over and done

May 03, 2007 23:04


People in the office think that I still have a crush on this guy I liked last year. It’s okay with me because the fact that I don’t talk about him anymore should give them enough reason not to badger me about him. Unless there’s some provocation in the air, I’ve been thankful he has not been asked from me in recent months.

I just shared this because for a while, I haven’t had a call from our admin assistant telling me that this guy is in our main office. Back then, that would be my cue to bring something, anything, over at the other side just to see him (sappiness transcends age when you crush someone, admit it). This morning, when our AA called me to rush there, I told her I can’t because I was eating (which was true, it was only 10 am and I was busy eating my good ol’ luncheon meat while typing a correspondence, but that’s another story). In truth, it didn’t appeal to me anymore. I swear, let all my bones crack and crumble if I’m lying.

Then after a while, RB, the same person who tried to set me up on a ball date with him, which thank heavens didn’t push through, personally dropped by my office just to ask me, “Do you still like the *insert his department* guy from the second floor?” I almost choked.

I replied, not anymore. Then I asked her why she wanted to know.

She said it was nothing; she’s just wondering if I’m still interested in meeting him on a more personal basis. I told her that I did get to meet him/talk to him/be with him in a Thanksgiving party last year, and that’s about it.

Whenever I like someone and it passes, it doesn’t come back anymore. I don’t do re-crushing. =)  I usually cannot dictate how I would feel towards someone but I never experienced liking someone again when the moment has already been over. I guess I am able to reach the peak of feelings that I can possibly have, and when I wake up one day and the current crush suddenly doesn’t appeal as much, then it’s really over. I’m like that with my other relationships, too. Yes, friendships included. I’m not burning bridges though. Let’s just say I didn’t burn the bridge, I just chose not to go back there again.

Even that someone I thought I liked a few posts below, it’s surprisingly gone already.

The invisible red flag that told me I passed the April mush dilemma is the desire to get back to reading again, like a sure-fire therapy after a maddening work day. Just yesterday, I asked EO and SB if it’s madness to impose reading unto oneself, like it’s a responsibility to finish reading my books on queue. They both told me it’s not, and at least I’m having it with books, not some drugs or other earthly vice.

Anyway, I am neither anti-relationships nor anti-mushiness. I guess, as I entered my quarterlife, I became capable of not feeling pangs of envy with the fact that I’m single. I already said that this may change when I’m left with less to prove. Two years ago, I would tear and pity myself whenever I feel I have so much to give and no one is there (eeeewww). When I celebrated my birthday in January, plus everything that has happened since then, life showed me more pertinent things to spend my energy on.  They say that by the time I hit my thirties, the mushiness of my early twenties would resurface. Well then, so be it. For all I know, the bottomline of all this is just hormones.

crush, april, reflections, quarterlife, romance

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