Feeling Spaced Breathing Out Listerine
What I've Learned once again. Fun fact - Christopher Walken only refers to himself as Chris. The fact everyone else insists on Christopher means something that I'm sure isn't lost on him.
Morning is... lost on me. I can't sleep much past 8am even on the weekends anymore, even if I've been (for pure example) out drinking till 3am with people from out of town and then unable to turn my head off and sleep till 5. Like infernal clockwork, I'm staring at the ceiling at about 8 and out the window shortly after.
I remember once... looking at a farm animal exhibit at the zoo and wondering out loud why the hell that would be there. Everyone knows what cows and chickens look like, right? The idea that people were fascinated with stuff I grew up around confused the hell out of me.
When I was a kid... I was horrible at it. I took everything too seriously, I spent way too much time thinking about things before I did them, and I wasn't particularly rebellious or resentful of my elders. I mean sure, I'd get angry like anyone else, but I don't think I really meant it like some of my classmates did. There were days where they hated their parents, whereas I would get mad for a minute and then just blow it off. Now I just get pissed at everything, resent people for all manner of stupid and superficial things, and generally blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
My father was a lesson... in being human. He's flawed, and he knows it, and he rolled with what came due to it. Every now and again when I try to pretend I should be flawless, irreproachable and right all the time, I remember my Dad - for all his faults, he usually only got into real trouble when he tried to act like he didn't have any.
Most of the jobs... I've had basically boil down to dealing with people. I've never had a job where I just sat and worked on something and handed it off to someone. Writing sounds like that on the surface, but eventually you have to learn you're dealing with two people - your audience and your editor. Writing is a long negotiation process with the both of them.
I always figured... I'd leave Kansas City. I always figured I'd go back some day, but I'm less certain of that as the time goes by.
Professional dancers... make me wonder about that old saying, "The problem with making a job out of your hobby is now your hobby is a job." Dance seems like something you have to be passionate about to really excel at, but it also strikes me as impossible to maintain a level of enthusiasm about something you're doing over and over for hours on end, demystifying it completely.
When you're onstage... no one knows that you're messing up until you make it obvious. When you're losing the audience, you have two choices - either push ahead and make it look like you're doing what you should but the material sucks, or you say the material sucks and start talking off the cuff. Or I guess you can fake some bad material and then start pretending to switch to something less planned. I've done that a few times, and it's kinda funny how well people react to that.
It all happened... when I wasn't looking. Alot of things are detective work anymore in my life. I go back to things that went on years ago and I just now realize the significance of something or figure out some detail or relationship I didn't notice before.
Sometimes I look... at my scars and wonder what it would be like if they weren't there. It's really interesting to me that a split second can make such an eternal impact. We all think that the important, life-altering things will give us due time to consider and deal with fairly, but sometimes it's just a pothole you missed throwing you into the pavement at 60mph.
I like to listen... to people geek about about the technical aspects of something they like. I don't care what it is, really, but I've always been a fan of people who really try to understand the things they're fascinated with.
They say that... a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. But no one wants avian hybrid flu.
There's something dangerous... about eschewing definition. It feels enlightened to say "labels are bad" and that we're all free form people who defy being categorized. I can agree with not wanting to be constrained, but a total lack of definition is as dangerous as using it like a straightjacket. When you're at the end of your rope, sometimes all you need to pick yourself back up is to say "This is who I am. This shaped and named thing is what I make of myself."
I'd said what I'd said that I'd tell ya,
And that you'd killed the better part of me.
If you could just milk it for everything.
I've said what I'd said and you know what I mean,
But I still can't focus on anything.
Morning is... lost on me. I can't sleep much past 8am even on the weekends anymore, even if I've been (for pure example) out drinking till 3am with people from out of town and then unable to turn my head off and sleep till 5. Like infernal clockwork, I'm staring at the ceiling at about 8 and out the window shortly after.
I remember once... looking at a farm animal exhibit at the zoo and wondering out loud why the hell that would be there. Everyone knows what cows and chickens look like, right? The idea that people were fascinated with stuff I grew up around confused the hell out of me.
When I was a kid... I was horrible at it. I took everything too seriously, I spent way too much time thinking about things before I did them, and I wasn't particularly rebellious or resentful of my elders. I mean sure, I'd get angry like anyone else, but I don't think I really meant it like some of my classmates did. There were days where they hated their parents, whereas I would get mad for a minute and then just blow it off. Now I just get pissed at everything, resent people for all manner of stupid and superficial things, and generally blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
My father was a lesson... in being human. He's flawed, and he knows it, and he rolled with what came due to it. Every now and again when I try to pretend I should be flawless, irreproachable and right all the time, I remember my Dad - for all his faults, he usually only got into real trouble when he tried to act like he didn't have any.
Most of the jobs... I've had basically boil down to dealing with people. I've never had a job where I just sat and worked on something and handed it off to someone. Writing sounds like that on the surface, but eventually you have to learn you're dealing with two people - your audience and your editor. Writing is a long negotiation process with the both of them.
I always figured... I'd leave Kansas City. I always figured I'd go back some day, but I'm less certain of that as the time goes by.
Professional dancers... make me wonder about that old saying, "The problem with making a job out of your hobby is now your hobby is a job." Dance seems like something you have to be passionate about to really excel at, but it also strikes me as impossible to maintain a level of enthusiasm about something you're doing over and over for hours on end, demystifying it completely.
When you're onstage... no one knows that you're messing up until you make it obvious. When you're losing the audience, you have two choices - either push ahead and make it look like you're doing what you should but the material sucks, or you say the material sucks and start talking off the cuff. Or I guess you can fake some bad material and then start pretending to switch to something less planned. I've done that a few times, and it's kinda funny how well people react to that.
It all happened... when I wasn't looking. Alot of things are detective work anymore in my life. I go back to things that went on years ago and I just now realize the significance of something or figure out some detail or relationship I didn't notice before.
Sometimes I look... at my scars and wonder what it would be like if they weren't there. It's really interesting to me that a split second can make such an eternal impact. We all think that the important, life-altering things will give us due time to consider and deal with fairly, but sometimes it's just a pothole you missed throwing you into the pavement at 60mph.
I like to listen... to people geek about about the technical aspects of something they like. I don't care what it is, really, but I've always been a fan of people who really try to understand the things they're fascinated with.
They say that... a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. But no one wants avian hybrid flu.
There's something dangerous... about eschewing definition. It feels enlightened to say "labels are bad" and that we're all free form people who defy being categorized. I can agree with not wanting to be constrained, but a total lack of definition is as dangerous as using it like a straightjacket. When you're at the end of your rope, sometimes all you need to pick yourself back up is to say "This is who I am. This shaped and named thing is what I make of myself."
I'd said what I'd said that I'd tell ya,
And that you'd killed the better part of me.
If you could just milk it for everything.
I've said what I'd said and you know what I mean,
But I still can't focus on anything.