FILK: "Kellis-Amberlee" tto Seanan McGuire's "Black Death"
Kid: Golly! It’s an Irwin! Poking that zombie. How did it get that way?
Irwin: I’m not JUST a blogger, I’m an EPIDEMIOLOGIST, specializing in the study of emergent diseases
It’s a mutation of scientific advancements that caused this zombie.
Kid: It wasn’t God?
They blamed it on the Godless, said to get down on our knees
They were ignoring crucial facts about the spread of the disease
And I think it’s time we put forth a clearer supposition
‘cause the bloggers know the zombies come from droplet-based transmission.
Kid: what’s that?
Now a droplet-based transmission means I sneeze and then you die
It’s a fairly common vector and we know that’s largely why
The Kellis cure for colds, loosed with best ideals at heart
Was an act of bioterrorism and how zombies got their start.
Kid: I thought bites made zombies, like rabies.
Yes, zombies spread all over, with biting as the vector
And you’re only safe outside if you’re in a zone ten sector,
But going outside changes the zone ten into zone nine
So take your blood test kit to check that you’re just still fine.
Kid: Won’t putting zombies into zones like Alaska save us?
The quarantine developed to protect us from the bite.
And curfews keep us off the streets from ten ‘til two at night.
But while the speed of spread’s retarded by this shambeling infector
There’s another reason zombies rise, a combo mutant vector.
Speaking epidemiologically, we call it Kellis-Amberlee
Part of it came from a rhino flu, that’s why it’s so effective from me to you
If you want to wipe out one third of the population
You need an agent for your devastation
You need a mutation that was so tragic,
A filovirus cancer cure that’s hemorrhagic.
Kid: Golly, what’s that?
Now a hemorrhagic fever makes its victims bleed
But Margburg E X nineteen had a different role in FEED
It was the cure for cancer, but combined with Kellis strain
The filo and the rhino triggered virus zombie bane.
It is heavily infectious, with a high mortality
When you put those two together, it’s Kellis-Amberlee
No colds or cancer, great, but let me tell you brother
You can get it from your sister and you give it to your mother.
Kid: Bite you, bite you, and you and you and you!
One man gave it to another, and the zombies start to rise
And by the time the summer ended, just 2/3 left alive
The survivors spoke of symptoms that were gruesome and quite gory
And by looking at the Wall, we can learn more of their story.
Kid: It was just like in the movies…
Each infection will begin with something known as “latency”
That’s when you can pass the plague around but nobody can see
Any sign that you’re infectious and a hazard to their health
And a droplet based transmission means we all share in that wealth.
Kid: I don’t want any!
Once the latency was ended, then the symptoms would appear
Carried in mammalian blood, over 40 pounds I fear
That lower limit poundage Is the capacity
To watch a viral cascade trigger Kellis-Amberlee!
Kid: How fast does it work?
The Spanish Flu took just hours to go from “catch” to “kill”
viral amplification’s faster, and slaughters faster still.
For we all have virus latent, and a scratch can amplify
And once the virus activates, it’s minutes ‘til you die.
Kid: Wow!
Once you’re one of the infected and the viral cascade starts
You’ll lose coordination, and then you’ll lose your smarts.
The virus amplifying converts more virus from all meat
So every zombie wants to bite, because it needs to eat.
Kid: moore braaaains!
Now I hope that you’ll consider the things I have suggested
And when you find yourself, with zombies quite congested
If you would keep yourself alive, remember this refrain
The only cure for zombies is a bullet to the brain.
Speaking epidemiologically, we call it Kellis-Amberlee
Part of it came from a rhino flu, that’s why it’s so effective from me to you
If you want to wipe out one third of the population
You need an agent for your devastation
You need a mutation that was so tragic,
A filovirus cancer cure that’s hemorrhagic.