well...regular post time.
a lot of things on my mind lately.
-i miss my mom. i love my mom to death. she's become more of a best friend to me than a mother. i mean, im not taking away her "nurturing" capabilities when i say that but the older i get the more i love being around her...and not being like those bratty little kids who hate their parents. i wish she didn't go back home without me, i wish she would have waited...but i know she wanted to be home so im not angry or upset. i do wish i wasn't so selfish all the time and thinking of myself when a lot of people are putting themselves on the backburner in this time of...need? i don't know. which leads me tooo...
-i miss my new found pals. i guess i shouldn't say new found. i have known them all for about 3 years now. i've gotten a lot closer with them all though and thus my reasoning for feeling selfish. they all stayed behind without so much as a sigh. i do feel like a coward thinking of how much i couldn't handle the devestation when it didn't really effect my household but i had to get away. i must say the sad part is, they are in high spirits when i myself, away from the not so normal life down south, am upset over silly things.
i must say, when i get close...i get close and i fall hard. it never changes and i wish i could just grow up to think the way other people think. to hurt the way other people hurt. not really worrying about other peoples feelings when they say what's on their mind. i guess that's one of the reasons why i consider my self so different from every one else though. i've always been one to attempt to please. i think. i suppose others would tell you...otherwise haha. but back to wishing i could grow up. in a way that's true and in a way it's a lie. i miss being 17. i know, im hardly 18, but i feel the changes in my relationships already. i suppose it's not really me...i think if others wouldnt have changed, 18 wouldn't be so bad. and if i wouldn't have moved, 18 wouldn't be so bad. i think moving had a lot to do with being hurt.
but...i hardly let any emotion show these days. im never really upset. im never really angry. im mostly happy and mostly humorous haha. but i think it's unhealthy to mask everything. and if it is...i need a doctors appt. stat. but i guess that's what a journal is for. a public journal that is.
there are some people...very few of course...that read your thoughts and it feels like a therapy in a way.
i guess
maybe
-i miss my mom. i love my mom to death. she's become more of a best friend to me than a mother. i mean, im not taking away her "nurturing" capabilities when i say that but the older i get the more i love being around her...and not being like those bratty little kids who hate their parents. i wish she didn't go back home without me, i wish she would have waited...but i know she wanted to be home so im not angry or upset. i do wish i wasn't so selfish all the time and thinking of myself when a lot of people are putting themselves on the backburner in this time of...need? i don't know. which leads me tooo...
-i miss my new found pals. i guess i shouldn't say new found. i have known them all for about 3 years now. i've gotten a lot closer with them all though and thus my reasoning for feeling selfish. they all stayed behind without so much as a sigh. i do feel like a coward thinking of how much i couldn't handle the devestation when it didn't really effect my household but i had to get away. i must say the sad part is, they are in high spirits when i myself, away from the not so normal life down south, am upset over silly things.
i must say, when i get close...i get close and i fall hard. it never changes and i wish i could just grow up to think the way other people think. to hurt the way other people hurt. not really worrying about other peoples feelings when they say what's on their mind. i guess that's one of the reasons why i consider my self so different from every one else though. i've always been one to attempt to please. i think. i suppose others would tell you...otherwise haha. but back to wishing i could grow up. in a way that's true and in a way it's a lie. i miss being 17. i know, im hardly 18, but i feel the changes in my relationships already. i suppose it's not really me...i think if others wouldnt have changed, 18 wouldn't be so bad. and if i wouldn't have moved, 18 wouldn't be so bad. i think moving had a lot to do with being hurt.
but...i hardly let any emotion show these days. im never really upset. im never really angry. im mostly happy and mostly humorous haha. but i think it's unhealthy to mask everything. and if it is...i need a doctors appt. stat. but i guess that's what a journal is for. a public journal that is.
there are some people...very few of course...that read your thoughts and it feels like a therapy in a way.
i guess
maybe