzy Osborne, and I couldn't sing it for shit because the second I opened my mouth I burst into tears again. I hope you take my mom's offer and live at my house in my place while I am in the dorms. I offer my room, clothes, food, everything that an only child has never had to share with anybody, to you. To go from having you live a half hour away to sleeping in my bed every night would make me the happiest mother fucker in the entire world. I have felt like shit the past month because I never get to see you anymore, and I cannot keep living this way. I love you so much little brother and will respect any decision that you make. If I spelled any of this shit wrong I apologize because I have been typing through tears the whole time and cannot see shit. Happy 18th birthday buddy and I hope you get everything you ever wanted out of life. Never forget that your family is behind you 100%, no matter what we say, and we will be with you to the end.
I love you.
I love you.