Ohhhhhh--wait.
What makes romance instantly fail for me (as in WRITING NO-NOS FOR BEGINNING ROMANCE WRITERS):
- Unexplained sudden and mysterious feelings warming the pit of anyone's belly, a random, otherwise inexplicable feeling of 'rightness' at physical contact, etc, foreshadowing their now inevitable pairing up THAT YOU CAN SEE COMING FROM A MILE AWAY IF THE SYNOPSIS DIDN'T GIVE IT AWAY FIRST.
Why? First, it makes it ridiculously obvious what will happen by the end of the story. A good writer never reveals all their cards at first. Second, the cause and effect principle is lacking with this extremely blatant plot device. If the characters need this to get together, then that is telling me that there is basically no reason the writer can come up with for why the relationship should happen. Please, at least try to be convincing. Now, if you're writing for an audience that can easily imagine enough to fill in the weaknesses in your writing, then go for it. Otherwise, you basically suck.
- Jealousy being explained away as romantic, 'look how much he cares for her!'
Why? Jealousy is an emotion inherent in selfish, greedy people. Some of what it does is disregard the feelings (positive or otherwise) of the other person, isolate that person from others (a trait commonly found in abusive relationships), and causes the jealous person to become the controller of the relationship. This is a huge issue I have with a lot of shoujo manga ("I WANT YOU TO ONLY LOOK AT ME" the male says), and in any case tends to indicate an insecurity and mistrust present in the relationship. If you can't trust the person you're dating/married to, then this relationship is false.
- Formulaic series of misunderstandings leading to 'romantic tension', or lack of good communication in a couple, especially if it drags on for over five chapters
----- Some people are capable of dragging it out for over fifty chapters. This is not a good idea.
Why? It's contrived, uncreative, predictable, and showcases the stupidity of the two characters. If anything, it highlights for me the need for good communication in a relationship. There is absolutely no need for the emotional agony the two characters go through most of the time.
- Predictable characters
Why? I have a very strong ability for surmising what is going to happen in a story just from the elements the writer sets up in the beginning. This makes reading very boring for me at times, and the more books I read from a certain author, the more likely I'll end up knowing how the ending will go as I start the book. I hate this. That's part of the reason I got tired of the Harry Potter books after a bit, and why I can't read 'So You Want To Be A Wizard' without a bit of irritation. With Diana Wynne Jones, I can follow the structure of her books, but everything else tends to be very different (hellooooo Hexwood)- that's why I like her, as well as Ursula Le Guin (ORREC YOU CRAZY POET) and a lot of the authors in the "Firebird" series. A strong writer will have strong characters that draw from many different sources and stand on their own after you take away the conventional aspects of their personalities.
- Switching from one pov to the other, leaving the reader with no mysteries left to solve and only the incredibly dull slogging through the story until someone or other manages to admit their feelings.
----- SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH TWILIGHT AVOIDED THIS...UNTIL MIDNIGHT SUN.
Why? It's annoying, boring, and it's like hearing the stupidity in stereo for no reason. All romance stories will automatically rise to close to mediocre upon cutting out one PoV. It keeps the reader in suspense, you see, and give them a reason besides emotional masturbation to keep reading.
- Unhealthy relationships being pegged as ideal
Why? Like it or not, we learn lessons from what we read. Stories were originally oral teaching methods that both taught and affirmed cultural values. Basically, stories idealizing unhealthy relationships are psychologically damaging in a way (CASE IN POINT: TWILIGHT), easily capable of stunting someone's mental development to the point where they end up unable to recognize when they're being hurt, socially unacceptable, etc. Those of you who feel you can't function in today's society? It's because you spend too much time on the computer, too much time reading, or just plain too much time not going out and living.
- Massive raving fanbase that actively tries to kill anyone who does not agree with them
Why? Wars have been started over similar things. It's idiotic, frankly, not to mention rude, disrespectful, and selfish. "Everyone's opinion is equal, I just don't like yours!" is fine, and much better than, "You disagree with me, therefore you are wrong and stupid and yo' momma so fat she..." and so on. This shit destroys perfectly good friendships, never mind entire societies and peoples. Motherfucker! Mind your own goddamn business! At what point did God decide to give you the most noble and holy quest of making everyone see it your way or else? Guess what. He didn't.
- Character abuse for the sake of making someone else look better or more ideal
Why? Characteristic of bad writing. As mentioned earlier, strong writers will have strong characters whose characterization will not be compromised just so one character can look better than the other. Doing so makes that character flat, and provides an easy way out rather than the writer actually having to think harder than a goldfish at feeding time. Come on! Exercise that creativity I hear authors have so much of!
-------*
So you see, it's not that I hate all romance. It's just that most romance does not meet my standards. And frankly, my standards ought to be the minimum the general public expects from romance.
