Kids.
Let me tell you why I'm never going to have children.
Everyone I know says I could be a good father. Kids love me, and I'll admit that I have a good time taking care of and playing with small children. However, I think I realize something that alot of parents don't - that's a whole fucking life you're tossing into the air to make giggle. Do I have the right to mold a little person into something? I don't think so. I pretty well raised my sister, after my dad married her mom, and I guess she's doing okay, but I'm just not responsible enough to be a real father. I'm not someone who can be there for someone all the time. And that's what a parent has to do.
Last night I dreamt that Kim and I had a child, and it was about five years old. He despised me. He was five years old, and hr was telling me all these things he hated about me. It was bizaree because the boy was so well spoken for being five damned years old. Did I mention the kid was five? Anyway, I remember that Kim was standing in the kitchen, making dinner while this kid calmly recited everything about me that was horrible and worthless. He finished it by saying, "I hate that I came from you. I want nothing do to with you. People tell me my eyes are like yours, and I talk like you do. It makes me sick."
And then he knifed out his eyes and sewed his own mouth shut.
Kim took him to the kitchen to sit down and eat, screaming at me, "Look what you did!"
So yah, my nightmares are pretty odd.
I think the worst part of this is that Kim wants children. It came up again tonight, and she ended up crying herself to sleep about an hour ago. Am I being selfish? I don't want children, but she loves me. Am I supposed to get over what I want for her sake, or is this something big enough that she should take me how I am? Kim mentioned it would probably be this issue that would eventually cause us to break up. I'm really worried that eventually I'll come to the realization that if I wasn't such a self-centered asshole, I'd get over my issues and just marry Kim, have kids, and spend my life with her.
Life, as always, is strange.
Oh, yah. My brother Matt walked out on his fiance. Again. My fuckin family. Oi.
Anjin-san off.
Everyone I know says I could be a good father. Kids love me, and I'll admit that I have a good time taking care of and playing with small children. However, I think I realize something that alot of parents don't - that's a whole fucking life you're tossing into the air to make giggle. Do I have the right to mold a little person into something? I don't think so. I pretty well raised my sister, after my dad married her mom, and I guess she's doing okay, but I'm just not responsible enough to be a real father. I'm not someone who can be there for someone all the time. And that's what a parent has to do.
Last night I dreamt that Kim and I had a child, and it was about five years old. He despised me. He was five years old, and hr was telling me all these things he hated about me. It was bizaree because the boy was so well spoken for being five damned years old. Did I mention the kid was five? Anyway, I remember that Kim was standing in the kitchen, making dinner while this kid calmly recited everything about me that was horrible and worthless. He finished it by saying, "I hate that I came from you. I want nothing do to with you. People tell me my eyes are like yours, and I talk like you do. It makes me sick."
And then he knifed out his eyes and sewed his own mouth shut.
Kim took him to the kitchen to sit down and eat, screaming at me, "Look what you did!"
So yah, my nightmares are pretty odd.
I think the worst part of this is that Kim wants children. It came up again tonight, and she ended up crying herself to sleep about an hour ago. Am I being selfish? I don't want children, but she loves me. Am I supposed to get over what I want for her sake, or is this something big enough that she should take me how I am? Kim mentioned it would probably be this issue that would eventually cause us to break up. I'm really worried that eventually I'll come to the realization that if I wasn't such a self-centered asshole, I'd get over my issues and just marry Kim, have kids, and spend my life with her.
Life, as always, is strange.
Oh, yah. My brother Matt walked out on his fiance. Again. My fuckin family. Oi.
Anjin-san off.