We all have to leave the child we were behind
Mother and father made me join them for a walk today. We drove to the river and walked alongside it. It is a popular path, so we met a lot of people, and saw a lot of birds. Ducks and geese, mostly in couples, were everywhere. They make funny noises. :3
Lately I have been keenly aware of having lost the child I used to be. She is no longer the dominant part of me, and there seems to be nothing I can do to keep from losing her. So to honour her, I decided to be a bit childish today. Not impossible or naïve, but rather spontaneous and curious. We walked along the river’s edge and I touched everything. I ran to the waters edge and looked down at the water, I touched rocks and trees, and once I sat down on the grass, just for the heck of it. The grass was dry and yellow-green. It felt good to touch, and it really made me remember what it was like when I would dig my fingers into the dirt, listening to the birds and lazing in the sun.
When we walked back, we used the street further away from the river. Little red and blue and yellow and white houses with little gardens, much like my neighbourhood back in Mjøndalen, made me feel even more nostalgic. This time I was running my hand along the fences. My most symbolic act of the day was probably when I put my hands in a shallow puddle. The smell and feel of dirty water brought back so many memories. It wasn’t easy being spontaneous and curious all day; I felt like an old woman trying to remember what it was like to run, but it felt good too.
I mourned the loss of those little neighbourhoods, and the coming of the highways and other big things that trample the dreams of those who are no longer children, but then I realised that my mother and father had probably mourned and lost these things as well. What I remembered as a beautiful childhood was part of their destroyed one. Made me realise that I was going to lose it, all of it, some day. If I ever have a kid I will find one of those small neighbourhoods and let her sit down on the grass, listen to the birds and just laze in the sun.
Lately I have been keenly aware of having lost the child I used to be. She is no longer the dominant part of me, and there seems to be nothing I can do to keep from losing her. So to honour her, I decided to be a bit childish today. Not impossible or naïve, but rather spontaneous and curious. We walked along the river’s edge and I touched everything. I ran to the waters edge and looked down at the water, I touched rocks and trees, and once I sat down on the grass, just for the heck of it. The grass was dry and yellow-green. It felt good to touch, and it really made me remember what it was like when I would dig my fingers into the dirt, listening to the birds and lazing in the sun.
When we walked back, we used the street further away from the river. Little red and blue and yellow and white houses with little gardens, much like my neighbourhood back in Mjøndalen, made me feel even more nostalgic. This time I was running my hand along the fences. My most symbolic act of the day was probably when I put my hands in a shallow puddle. The smell and feel of dirty water brought back so many memories. It wasn’t easy being spontaneous and curious all day; I felt like an old woman trying to remember what it was like to run, but it felt good too.
I mourned the loss of those little neighbourhoods, and the coming of the highways and other big things that trample the dreams of those who are no longer children, but then I realised that my mother and father had probably mourned and lost these things as well. What I remembered as a beautiful childhood was part of their destroyed one. Made me realise that I was going to lose it, all of it, some day. If I ever have a kid I will find one of those small neighbourhoods and let her sit down on the grass, listen to the birds and just laze in the sun.