All above-mentioned failures can easily be turned into something fantastic in the hands of a writer that knows what they're doing. If you are not one of these writers, don't do it.
- Unexplained sudden and mysterious feelings warming the pit of anyone's belly, a random, otherwise inexplicable feeling of 'rightness' at physical contact, etc, foreshadowing their now inevitable pairing up THAT YOU CAN SEE COMING FROM A MILE AWAY IF THE SYNOPSIS DIDN'T GIVE IT AWAY FIRST.
Why? First, it makes it ridiculously obvious what will happen by the end of the story. A good writer never reveals all their cards at first. Second, the cause and effect principle is lacking with this extremely blatant plot device. If the characters need this to get together, then that is telling me that there is basically no reason the writer can come up with for why the relationship should happen. Please, at least try to be convincing. Now, if you're writing for an audience that can easily imagine enough to fill in the weaknesses in your writing, then go for it. Otherwise, you basically suck.
- Jealousy being explained away as romantic, 'look how much he cares for her!'
Why? Jealousy is an emotion inherent in selfish, greedy people. Some of what it does is disregard the feelings (positive or otherwise) of the other person, isolate that person from others (a trait commonly found in abusive relationships), and causes the jealous person to become the controller of the relationship. This is a huge issue I have with a lot of shoujo manga ("I WANT YOU TO ONLY LOOK AT ME" the male says), and in any case tends to indicate an insecurity and mistrust present in the relationship. If you can't trust the person you're dating/married to, then this relationship is false.
- Formulaic series of misunderstandings leading to 'romantic tension', or lack of good communication in a couple, especially if it drags on for over five chapters
----- Some people are capable of dragging it out for over fifty chapters. This is not a good idea.
Why? It's contrived, uncreative, predictable, and showcases the stupidity of the two characters. If anything, it highlights for me the need for good communication in a relationship. There is absolutely no need for the emotional agony the two characters go through most of the time.
- Predictable characters
Why? I have a very strong ability for surmising what is going to happen in a story just from the elements the writer sets up in the beginning. This makes reading very boring for me at times, and the more books I read from a certain author, the more likely I'll end up knowing how the ending will go as I start the book. I hate this. That's part of the reason I got tired of the Harry Potter books after a bit, and why I can't read 'So You Want To Be A Wizard' without a bit of irritation. With Diana Wynne Jones, I can follow the structure of her books, but everything else tends to be very different (hellooooo Hexwood)- that's why I like her, as well as Ursula Le Guin (ORREC YOU CRAZY POET) and a lot of the authors in the "Firebird" series. A strong writer will have strong characters that draw from many different sources and stand on their own after you take away the conventional aspects of their personalities.
- Switching from one pov to the other, leaving the reader with no mysteries left to solve and only the incredibly dull slogging through the story until someone or other manages to admit their feelings.
----- SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH TWILIGHT AVOIDED THIS...UNTIL MIDNIGHT SUN.
Why? It's annoying, boring, and it's like hearing the stupidity in stereo for no reason. All romance stories will automatically rise to close to mediocre upon cutting out one PoV. It keeps the reader in suspense, you see, and give them a reason besides emotional masturbation to keep reading.
- Unhealthy relationships being pegged as ideal
Why? Like it or not, we learn lessons from what we read. Stories were originally oral teaching methods that both taught and affirmed cultural values. Basically, stories idealizing unhealthy relationships are psychologically damaging in a way (CASE IN POINT: TWILIGHT), easily capable of stunting someone's mental development to the point where they end up unable to recognize when they're being hurt, socially unacceptable, etc. Those of you who feel you can't function in today's society? It's because you spend too much time on the computer, too much time reading, or just plain too much time not going out and living.
- Massive raving fanbase that actively tries to kill anyone who does not agree with them
Why? Wars have been started over similar things. It's idiotic, frankly, not to mention rude, disrespectful, and selfish. "Everyone's opinion is equal, I just don't like yours!" is fine, and much better than, "You disagree with me, therefore you are wrong and stupid and yo' momma so fat she..." and so on. This shit destroys perfectly good friendships, never mind entire societies and peoples. Motherfucker! Mind your own goddamn business! At what point did God decide to give you the most noble and holy quest of making everyone see it your way or else? Guess what. He didn't.
- Character abuse for the sake of making someone else look better or more ideal
Why? Characteristic of bad writing. As mentioned earlier, strong writers will have strong characters whose characterization will not be compromised just so one character can look better than the other. Doing so makes that character flat, and provides an easy way out rather than the writer actually having to think harder than a goldfish at feeding time. Come on! Exercise that creativity I hear authors have so much of!
-------*
So you see, it's not that I hate all romance. It's just that most romance does not meet my standards. And frankly, my standards ought to be the minimum the general public expects from romance.
All above-mentioned failures can easily be turned into something fantastic in the hands of a writer that knows what they're doing. If you are not one of these writers, don't do it.