Sleep
Sunday, June 16
It is 6:25 am and I am not sleepy. I woke before four, fed the cats, got dressed, went out to Duck Creek for a walk. I'm sitting at a Starbucks now, drinking peach tea with lemonade and noticing that I am not sleepy.
Duck Creek trail in Henderson, NV
How long will it last? How soon will I start feeling that grogginess that makes me want to take a nap?
Lately it seems to take most of the day before I wake up. Is this my future or can I do something to stop the trend?
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It's 8:41 am now and I am home. I have eaten a bowl of oatmeal with raisins and pecans and maple syrup and I'm not sleepy yet. I even took care of some financial business on the computer.
I haven't done any art yet. I am taking a class that provides a new lesson every week and I am four weeks behind. I keep putting it off because I don't feel alert enough.
Is food making me sleepy?
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9:56 am. I am feeling sleepy. Also my left leg is twitchy.
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10:34 am. I tried lying down but my twitchy leg wasn't having it. So I got up and did some laundry.
Tuesday, June 18
I finished off Sunday without feeling sleepy. I was fairly busy, did a bike ride, cleaned up, sorted things. Slept reasonably well.
Monday was similar. I had a small bout of feeling sleepy in the morning, but it passed and the rest of the day went well.
Now it's 12:34 pm. I just finished my lunch and am feeling a little sleepy. I already took two naps today. I am starting to feel awake now.
Lunch: Salad from Salad and Go
It seems that I feel pretty awake when I head out for walks early in the morning, but by the time I get back I want to go back to bed. From there it varies. I had a very sleepy day, then two days not so sleepy, and today I'm in the middle.
I wake up at night to go to the bathroom, sometimes to fix a cramp in my leg, but once it is resolved I can go back to sleep, usually. I think I am getting a reasonable amount of sleep overall. So I don't know what this is. Always at the back of my mind is, is this or that symptom a sign of cancer? Of cancer therapy? Maybe the sleepiness is just from the drugs I have been taking.
Sometimes I have nightmares. I had one the other night about dying. I was somehow scheduled to die in my dream, and I was thinking of all the things I had failed to do, like finish my will, finish sorting things, make it easier for my daughters. When I woke I realized I still had life ahead of me but I did think, when am I going to finish things so I am really ready to die? Do I procrastinate as a way to put off the inevitable, only in my mind?