Let j00r mind do the wanderz0ring.
So, I'm driving AT 8:30 IN THE GODDAMNED MORNING to this little "Fill out paperwork" session for my soon to be job, and I got to thinking of a few things. First off, I don't know if I'm going to like this job or not. And when I mean "like", I mean "will I find it acceptable" sort of like. I know that very rarely does one actually find a job one likes, and while I'd want a job like that, if that was my hard and fast criteria for it, I'd be permanently unemployed. The hours are trash, screwing with both the legendary Family Buffy-Watching Night at my mom's, and tossing my plans for running all the "Season of the..." leagues on Saturday nights at 6. Of course, $500+ a week goes a long fucking way toward rubbing my sore little ass. It's a call center job, so I know it's not like I'm going to be busting my behind at it or anything. Hell, I may get flatly bored. The funny part is that I'll be making more than I did at Papa John's.
Another thing. Since I had to go deposit Kim's check, I drove by the old apartment. You know, after I quit Papa John's, Kim asked me if moving to Kansas was now suddenly a big waste of time, since I had only really moved there to be alot closer to my store. At that point I said, "Nah, because I met alot of cool people I'm still friends with, got to strike out on my own, and a dozen little other things. I don't think I'll ever regret it." Well, GUESS WHAT, MASON! You don't talk to those friends anymore, "striking out on your own" has put you thousands of dollars in debt, and you can't even remember what the dozen little things are! So yes, I fucking regret moving to Kansas. Not totally, maybe, because Kim says she wouldn't have moved up here if I was still at the Liberty compound.
But jeezus effing christ. Papa John's licked the sweat off my n00ticles. Hardcore.
Oh, yah. I bought myself a long sleeved shirt (it's some wacked cross between a sweatshirt and a sweater) and a cheap-assed black jacket since I can't wear my trenchcoat everywhere or it gets trashed. This was in the midst of buying a tv antenna for the house. I may or may not have explained my complete and total disgust for spending money on myself, so I'm going to mention it (again, possibly). I hate spending money on me. Why? Because I am ultra-fucking-paranoid when it comes to my wants/needs. I feel I should have none and devote all my time, energy, and money to handling everyone else's stuff. A bit extreme? Fucking right it is. Of course, realizing this and trying to change your mindset are two radically different things. I was raised with a pretty bare minimum of material things, especially new anything, so I feel like I can just endure without me getting stuff and it'll be cool. Having that sort of mentality ingrained onto your skull since childhood means I'm going to have to shell out thousands of dollars to a shrink to "fix" it,... but that would be SPENDING MONEY ON ME! Agggh, the pain. That being said, this isn't some "Seth believes he has evolved past the need for material goods" mindset. I sorta think that way, but it's mainly just some dumbass paranoia my parents accidentally encouraged in me. I mean, if I think that I need to buy myself a shirt and jacket today, WHERE DOES IT END!? Where do I draw the line? Yes, I'm dumb. Just thought I'd explain my stupidity in further detail. The shirt and jacket are pretty pimpin, though. And cheap. Nothing like getting something for cheap that is useful, durable, and looks swanky.
Something else hit me today, too. What if all my perceptions about people are way fucked up? Craig vs #frpg yesterday got me to thinking. What if, as Craig seems to maintain, he's really the only one with any sense at all and the rest of the world is full of retards? Now, I realize this is a pretty dumb "What if". Because the sheer chances of that happening are less than someone with phat rims on their car keeping them after going to a P. Diddy concert. I try to constantly conceptualize things from a billion points of view, just to make sure that I'm not looking at something in one crappy way. But what if -all- my perceptions are wrong? Wouldn't that be a kick in the n00tz? I rely on my ability to judge the character of a person in order to get along in life - a fact that I realized today. I'm constantly interacting with people on the assumption that what I think about them is correct, whether it's what they make apparent or not. I deal with people constantly, and I suppose they prove to me again and again that I'm actually -correct- with my insight on them, but what if I wasn't? So, I suppose I should just say that I'm thankful for not sucking. It literally scared me deeply for a moment to think what would happen if I didn't have that talent.
