Depressed
Not too happy tonight. I'm tired, I'm overworked, I'm stressed, and I'm depressed. I'm an emotional wreck with noone to talk to. I miss my grandma and my mom. I miss a lot of things. I miss my friends. I miss... a lot. I don't even want to talk about it anymore. All I want is a little love and some kisses and some reassurance but I'm not going to get it so I'm not getting my hopes up. And I can't believe I'm seriously tearing up while writing this, I'm really down that low. And now I'm going to start crying and my door is unlocked and I don't want Jeff to walk in while I'm crying because I'm sure he'd just make it worse. Not that he's going to walk in. I think I just need a good cry.
The baby and Natasha (Jeff's cousin, visiting from Florida) walked EVERYWHERE today, down to the park (which we almost got lost doing), down to 7/11 like eight hundred times. It was over all a good day until, like always, he started screaming his head off and I got frustrated and just wanted to kill myself. Natasha bought me a really really cute silver lantern with fold out glass doors and everything for tea lights and it's been my nightlight for the past night or two because I have yet to work out all the electrical outlets in the room seeing as all my furniture is placed in the completely wrong areas.
I have been so utterly busy lately between working and attempting to study and cleaning and getting times in with the ferrets that I am just drained (not to mention lonely but we settled that in the first paragraph, very lonely). Now, remember, being lonely has nothing to do with me moving here so don't even pull that nonsense (don't know who I'm directing really, myself, maybe?).
I feel like I'm going insane, especially with this parenthesis bullshit hahah. Maybe I am going insane. Maybe I WANT to go insane so I can avoid my daily responsibilities and worthless emotions for the rest of my life. If only it was that easy. God, I fucking hate feeling so lost like this. Save me, someone, please?
Here I go with my eyes filling again, it makes me so angry when that happens. I hate crying, I hate getting upset, I fucking hate it all. It makes me soooo mad that I get like this for no reason, actually, let me rephrase that, for reasons unknown or reasons that I don't want to admit. Fuck myself, seriously. I am not enjoying this at all.
I don't even feel like typing anymore. I'm just disgusted.