Speaking of being thankful... why aren't people thankful more often? Yes, I know it's because they take things for granted and whatnot. It's just something that bugs me. I'm not perfect, but I have -alot- going for me. Especially compared to some small Afghani child huddling in some ruined building wondering why the hell his whole city's being shelled to shit.
Yah. War. I'm not going to front. I hate suffering. War causes suffering, and that sucks. But, as Scott mentioned yesterday, it's a part of the world today. I have to agree with him on that. People who sit constantly in little groups and chant "Kumbaya" thinking it's some sort of protest to war make me ill. What the fuck are you people helping? You want to end war, go make the world a better place instead of talking about how much better you are since you eschew violence. Asses. And for those of you who hate war and ACTUALLY DO THINGS about it, like go to college to go into some sort of field to make your impact on the world, good job. Seriously. Even to people who aren't going to college that are going to actually make a mark instead of whining, you're my fucking heroes. Hell, the people who AREN'T going to make some big difference, but not for lack of trying, I owe you a drink.
On a little lighter note, I got my contracts from AEG for the two books coming up. I'm not one to try and flaunt how cool I think I am, usually, but this makes me pretty fucking happy. I'm trying to get my writing career going as fast as I can, and this is already improvement. Certain details that I can't mention right now (yay, contracts) all involve my worth and role to that company getting larger. They're a company that publishes shit, and their assurance that not only do I not suck, but I'm worth more money than I was six months ago really gets me fucking psyched. I mean, people tell me how much my stuff doesn't suck all the time, but they're my friends! I'm sure they'd tell me if it really did suck, but in a very low key fashion that'd I'd probably miss. Getting that pat on the ass from an actual business involved in all this is just schway.
Oh, hey. Since I'm done with both my current assignment and I found a job, that means I can allow myself to get my personal writing done and update my page today. Good mojo.
And since I can't ever end a LJ entry on a good note...
Fuck my Gold Curse. Fuck it right in the fucking ass. I've made FIVE FUCKING DECKS now that are supposedly "THE SHIT", but any time I play a Gold deck, I get hosed. Every. Fucking. Time. Of course, if I hand my monsterdecks to someone else, they spray the competition with the suddenly uncaged flow of whupass. Man, that pisses me off.
Oh, and if someone's cheating in a fucking tournament that I'm running, will SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME DURING THE TOURNAMENT!? Hearing "Oh, and that dude was totally stacking his deck" from five different people after the fact only grates me.
There. Rar.
Anjin-san off.
Another thing. Since I had to go deposit Kim's check, I drove by the old apartment. You know, after I quit Papa John's, Kim asked me if moving to Kansas was now suddenly a big waste of time, since I had only really moved there to be alot closer to my store. At that point I said, "Nah, because I met alot of cool people I'm still friends with, got to strike out on my own, and a dozen little other things. I don't think I'll ever regret it." Well, GUESS WHAT, MASON! You don't talk to those friends anymore, "striking out on your own" has put you thousands of dollars in debt, and you can't even remember what the dozen little things are! So yes, I fucking regret moving to Kansas. Not totally, maybe, because Kim says she wouldn't have moved up here if I was still at the Liberty compound.
But jeezus effing christ. Papa John's licked the sweat off my n00ticles. Hardcore.
Oh, yah. I bought myself a long sleeved shirt (it's some wacked cross between a sweatshirt and a sweater) and a cheap-assed black jacket since I can't wear my trenchcoat everywhere or it gets trashed. This was in the midst of buying a tv antenna for the house. I may or may not have explained my complete and total disgust for spending money on myself, so I'm going to mention it (again, possibly). I hate spending money on me. Why? Because I am ultra-fucking-paranoid when it comes to my wants/needs. I feel I should have none and devote all my time, energy, and money to handling everyone else's stuff. A bit extreme? Fucking right it is. Of course, realizing this and trying to change your mindset are two radically different things. I was raised with a pretty bare minimum of material things, especially new anything, so I feel like I can just endure without me getting stuff and it'll be cool. Having that sort of mentality ingrained onto your skull since childhood means I'm going to have to shell out thousands of dollars to a shrink to "fix" it,... but that would be SPENDING MONEY ON ME! Agggh, the pain. That being said, this isn't some "Seth believes he has evolved past the need for material goods" mindset. I sorta think that way, but it's mainly just some dumbass paranoia my parents accidentally encouraged in me. I mean, if I think that I need to buy myself a shirt and jacket today, WHERE DOES IT END!? Where do I draw the line? Yes, I'm dumb. Just thought I'd explain my stupidity in further detail. The shirt and jacket are pretty pimpin, though. And cheap. Nothing like getting something for cheap that is useful, durable, and looks swanky.
Something else hit me today, too. What if all my perceptions about people are way fucked up? Craig vs #frpg yesterday got me to thinking. What if, as Craig seems to maintain, he's really the only one with any sense at all and the rest of the world is full of retards? Now, I realize this is a pretty dumb "What if". Because the sheer chances of that happening are less than someone with phat rims on their car keeping them after going to a P. Diddy concert. I try to constantly conceptualize things from a billion points of view, just to make sure that I'm not looking at something in one crappy way. But what if -all- my perceptions are wrong? Wouldn't that be a kick in the n00tz? I rely on my ability to judge the character of a person in order to get along in life - a fact that I realized today. I'm constantly interacting with people on the assumption that what I think about them is correct, whether it's what they make apparent or not. I deal with people constantly, and I suppose they prove to me again and again that I'm actually -correct- with my insight on them, but what if I wasn't? So, I suppose I should just say that I'm thankful for not sucking. It literally scared me deeply for a moment to think what would happen if I didn't have that talent.
Speaking of being thankful... why aren't people thankful more often? Yes, I know it's because they take things for granted and whatnot. It's just something that bugs me. I'm not perfect, but I have -alot- going for me. Especially compared to some small Afghani child huddling in some ruined building wondering why the hell his whole city's being shelled to shit.
Yah. War. I'm not going to front. I hate suffering. War causes suffering, and that sucks. But, as Scott mentioned yesterday, it's a part of the world today. I have to agree with him on that. People who sit constantly in little groups and chant "Kumbaya" thinking it's some sort of protest to war make me ill. What the fuck are you people helping? You want to end war, go make the world a better place instead of talking about how much better you are since you eschew violence. Asses. And for those of you who hate war and ACTUALLY DO THINGS about it, like go to college to go into some sort of field to make your impact on the world, good job. Seriously. Even to people who aren't going to college that are going to actually make a mark instead of whining, you're my fucking heroes. Hell, the people who AREN'T going to make some big difference, but not for lack of trying, I owe you a drink.
On a little lighter note, I got my contracts from AEG for the two books coming up. I'm not one to try and flaunt how cool I think I am, usually, but this makes me pretty fucking happy. I'm trying to get my writing career going as fast as I can, and this is already improvement. Certain details that I can't mention right now (yay, contracts) all involve my worth and role to that company getting larger. They're a company that publishes shit, and their assurance that not only do I not suck, but I'm worth more money than I was six months ago really gets me fucking psyched. I mean, people tell me how much my stuff doesn't suck all the time, but they're my friends! I'm sure they'd tell me if it really did suck, but in a very low key fashion that'd I'd probably miss. Getting that pat on the ass from an actual business involved in all this is just schway.
Oh, hey. Since I'm done with both my current assignment and I found a job, that means I can allow myself to get my personal writing done and update my page today. Good mojo.
And since I can't ever end a LJ entry on a good note...
Fuck my Gold Curse. Fuck it right in the fucking ass. I've made FIVE FUCKING DECKS now that are supposedly "THE SHIT", but any time I play a Gold deck, I get hosed. Every. Fucking. Time. Of course, if I hand my monsterdecks to someone else, they spray the competition with the suddenly uncaged flow of whupass. Man, that pisses me off.
Oh, and if someone's cheating in a fucking tournament that I'm running, will SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME DURING THE TOURNAMENT!? Hearing "Oh, and that dude was totally stacking his deck" from five different people after the fact only grates me.
There. Rar.
Anjin-san off.